I Need To Clean My Crystal Ball

What a year it was. Yes, it is now the 4th day of the new year and I am just NOW getting my predictions up for the new year. I have been sitting on this for almost a full week already so I figured it is time to get it up. This is my explanation for not rewriting the following in order to make it up to date … I know it isn’t 2011 quite yet, but I think I am safe to review my predictions from last year. Not only do I think that none of my predictions will come true within the next day, but I also have a few things to post within the next few days so I need to get a jump on it. Looking back on my predictions from the beginning of the year, I realize that I really didn’t do all that great with my predictions. You can look back at what I got wrong on your own, but here are a few highlights.

• Michael Jackson IS still dead

• I DID indeed give up on a number of my resolutions by March

• My Facebook prediction came close, but they were short by I think 2 redesigns

• Christmas shopping DID indeed start early, but not quite April as I had predicted

• Unfortunately, Ryan Seacrest is still around

• The CUBS did NOT win the World Series


I did however realize that 20 predictions was a very daunting task. This year, I think I am going to go a little simpler and by not stretching my clairvoyance, I may be a little more accurate. So, here are my predictions for 2011 in no particular order:

1.     Brett Favre will FINALLY retire from the NFL after getting an offer from Vivid Entertainment to star in a remake of “You’ve Got Male” that will be distributed solely via SMS.

2.     San Francisco will ban all food and food additives.

3.     Ryan Seacrest’s new catch phrase will be “ Hi, I am Ryan Seacrest … denture wearer”

4.     In a surprise acquisition, Google will buy Apple and Steve Jobs will go to work for Adobe.

5.     We will find out that Facebook IS indeed the devil and an entire new religion will spring up to combat it’s power over individuals.

6.     “The Cloud” will become the most hated word of the year replacing “whatever” at the top of the list. People will start calling it “the internet” again.

7.     As popular as it is, The Walking Dead will change focus, but the writers have yet to “flesh” out their ideas.

8.     Android phones will actually become self-aware and attempt to take over the world. Emilio Estevez will save us all and in turn, resurrect his career.

9.     The world will NOT end on May 21 of this year. It will actually end in late October due to the #10 prediction.

10.  Cubs win the World Series!!!!




There they are. I know a few are kind of lame but I am tired. Let’s see how I end up doing this year. Until next time, remember … “I’ve been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.”


One Response to “I Need To Clean My Crystal Ball”

  1. Haha – I liked them all, actually!

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