A Half A Year Not Remembered

I would like to say that the title means I was drunk for half the year. Nope. Really, it means that I haven’t posted since June so there isn’t much to remember. I am back because I wanted to make sure that I got one last post in for the year. I like cutting it close. This isn’t going to be a top ten list, or a year in review. I don’t want to risk overusing those themes and getting banished from the internet. I didn’t even know that was possible.

What I WAS going to do, was make a post of the words/phrases that have been so overused they made a “banished list”.

It became problematic however, when I saw what some of the words were. Some of them I never heard of so I have no hope of using them. I don’t know what “manspreading” is, but I am pretty sure I have been doing that for at least the last 10 years. Doing it right now in fact as I sit here typing and eating caramel corn from Garret’s.

I mean, do you really need to be a stakeholder in some price point to be able to break the internet with your bae (still not sure what that one means)?

So, if anyone wants to call a presser and we can walk it back to the vape point where we find the secret sauce that will start the conversation.

As it is getting close to that time, I would like to wish you all a very happy New Year. I would stay longer but the physicality of writing this is taxing. I hope that everyone you know is giving you life throughout the new year. I think. I don’t really know what that means either.

Be sure to tune in next week at some point as I WILL be doing my celebrity death predictions for the year. I MIGHT even do a quick re-cap on what transpired … or who Expired last year.

In the immortal words of Frank Bartles … “Thank you for your support.”

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2012 Voices Year In Review

Do I mean I am reviewing my year 2012 or that I heard 2012 voices this year that I am reviewing? It is questions like that just asked that make me question my own sanity some days. Anyhoo, here we are at the end of another year. I don’t have best of lists, mainly there aren’t that many things I have done that I have done, seen, listened to or otherwise enjoyed enough times to come up with a best of list. I did however have a few highlights this year that are worth mentioning to the rest of the voices in my brain.

Highlight #1 – I finally was able to break free of the bonds of the crappy job that was holding me back for quite a while. True, the choice was not entirely mine but still, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I just wish I had realized it sooner.

Highlight #2 – The very day after highlight #1, we welcomed into this world our little dude! Alexander Dallas joined our family and we couldn’t be happier. The other great thing about #1 was that because of the timing, I was able to spend the entire 2 months of Mrs. Voices’ maternity leave at home with her and our newest little voice.

Highlight #3 – Almost as soon as the “paternity leave” was running out, I acquired new employment. More money, better people, better bosses and a far superior cafeteria.

Highlight #4 – Tori moved to the day care that is right across the street from where I work. Hours of commuting time saved per week.

Highlight #5 – I got a few predictions correct on my celebrity death watch. Morbid I know, but big deal for me.

Highlight #6 – We did NOT win any of the giant lottery drawings this past year. It would have only ruined our lives by letting us live in unrelenting comfort for the rest of our lives.

Highlight #7 – I got to spend an absolutely wonderful Christmas with family. Christmas morning with our newest voice and Tori having her first Christmas being aware of what was going on was the best thing ever!

Those were the biggies. Good year overall, here is hoping that 2013 sees more good things happen, more reality TV get canceled and everyone gets everything that they deserve in the new year.

 

As a blatant self promotion, be sure to tune in over the next few days when I will be posting the Death Watch 2013 predictions and a few other fun things. Now, go out, party all night and pretend you care about the football games tomorrow through your massive hangovers.

 

 

Overture, Curtains, Lights, This Is It, The Night Of Nights

A rather long title, but, it has been an awfully long year. Today is the last day of the year. Sadly, it is also my last post of the year. I would like to say that I am thrilled that I technically do not have to post every day anymore. I am happy that I completed the challenge with only 2 misses during the year. I missed January first last year because I didn’t know about the challenge until January second. The other day I missed was because I was busy, tired or lazy or something and realized at 2 am I forgot to blog. I made up for it though with a few days of multiple postings.

I am trying to decide if I am going to continue with posting every day over the next year. I feel like if I don’t, I will feel like I am missing something. I do enjoy writing and I think that with some of the new things I have planned that I touched on yesterday but didn’t actually mention, will give me plenty to write about.

Well, now that all that is said to make my blog a little longer and not just a “Happy New Year” cop out. I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have read me over the past year, liked, followed, commented and otherwise made the voices in my brain keep me from going insane. There, I got a little mushy.

So, with all that said and posted, I want to wish everyone out there a safe and happy new Year. Celebrate safely, don’t drink and drive, don’t drink and make out with someone you don’t know, or with someone you DO know that you shouldn’t be making out with, don’t drink and run down the street in your underwear at midnight, don’t drink and dance and most of all, don’t drink and do a keg stand.

Have a great night everyone and see you next year!

Second To Last Post Of The Year

I have been trying to think of something outrageously spectacular for my last 2 blogs of the year, thus completing the post a day challenge for 2011. While I was doing this, I started to think to myself, “Self, do you really need to come up with something for the last 2 posts of the year, thus completing the post a day challenge for 2011?” Then a Lego commercial came on TV, I got distracted, forgot what I was thinking about and got up and made a sandwich. Now I am sitting here trying to think of something while the wife is watching Fashion Police. The scary part is, I am finding Joan Rivers actually amusing. None of this of course, has anything to do with my blog. In fact, I forgot what the hell I was actually going to write about tonight before I went off on my tangents that were supposed to make it seem like I was having a hard time coming up with something.

The new year is coming up. (smooth transition huh?) I have plans to have plenty of new ideas to try in the coming year. There will be a visit very soon of my first video starring my new Muppet. Granted, it will be a youtube video embedded in my post but still. There will also be plenty of updates on the baby that will be here in 2 AND A HALF MONTHS!!!! Holy crap! I just realized how soon the new baby is going to be here! Damn I have a lot of stuff to do! Ok, gotta go and get to bed so I can stress out about stuff tomorrow before we party for probably our last new years out for a while. But it will soooo be worth it in the years to come 🙂

Is It Thanksgiving Yet?

There are a few reason I am looking forward to the thanksgiving weekend getting here and then being over and done with.

1. I want the 4 day weekend

2. I basically work retail. Black Friday is a huge deal and I want it to be here and gone.

3. Cyber Monday is just as big in my industry and I want that to be here and gone as well.

4. The week after Thanksgiving is when I am going to Vegas and BOY do I need it.

5. When I get back from Vegas, it is only 3 weeks until I have the week between Christmas and New Years off.

6. After that, I don’t have to blog every day anymore.

Ok, so number 6 isn’t really as whiny as it sounds. I really do enjoy blogging, I am just in a slump lately I think. It is getting harder and harder to do every night. Ok, enough of that and on to Vegas … in 2 weeks.

I mowed the lawn for the last time today. I also tried to run the mower and sow blower out of gas so I can change oil and lube and all that good stuff to get ready for the season. There are so many things I need to start getting done so that I can get other stuff done in prep for Tori’s little brother. Oh yeah, did I mention we found out we are having a boy? O can’t remember if I did or not … but we are.

We also took Piper to the vet today. SHe has been licking at some sores on her feet and they keep getting bigger and bigger. They are like big cysts. They aspirated them and took some cell samples to send out to be checked. Piper did great. She screamed a little but me helping hold her I think helped. The only bad part of that is that Piper also has a yeasty ear infection and when I was holding her, my nose was buried in her smelly ear. Blech. Anyway, we find out like Wednesday if the cells are just inflamed or if it is something more serious we have to deal with. Hopefully not.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day so have a great night all.

I Need To Clean My Crystal Ball

What a year it was. Yes, it is now the 4^th day of the new year and I am just NOW getting my predictions up for the new year. I have been sitting on this for almost a full week already so I figured it is time to get it up. This is my explanation for not rewriting the following in order to make it up to date … I know it isn’t 2011 quite yet, but I think I am safe to review my predictions from last year. Not only do I think that none of my predictions will come true within the next day, but I also have a few things to post within the next few days so I need to get a jump on it. Looking back on my predictions from the beginning of the year, I realize that I really didn’t do all that great with my predictions. You can look back at what I got wrong on your own, but here are a few highlights.

• Michael Jackson IS still dead

• I DID indeed give up on a number of my resolutions by March

• My Facebook prediction came close, but they were short by I think 2 redesigns

• Christmas shopping DID indeed start early, but not quite April as I had predicted

• Unfortunately, Ryan Seacrest is still around

• The CUBS did NOT win the World Series

 

I did however realize that 20 predictions was a very daunting task. This year, I think I am going to go a little simpler and by not stretching my clairvoyance, I may be a little more accurate. So, here are my predictions for 2011 in no particular order:

1.     Brett Favre will FINALLY retire from the NFL after getting an offer from Vivid Entertainment to star in a remake of “You’ve Got Male” that will be distributed solely via SMS.

2.     San Francisco will ban all food and food additives.

3.     Ryan Seacrest’s new catch phrase will be “ Hi, I am Ryan Seacrest … denture wearer”

4.     In a surprise acquisition, Google will buy Apple and Steve Jobs will go to work for Adobe.

5.     We will find out that Facebook IS indeed the devil and an entire new religion will spring up to combat it’s power over individuals.

6.     “The Cloud” will become the most hated word of the year replacing “whatever” at the top of the list. People will start calling it “the internet” again.

7.     As popular as it is, The Walking Dead will change focus, but the writers have yet to “flesh” out their ideas.

8.     Android phones will actually become self-aware and attempt to take over the world. Emilio Estevez will save us all and in turn, resurrect his career.

9.     The world will NOT end on May 21 of this year. It will actually end in late October due to the #10 prediction.

10.  Cubs win the World Series!!!!

 

 

 

There they are. I know a few are kind of lame but I am tired. Let’s see how I end up doing this year. Until next time, remember … “I’ve been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.”

Here’s to 2010!

Happy, merry Festihanuchristmakwanzadan everyone!

Now that that little piece of pleasantry is out of the way, I can get on to more pressing matters. The year is coming to an end. It is time for “top (pick a number)” lists and reflections on the past year. I prefer to not look at the past year, (honestly I don’t remember most of it anyway) but instead, look forward to the year ahead. It is a new year, a new decade. It is the time of year now when we start thinking of the most dreaded part of the new year … the resolutions.

Everyone makes at least one New Year’s resolution. Whether it be a resolution to not make any resolutions, or one of the more traditional choices, we all make them. In the past I have made many a resolution, most of which I never keep. This year, once again I am going to make my resolutions and I am sure I will fail miserably with most of them. I am going to put them here in this blog with the hopes that having them in the public domain, will spur me on to a greater follow through.

In no particular order, here are my resolutions.

In 2010, I Bob Richardson resolve to do the following:

1. I resolve to have a higher tolerance in general when dealing with people who just don’t get it. Be it drivers who should have their licenses revoked, or customer service/store clerks, I resolve to be patient and understanding. I will not make them cower in fear thinking I am about to go ninja on their asses.

2. I resolve to grow an ass. I am not talking Donkey here people, I am referring to my butt, my gluteus maximus, my keister … my ass. For years I have commiserated with Hank Rutherford Hill as we both suffer silently with DGS. (Diminished Gluteal Syndrome) Yes, I have no ass. If it were not for my wallet, I would slide right out of most any chair that I sit it. The only way to remedy this is intense workouts with weights to bulk up the scant muscles that I have. If that fails I will be attaching Velcro to all of my pants.

3. I resolve to get a job. Granted, I am working currently and I enjoy some of the benefits of freelancing, but a full time job would be outstanding. Of course, this is only within my control to a certain extent. Still, I will leave it on the list.

4. I resolve to cut my lawn every week. In the past I have let it go for 2, 3, sometimes 4 weeks between mowing. I feel that the longer it is the more oxygen it produces. The front yard has never really been an issue since it is so dry. The backyard on the other hand … there have been times where it resembled the forest moon of Endor. Given that we have a full backyard now, I can’t let it grow like that or the dog will come back up on the deck dressed like Charlie Sheen in Hot Shots.

5. I resolve to take my side of the bed back. This is not an indictment of my wife. Jackie gives me plenty of room. The above mentioned dog on the other hand, seems to think that I only need enough room for a 3 year old. Many a night I have slept for hours with my legs hanging off the bed. It is truly amazing, dogs can wake from a deep sleep when you look at them too loud. Try to shove them over at 2 a.m. and they become 113 pounds of deep sleeping concrete.

6. I resolve to teach my wife to cook. <holding for laughter from those who know Jackie> While I realize that these days it is perfectly acceptable for the husband to cook, clean and all the other stuff, and I do greatly enjoy cooking, I would like on occasion to be treated to a meal that is not produced by Chef Boyardee or Chicken of the Sea. I will say though that Jackie makes a mean tuna fish sandwich.

7. I resolve to not say things that I shouldn’t. Most of you are probably thinking I am talking about inappropriate comments at inappropriate times. This is not the case. I am referring to my propensity to say something that garners a look and comment from my wife or co-workers of “don’t ever say that in public” or “you are far to white to say that”. On the list of words/phrases I will do my best to avoid are: “Bling”, “Get Jiggy”, “Saweet”, “Fab”, “Duvet” and “that throw would really compliment our color scheme in the living room” among others.

8. I resolve to expose myself to a more modern mix of music. If you go through my iPod you will find that most of the songs are from the 80s and early 90s. While I do have a FEW current songs, I really am clueless to most of the current trends in music. I find myself reading friends’ blogs where they mention music and not knowing what the hell they are talking about. Part of the problem is that I only listen to WGN. Not that there is anything wrong with WGN, it is a fine station, they just don’t play music. When I do listen to music on the radio, I turn on Jack FM because, well, they play my old music. That is the main reason I want to try to update my musical tastes … the music I listened to in high school is being classified as “oldies”. Any help or recommendations throughout the coming year will be greatly appreciated.

9. I resolve to actually have people over to our house. We say it all the time to friends “you have to come over some time!” Do we ever have people over? No. There is always some reason for not having people over: “The backyard is dug up”, “the laundry needs to be done”, “the basement is flooded”, “a car drove through the front wall”. All of these are lame excuses and can easily be turned into a celebration of one sort or another. No matter the issue at hand, this year we will have people over on many occasions.

My final resolution for the new year is …

10. I resolve to post to my blog at least 3 times a week. I know, I normally am lucky if I get to this 3 times a month, but this year I feel the urge to entertain or annoy on a far more regular basis. I can’t court advertisers and get some of that sweet, sweet endorsement money for talking about some of my favorite places if I don’t. Like last week when I went to Portillo’s. And then later that night went to the Chocolate Shoppe Ice Cream Parlor while wearing a nice warm Colombia Sportswear coat. But once again, I digress. In order to give myself incentive to keep up with this schedule of blogging, I am offering the following to the 7 of you that read my blog.

At the end of the year, December 31, 2010 I will give someone a prize if they correctly call me out and tell me how many blogs I missed. I cannot use 4 in 1 week and 2 in another. It has to be 3 blogs every week. What is the prize you ask? I will tell you. I will give the winner $.01 for every blog I miss. That may not sound like a lot but it could potentially ad up to almost a dollar if I really slack off. The hard part won’t be counting how many I miss, you and find that out on the calendar on my blog. The hard part will be remembering to call me out on it at the end of the year. That is my resolution and your challenge.

Those are my resolutions for 2010. I want to wish everyone a happy and safe new year and hope that it is the best year for everyone.

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire …. Jack Frost yada yada yada ….