Archive for humor

Bring Out Your Dead … 2015 Celebrity Death Predictions

Posted in Celebrity Deaths, Nonsense, TV/Movies with tags , , , , on January 2, 2015 by Bob

They’re not dead yet! But they will be soon, if the predictions I make here today have any merit that is. While others are celebrating the new year and making positive steps toward changing their lives, I am taking macabre pleasure in trying to figure out who will make the biggest changes this year.

As in previous years, I am going to divide this up into a few categories. The perennials, the standard predictions and instead of the “fantasy picks” I am going to go with “out on the ledge” since I realized just how sick calling it fantasy was. We did have a few come off the list this past year as “successful” predictions. Eli Wallach & Shirley Temple left us this year so they won’t be back … literally. Also at the suggestion of my friend David Mazzie, I am renaming the “they just keep hanging on category” the “Vigodas”. If you don’t know why, then shame on you. Well, shall we get to it?

We will start with:

The Vigodas – Named after the most speculated death in the history of celebrity deaths, these are the celebs that are on someone’s list every year.

Abe Vigoda – His category, he needs to be on the list. I don’t want to take him off because as soon as I do, he will die. And I don’t want him to die.

Zsa Zsa Gabor – Really? How can she still be alive?!?!

Billy Graham – Keeping him in the mix.

Kirk Douglas – If the prediction is good enough for People, it is good enough for me to keep him on the list.

Al Molinaro – Yup, still kicking and eating Encore.

Christopher Lee – Moving into the Abes as this is his 2nd year in a row.

Ian McKellan – Staying on the list. The Hobbits are done, the lord got his ring and Michael Fassbender fits into his helmet.Oh yeah, he’s old.

 

This Year’s Top Picks – These are the slam dunks.

Herman Wouk – He is an author and he is old. 100 I believe. For you young’uns out there, he wrote books on paper. They were pretty good too. Look him up.

Olivia de Havilland – Not sure the last time I had her on the list but she is going back on.

George Bush Senior – Coming back into the fray given his recent health issues.

Valerie Harper – While she has beat all the odds so far, I am not sure it will last.

Vera Lynn – Does anybody here remember her? Extra points if you do.

Carl Reiner – I didn’t know he was 92! Comedy legend.

Carol Channing – Her voice has already cause thousands of deadly strokes.

Joseph Wapner – Yup, the man that started it all in the people court. He will bang his gavel for the last time this year.

Christopher Lloyd – This is the year of all the BTTF 2 stuff. Unfortunately, the rejuvenation isn’t real.

Maggie Smith – Hogwarts has closed and Downton Abbey is boring.

 

Out On A Ledge – These probably won’t happen but that is what is so unpredictable obout predictions.

Justin Bieber – I have to have him on here. One of these days the stupid things he does will bite him in the ass.

Steve Buscemi – I have to have a real shocker in here. No other reason.

Richard Grieco – Did you know he was still alive? While they didn’t let him in the 21 Jump Street movie, they DID let him in the sequel He has been vindicated and can die a happy “actor”.

Morgan Freeman – He will somehow deliver his own eulogy … from the grave oooooooooooo.

Tara Reid – Killed in a mishap on the set of Sharknado 4

Sears/Kmart – I mean … come on.

 

Of course I could go on and on but I think I will leave it here. I now have a record of 2 correct predictions to beat. As always, if you feel like adding any, please add them in the comments. Remember to tune in each month (mostly) for the ongoing recap.

 

 

2014 Is Dead … So Are These Celebs

Posted in Celebrity Deaths, Nonsense, TV/Movies, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on January 1, 2015 by Bob

Yes boys & girls, this is the last dead celebrity update for this year. It seems that this past year has been full of a lot of surprises in the celebrity death front. I am really going to have to think about the predictions for next year. It isn’t a dead on science anymore. See what I did there? Ok, in order get the crickets to stop chirping, we will get right to it.

Mary Ann Mobley – 77 – Actress, Miss America – Dec. 9

Judy Baar Topinka – Illinois Comptroller – Dec. 10

Robert Taylor – 70 – Animator/Director The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat – Dec. 11

Norman Bridwell – 86 – Author Clifford the Big Red Dog – Dec. 12

Booth Coleman – 91 – Actor, Dr. Zaius Planet of the Apes (original) – Dec. 15

Christine Cavanaugh – 51 – Voice Actor; Rugrats, Dexter’s Laboratory – Dec. 22

Joe Cocker – 70 – Singer – Dec. 22

Edward Hermann – 71 – Actor; Gilmore Girls, Lost Boys) – Dec. 31

Think that is everyone. Have to admit, I dozed off a few times typing this … New Year’s day and all. I will be putting together my predictions for the coming year in the next day or so … probably tomorrow at work.

Celebrity Death Watch November

Posted in Celebrity Deaths, Nonsense, TV/Movies, Wacky News with tags , , on December 2, 2014 by Bob

I apologize for the non-creative title this time around. Work pretty much sucks lately and it has sucked my motivation for just about everything right out of me. Despite that, I need to get the death list out because … Celebrity deaths! I’m saving my energy for the fast approaching year end wrap up and next year’s predictions. Needless to say, I really didn’t pay much attention this month so, here is what I remember.

 

Big Bank Hank – 58 – Rapper The Sugar Hill Gang – Nov. 11

Glen A. Larson – 77 – writer/producer of the best 70s & 80s tv shows ever – Nov. 14

Jane Byrne – 81 – First female mayor of Chicago – Nov. 14

Pat Quinn – 71 – NHL Coach Flyers, Leafs, Canucks – Nov. 23

Marion Barry – 78 – Mayor of D.C and coke enthusiast – Nov. 23

 

I’ll be in a better mood for the predictions and yada yada yada. I need a good airing of grievances to get me turned around me thinks.

 

Celebrity Death Watch – They Come In Threes

Posted in Celebrity Deaths, TV/Movies with tags , , , , on September 6, 2014 by Bob

Three months that is. Sorry I have slacked off for so long. Been crazy this summer. Not going to get into all kinds of discussion, let’s just get right to it. Going to be a long read with 3 months to catch up on. Forgive me if I miss anyone, 3 months is a lot of dead celebs to remember. There was one that comes off the perennials list … Eli Wallach passed on. I am getting better at this prediction thing. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

 

June

Ann B. Davis – 88 – Alice on The Brady Bunch – June 1

Don Zimmer – 83 – Baseball player, & manager of the CUBS – June 4

James McNair – 63 – writer & comedian – June 7

Rick Mayall – 56 – Comedian/Actor The Young Ones – June 9

Ruby Dee – 91 – Actress – June 11

Casey Kasem – 82 – Voice of Shaggy – June 15

Daniel Keyes – 86 – Author Flowers for Algernon June 15

Eli Wallach – 98 – Actor The Good, The Bad and the Ugly – June 24

Mary Rodgers – 83 – Author Freaky Friday June 26

Meshach Taylor – 67 – Actor Designing Women, Mannequin – June 28

 

July

Eileen Ford – 92 – co-founder of Ford Models – July 9

Curt Gentry – 83 – Author Helter Skelter – July 10

Tommy Ramone – 65 – The Ramones – July 11

Thomas Berger – 89 Author Little Big Man – July 13

Johnny Winter – 70 – Blues guitarist – July 16

Elaine Stritch – 89 – Actress – July 17

James Garner – 86 – Actor The Rockford Files, Maverick – July 19

Thor-Eirik Gulbrandsen Mykland – 74 – Don’t know who he is but his name is Thor – July 25

James Shigeta – 85 – Actor Die Hard – July 28

Dick Smith – 92 – Makeup artist Godfather, Exocist, Amedeus – July 30

 

August

James Brady – 73 – Press Secretary, shot during Regan assasination attempt – August 4

Marilyn Burns – 65 – Actress The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original) – August 5

Charles Keating – 72 – Actor All My Children, Another World – August 8

Robin Williams – 63 – Actor/Comedian – August 11

Lauren Bacall – 90 – Actress – August 12

Stephen Lee – 58 – Actor – WarGames, La Bamba – August 14

Don Pardo – 96 – Announcer Saturday Night Live – August 18

James Foley – 40 – Photojournalist – August 19

John Sperling – 93 – Founder, University of Phoenix – August 22

Richard Attenborough – 90 – Actor/Director/Producer – August 24

Jimi Jamison – 63 – Singer Survivor – August 31

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , on August 22, 2014 by Bob

I was called out and challenged, so I did it. I thought I would do a version of my Muppet song, but with different lyrics. I figured I could be all calm and collected. There is no preparation on the face of the planet that can prepare you for dumping ice over your head. I think I may be entered into the “fail” category. In any case, here is my attempt at trying to be cool.

The full lyrics of what I was SUPPOSED to sing, are below the video.

 

(to the tune of Rainbow Connection)

Why are there so many, vids with ice water
that gets poured on people’s heads?
Ice water’s very cold, it makes you breath funny
And ice water gets you all wet
We have been challenged, and so we should do it
I know we’re late in the game
So now we shall do it, the ice bucket challenge,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

Yeah who said that fund raising could be so entertaining

Like, when someone drops the thing on their head?
Someone made a film of that, and then someone shared it.

Look what it’s done so far
<Swedish chef singing something here>
And how much, do we think we’ll raise?
We already did it, but we are still singing,

The voice of the Muppets and me.

I am so cold and so wet
I hope that this songs almost ooooooveerrrrrrr

My brain is freezing, I think I hear voices?
my testes are shrinking up tight
The others that did this, were actually puppets
The people, were well out of sight.
Please no more buckets I’ll send in some money
It’s something I’ll be glad to do
Oh god another, is coming right at me
I don’t think I thought this thing through.

La-da-da, de-da-da-do
La-da-da-da-da-de-da-do

I Tapped That Quest

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , on July 17, 2014 by Bob

I didn’t want to do it. I avoided it for so long. Normally, I just watch, both of them. I had an invitation to join a while ago but I really didn’t want to pay. Then I found out they were both free.

What I thought was harmless, turned out to be addicting. I thought I could do them just once a day but, they haunted my every thought. Possessed my every waking moment with images of what they could give me. It seemed so harmless at first. Then I found out that I couldn’t go as fast as I wanted to without paying. I couldn’t afford that.

I started touching them every few hours, planning my work day around them. Seeing how far they would let me go before emptying my wallet. I found the more I wanted, the longer I had to wait.

I came up with a plan. I would save as much as I could, and then binge. It’s hard. It takes discipline. The waiting is torture, but the result is gratifying on the most obscene levels.

I need an intervention. I need to realize that no one cares. Even when I try to involve my friends, it is still something that is only for me. It will not make me a better person. It will not make me famous. It will not make me rich. I could lose my job, my friends, my family.

This has been wonderful therapy. I know what I know have to do. While I can not stop, I can resolve that I will never spend money while I am doing it. I will not buy additional coins, clams or donuts. I will not purchase anything “In App”. Homer and Peter will just have to settle for the fact that I am a cheap skate and will play for free until the day they are cancelled … or until my iPhone dies.

May’s Dead Celebrities – Get ‘Em In The Ground Before It Gets Hot!

Posted in Celebrity Deaths, Nonsense with tags , , , , , , , on June 1, 2014 by Bob

In the good old summer TIME! I don’t know what song that is (I think it’s from a movie) but a local car dealer Harry Schmerler used to sing that one line in one of his commercials for some reason. He called himself the singing Ford dealer. He is long since gone and he really has nothing to do with this other than the summertime line. Summertime is finally fast approaching. The celebs that kicked in May got to experience their very last non-spring. Good thing they took off before the warm weather. Heat and dead bodies is almost as good a combo as snow and the color yellow. Let’s get to it shall we?

Efrem Zimbalist Jr. – 95 – Actor 77 Sunset Strip – May 2

Dick Ayers – 90 Comic book artist Fantastic Four, Ghost Rider – May 4

Jackie Lyn Taylor – 90 – Actress Our Gang – May 5

Tony Genaro – 72 – Actor Tremors, Scorpion King – May 7

Harry Potter – 72 – Australian TV journalist (guess the wizard thing didn’t work out) – May 8

Roger L. Easton – 93 – inventor of GPS – May 8

Jeb Stuart Magruder – 79 – Nixon Aide during Watergate – May 11

Vernon Lewis – 36 – stuntman/comedian – May 11

H.R. Giger – 74 – Artist designer of Alien – May 12

Allan Folsom – 72 – Author The Day After Tomorrow – May 16

Gordon Willis – 82 – Cinematographer Gofather series, Annie Hall – May 18

Jerry Vale – 83 – Singer, Actor – May 18

Donald Levine – 86 – Developed the first action figure – May 22

Manuel Uribe – 48 – World’s third heaviest person – May 26

Maya Angelou – 86 – Author, poet, singer – May 28

Butler Blue 1 – 13 – American Bulldog mascot for Butler University – May 30

 

At least May was technically spring so there should have been a lot of reproducing to replace these fallen famous folks.

 

My Blog Is The New Black

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , , , , on May 30, 2014 by Bob

That’s right ladies and gentlemen. It has just been announced that Voicesinmybrain has been named the next new black. Thinking about it, I am not even sure what that means. It also doesn’t even make sense.

I understand what they mean when they say a color is the new black. Kind of. Not really. Sorry I am so all over on this. I mean, how can one color be a new version of another color? Another thing, how can they say “red is the new black” and then later say “pink is the new black”. Wouldn’t pink be the new red since red was the new black? I mean, that’s like saying Jay Leno is the new Johnny Carson and then saying that Jimmy Fallon is the new Jack Parr. Doesn’t make any sense does it.

In any case, my blog is not REALLY the new black. I just thought I could get away with it because I saw something today that said “evil is the new black”. WTF? HOW CAN THAT BE BLACK! If they were trying to say that black means evil, then it really wasn’t the NEW black was it? I think it was an ad for Maleficent. I’m not sure. I thought it was an asinine comment so I didn’t keep reading past the subject line.

I don’t really care if Orange is the new black or if Belt is the new Steve. All I care about is that it is after Memorial Day and that means Hawaiian shirt Friday’s. After all, ultra casual is the new tuxedo. Or something like that.

 

GO BLACKHAWKS!!!!! Because the Blackhawks are the new Stanley Cup.

 

go hawks

I Heartily Endorse This Product

Posted in Nonsense, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , on May 10, 2014 by Bob

Is what I would probably say if I was famous. Even if I don’t endorse the product. I would then rake in the tons of money they would offer me to make the general public think that I was a fan of whatever it is I am hocking. I wish I were famous for this reason because it seems that celeb endorsements have taken a jump recently. Either that or for some reason I am just noticing them more.

I think I am going to start buying things that have no celebrity endorsements. I figure they will be cheaper than the ones the famous folk like because they don’t have to roll the price of that celebrity into the price of the item. I also won’t have to listen to Samuel L. Jackson singing opera.

See, bet you thought I was really that stupid. I am not sure if I have bought anything, ever because a certain celebrity claims they buy, use, eat it. I am a huge cooking show fan and I don’t buy any of the famous chef cookware or anything. I take it back. I think there was one point in my life when I was buying things based on the below endorsement from a celebrity.

It was because of Godzilla … not the dog. Which means I hope the current Godzilla doesn’t start selling too many things other than Snickers. I like Snickers. I can do that.

On a side note

How flippin cute are my minions?!?

IMG_3334

I don’t count this as an endorsement because they are cartoons and my kids love them. So do I.

I’m Getting Too Old For … A Lot

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , on May 4, 2014 by Bob

It was my sister’s birthday yesterday, so the wife and I took her out to dinner and to see Modern Day Romeos. I have mentioned them before … Tori’s godfather, Cubs song, etc. Anyhoo, they were playing at a bar. Here are a few of the reasons I am too old to do this:

1) They were playing at a bar. This would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that a bar contains drunk people. And not just drunk people … dumb drunk people. The kind that think they can get away with anything and be general ass hats because they are the coolest people in the venue.

2) They started at approximately 10:45. PM. Why is this a problem? Because it was 10:45 pm.

3) I don’t like drunk people.

4) I was still recouping from my knee injury so, coddling that … my back spasmed. That was fun.

Besides those few issues, I had a blast. I love watching them and we were able to get a spot right up at the front of the stage so Jimmy and I were able to have a few little interactions. I have to say, I play the straight man pretty well for his humorous quips.

I got drink spilled on me from a drunk dancer, my wife got hit on by a 20 something year old, and I did some Muppets singing Jump for the crowd. It was just a few word but still fun. What do you mean “What do you mean you did Muppets singing?” Have I never mentioned that before? (that was smooth, wasn’t it?)

For those of you that don’t know … and warning for those of you that have been around a while … It is that time again for me to shamelessly post the only claim to fame I have. If fame is only a little more that 2,000 views on youtube in 5 years. I am no grumpy cat. Regardless, here it is again. I hope that someday I will reach 3,000 views. Then I will be on my way!

 

Thanks for watching that. I am not just whoring my video to get views. Well, yeah … I kinda am. But, I actually have a reason. After last night, I need to figure out what songs I can do to rock out with some Muppet voices. I was thinking Animal needs to sing something like Sweet Emotion maybe. Gonzo can possibly do Tom Sawyer and definitely something that the Swedish Chef can sing. Gotta think on it. Feel free to add suggestions. I might even FINALLY break out Herb to sing the song instead of my ugly mug.

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