They’re not dead yet! But they will be soon, if the predictions I make here today have any merit that is. While others are celebrating the new year and making positive steps toward changing their lives, I am taking macabre pleasure in trying to figure out who will make the biggest changes this year.
As in previous years, I am going to divide this up into a few categories. The perennials, the standard predictions and instead of the “fantasy picks” I am going to go with “out on the ledge” since I realized just how sick calling it fantasy was. We did have a few come off the list this past year as “successful” predictions. Eli Wallach & Shirley Temple left us this year so they won’t be back … literally. Also at the suggestion of my friend David Mazzie, I am renaming the “they just keep hanging on category” the “Vigodas”. If you don’t know why, then shame on you. Well, shall we get to it?
We will start with:
The Vigodas – Named after the most speculated death in the history of celebrity deaths, these are the celebs that are on someone’s list every year.
Abe Vigoda – His category, he needs to be on the list. I don’t want to take him off because as soon as I do, he will die. And I don’t want him to die.
Zsa Zsa Gabor – Really? How can she still be alive?!?!
Billy Graham – Keeping him in the mix.
Kirk Douglas – If the prediction is good enough for People, it is good enough for me to keep him on the list.
Al Molinaro – Yup, still kicking and eating Encore.
Christopher Lee – Moving into the Abes as this is his 2nd year in a row.
Ian McKellan – Staying on the list. The Hobbits are done, the lord got his ring and Michael Fassbender fits into his helmet.Oh yeah, he’s old.
This Year’s Top Picks – These are the slam dunks.
Herman Wouk – He is an author and he is old. 100 I believe. For you young’uns out there, he wrote books on paper. They were pretty good too. Look him up.
Olivia de Havilland – Not sure the last time I had her on the list but she is going back on.
George Bush Senior – Coming back into the fray given his recent health issues.
Valerie Harper – While she has beat all the odds so far, I am not sure it will last.
Vera Lynn – Does anybody here remember her? Extra points if you do.
Carl Reiner – I didn’t know he was 92! Comedy legend.
Carol Channing – Her voice has already cause thousands of deadly strokes.
Joseph Wapner – Yup, the man that started it all in the people court. He will bang his gavel for the last time this year.
Christopher Lloyd – This is the year of all the BTTF 2 stuff. Unfortunately, the rejuvenation isn’t real.
Maggie Smith – Hogwarts has closed and Downton Abbey is boring.
Out On A Ledge – These probably won’t happen but that is what is so unpredictable obout predictions.
Justin Bieber – I have to have him on here. One of these days the stupid things he does will bite him in the ass.
Steve Buscemi – I have to have a real shocker in here. No other reason.
Richard Grieco – Did you know he was still alive? While they didn’t let him in the 21 Jump Street movie, they DID let him in the sequel He has been vindicated and can die a happy “actor”.
Morgan Freeman – He will somehow deliver his own eulogy … from the grave oooooooooooo.
Tara Reid – Killed in a mishap on the set of Sharknado 4
Sears/Kmart – I mean … come on.
Of course I could go on and on but I think I will leave it here. I now have a record of 2 correct predictions to beat. As always, if you feel like adding any, please add them in the comments. Remember to tune in each month (mostly) for the ongoing recap.