Here’s to 2010!

Happy, merry Festihanuchristmakwanzadan everyone!

Now that that little piece of pleasantry is out of the way, I can get on to more pressing matters. The year is coming to an end. It is time for “top (pick a number)” lists and reflections on the past year. I prefer to not look at the past year, (honestly I don’t remember most of it anyway) but instead, look forward to the year ahead. It is a new year, a new decade. It is the time of year now when we start thinking of the most dreaded part of the new year … the resolutions.

Everyone makes at least one New Year’s resolution. Whether it be a resolution to not make any resolutions, or one of the more traditional choices, we all make them. In the past I have made many a resolution, most of which I never keep. This year, once again I am going to make my resolutions and I am sure I will fail miserably with most of them. I am going to put them here in this blog with the hopes that having them in the public domain, will spur me on to a greater follow through.

In no particular order, here are my resolutions.

In 2010, I Bob Richardson resolve to do the following:

1. I resolve to have a higher tolerance in general when dealing with people who just don’t get it. Be it drivers who should have their licenses revoked, or customer service/store clerks, I resolve to be patient and understanding. I will not make them cower in fear thinking I am about to go ninja on their asses.

2. I resolve to grow an ass. I am not talking Donkey here people, I am referring to my butt, my gluteus maximus, my keister … my ass. For years I have commiserated with Hank Rutherford Hill as we both suffer silently with DGS. (Diminished Gluteal Syndrome) Yes, I have no ass. If it were not for my wallet, I would slide right out of most any chair that I sit it. The only way to remedy this is intense workouts with weights to bulk up the scant muscles that I have. If that fails I will be attaching Velcro to all of my pants.

3. I resolve to get a job. Granted, I am working currently and I enjoy some of the benefits of freelancing, but a full time job would be outstanding. Of course, this is only within my control to a certain extent. Still, I will leave it on the list.

4. I resolve to cut my lawn every week. In the past I have let it go for 2, 3, sometimes 4 weeks between mowing. I feel that the longer it is the more oxygen it produces. The front yard has never really been an issue since it is so dry. The backyard on the other hand … there have been times where it resembled the forest moon of Endor. Given that we have a full backyard now, I can’t let it grow like that or the dog will come back up on the deck dressed like Charlie Sheen in Hot Shots.

5. I resolve to take my side of the bed back. This is not an indictment of my wife. Jackie gives me plenty of room. The above mentioned dog on the other hand, seems to think that I only need enough room for a 3 year old. Many a night I have slept for hours with my legs hanging off the bed. It is truly amazing, dogs can wake from a deep sleep when you look at them too loud. Try to shove them over at 2 a.m. and they become 113 pounds of deep sleeping concrete.

6. I resolve to teach my wife to cook. <holding for laughter from those who know Jackie> While I realize that these days it is perfectly acceptable for the husband to cook, clean and all the other stuff, and I do greatly enjoy cooking, I would like on occasion to be treated to a meal that is not produced by Chef Boyardee or Chicken of the Sea. I will say though that Jackie makes a mean tuna fish sandwich.

7. I resolve to not say things that I shouldn’t. Most of you are probably thinking I am talking about inappropriate comments at inappropriate times. This is not the case. I am referring to my propensity to say something that garners a look and comment from my wife or co-workers of “don’t ever say that in public” or “you are far to white to say that”. On the list of words/phrases I will do my best to avoid are: “Bling”, “Get Jiggy”, “Saweet”, “Fab”, “Duvet” and “that throw would really compliment our color scheme in the living room” among others.

8. I resolve to expose myself to a more modern mix of music. If you go through my iPod you will find that most of the songs are from the 80s and early 90s. While I do have a FEW current songs, I really am clueless to most of the current trends in music. I find myself reading friends’ blogs where they mention music and not knowing what the hell they are talking about. Part of the problem is that I only listen to WGN. Not that there is anything wrong with WGN, it is a fine station, they just don’t play music. When I do listen to music on the radio, I turn on Jack FM because, well, they play my old music. That is the main reason I want to try to update my musical tastes … the music I listened to in high school is being classified as “oldies”. Any help or recommendations throughout the coming year will be greatly appreciated.

9. I resolve to actually have people over to our house. We say it all the time to friends “you have to come over some time!” Do we ever have people over? No. There is always some reason for not having people over: “The backyard is dug up”, “the laundry needs to be done”, “the basement is flooded”, “a car drove through the front wall”. All of these are lame excuses and can easily be turned into a celebration of one sort or another. No matter the issue at hand, this year we will have people over on many occasions.

My final resolution for the new year is …

10. I resolve to post to my blog at least 3 times a week. I know, I normally am lucky if I get to this 3 times a month, but this year I feel the urge to entertain or annoy on a far more regular basis. I can’t court advertisers and get some of that sweet, sweet endorsement money for talking about some of my favorite places if I don’t. Like last week when I went to Portillo’s. And then later that night went to the Chocolate Shoppe Ice Cream Parlor while wearing a nice warm Colombia Sportswear coat. But once again, I digress. In order to give myself incentive to keep up with this schedule of blogging, I am offering the following to the 7 of you that read my blog.

At the end of the year, December 31, 2010 I will give someone a prize if they correctly call me out and tell me how many blogs I missed. I cannot use 4 in 1 week and 2 in another. It has to be 3 blogs every week. What is the prize you ask? I will tell you. I will give the winner $.01 for every blog I miss. That may not sound like a lot but it could potentially ad up to almost a dollar if I really slack off. The hard part won’t be counting how many I miss, you and find that out on the calendar on my blog. The hard part will be remembering to call me out on it at the end of the year. That is my resolution and your challenge.

Those are my resolutions for 2010. I want to wish everyone a happy and safe new year and hope that it is the best year for everyone.

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire …. Jack Frost yada yada yada ….

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