Ode To Black Friday

Actually, it is more of an ode to cheap shopping but, with today being black Friday and all, I thought that I would dig up this old ditty that I wrote probably close to 15 years ago or so with some friends of mine at the bar. Actually, I may have stolen most of it from someone else but I can’t remember who so … if you wrote this, and you read this, let me know so I can give credit where credit is due.

K-mart to buy some shoes (Electric avenue)

Now in the malls there are bargains
And there are lots of deals to be found
No need to clip out de coupons
Cause der are deals all over de town

Good God
We gonna walk down to Kmart to buy some shoes
Dey only cost a dollar (repeat)

Please don’t go shop at de Walmart
And all the Venture’s closed up last year
And if you go out to Target
You can’t afford to cover your feet

Oh yes
We gonna walk down to Kmart to buy some shoes
Dey only cost a dollar (repeat)

In aisle 8…in isle 8…by automotive…near pet supply

Most stores are 24 hours
so you can shop all day and all night
and things will only get cheaper
when they go pull out the blue light

in isle 8…in isle 8…choices are many…sizes are right

shop it in the daytime-shop it in the night
shop it when Rosie O’don-donnel, and Penny Marshall fight

 

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I am 3 work days (2 more this week and then next Monday) away from vacation and I am already getting antsy and crabby. I also work in advertising for retail and I am more than aware of the trend of the retail industry giving a big ole middle finger to Thanksgiving and saying F*** You to family and opening their stores on Thursday night. Thankfully I don’t actually have to work in the actual stores but I still have to be on-call during the holidays.

To top it all off, I have heard a few commercials the last couple of days that really make me say “WHAT?!” Walmart has a black Friday commercial featuring Back in Black by AC/DC. Let me tell you, when I think Christmas I think AC/DC. The other commercial is a Kohl’s commercial where they use that insipid song by Rebecca Black and change the words to Black Friday. I am ashamed to work in the industry when there are commercials like that. It is sad.I am sad.

I haven’t forgotten or given up on the White Castle stuffing. It has just been a busy weekend and this week may not be much better. It will happen though. It just may be after Thanksgiving.

Another VIMB ‘How To’ Moment

While it is true I am on vacation this weekend, I did not want to leave you all out in the cold. So, here is a vacation related “How To” moment.

Voicesimmybrain presents, How to pack for a vacation

1. Spend 4 days washing all of the laundry you think you might want to take

2. Buy travel sized bottles of everything

3. Make a list of everything you are going to take so you don’t forget anything

4. Leave the list at work when you leave on the last day before your vacation. Curse profusely.

5. Lay out all your folded clothes, cameras, baby supplies, toiletries and everything else on the list that you called someone at the office and had them scan and email to you

6. Realize that it will take 3 suitcases and 4 carry on bags to fit everything you want to take

7. Secondarily realize that to check all your bags will cost more than the plane ticket itself.

8. Say screw it and leave all your bags at home and just stop at the closest Walmart after your plane lands.

I Beat It

Not what you are thinking you sickos. I finally got up enough strength and determination to get out and tackle that yard I have been avoiding. I didn’t finish it all I admit, but I did get a good start. I knew it was going to take me a couple days. The wind, wet, pollen, and what not started getting to me as I was cutting. Despite the mass quantities of drugs I took before I started, the grass finally got to me. I started wheezing and had to stop.I thought a good mother’s day present to Wife would be to live.

Speaking of Mother’s Day, it was our first! Well, Wife’s first. I let her sleep in the best I could with a crying baby. I got up with Tori and fed and changed her. Fed the dog, etc, etc, etc. We did have to go to Wal-Mart to get some food for the little bug. It was a good excuse for Wife to take her new car out and show it off to the neighbors. I am not sure getting Wife a car for Mother’s Day was a good idea. She got a baby for her birthday, diamonds for xmas, roses on Valentine’s Day and now a car. Not sure how I am going to top these things next year. At least I am getting a new car too. Hopefully I should be able to pick it up tomorrow. Pics will follow as soon as we get around to taking some for those of you that care 🙂 Have I mentioned that I really, really recommend Wickstrom Auto Group in Barrington IL for all your car buying needs? I do. Ask for Jared.

Have a good night everyone, off to take a last round of cold meds. I think I am just about over this thing!