Archive for toy darts

Recall-A-Palooza

Posted in Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , on May 20, 2010 by Bob

Warning: The blog you are now reading has been recalled by 7 consumer groups, 14 human rights consortiums, 4 scientists with PhDs in the study heavy metal poisoning and 3 grandmothers from Oklahoma. That sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Of course it does. The truth however, is that everyone is causing some sort of recall for some product for some reason.

The latest victim, poor teenage exotic dancer Miley Cyrus. It seems that her line of jewelry is toxic to young children. Amusingly enough, a quote from her reps said something to the effect of “Her line of jewelry is aimed and marketed toward older women”. You know, the kind that watch her youtube videos to learn how to dirty dance for their men.

Of course that is just the latest in a long line of recent product recalls for one reason or another. Cribs, food, cars … nothing escapes the watchful eyes of government. Most times I am glad that things are recalled. Miley’s jewelry contains toxic metals. Good recall. Cars accelerate uncontrollably and can’t break. Good recall. Food that has e-coli. GOOD RECALL! Toy foam dart guns recalled because a 9 and 10 year old choked on the darts because they were chewing on them. REALLY?! I personally stopped chewing on my toys a good 35 years ago at least. (that means I was around 5 or 6) Why is a 10 year old swallowing and chewing on their toys? Where are the parents??? Why does EVERYTHING that happens to children have to be the fault of the manufacturer or the retailer of the product? Do parents not take ANY responsibility anymore?

So I am not a parent … yet. But I am going to be and I can’t imagine myself blaming everything on someone else. I know that there will be times we can’t have our eyes on our kids 100% of the time. I know they will get hurt through no fault of our own because kids are kids, they get sick, they get hurt. However, I sincerely hope that I am not so paranoid or so, whatever … that I blame McDonalds’ for my kids being fat, Sony and Nintendo for them being lazy, and Apple iPod for them being hard of hearing. I hope that I am able to man up and take the blame for feeding my kids Big Macs the first 4 years of their lives, putting the Wii in their crib and shoving the ear buds into their heads with the volume maxed out. Sorry for that little rant … I have been watching too much COPS lately.

Back to the recalls. Sure, there are things that should and will be recalled, but not every little thing that is wrong with something needs to trigger a complete recall. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for safety, but let’s be prudent about this. These things cost companies tons of money, which could be pouring back into the economy. Plus, not everything is as dangerous as today’s “absentee” parents think it is. I grew up with toys that had small pieces, and toys that shot things, and cap guns with the old super flammable paper caps (those were so awesome when you dropped a big rock on a whole box) and I turned out fine. Mostly. I remember the size of my little people toys … with the airport or the farm … were pretty small. Now, they are huge. I personally think that the toys with lots of small part were safer. If you swallowed them they would for the most part pass right through you. Now, everything is so big that it HAS to have a choking hazard warning on it. Nothing can be swallowed anymore. If it is small enough to be swallowed, and you are worried about your child choking or swallowing it … here is a hint … DON”T GIVE IT TO THEM! Don’t give it to them, let your child choke on it and then sue the company and get some poor toy designer fired because of your parental ineptitude.

I know there are a lot of parents reading this and thinking, “jack ass … just wait … you’ll see”. You know what, if I am wrong I am wrong. I probably won’t admit it though so don’t hold your breath. I just feel that society needs to wake up and take responsibility. The parent’s that bitch about all these safety concerns make it real freaking hard for immature adults like myself, to buy real cool toys for themselves. Do you know how hard it is to find a mint condition Cylon Raider ship that actually fires the spring loaded missiles? It isn’t easy. Incidentally if anyone has one or knows of one that someone wants to sell, I would be very interested but it has to have the pilot, and missiles that actually fire. Once again I digress.

Again I have wandered off my original topic but not so far this time. I am sure today has shown why I myself need to be recalled. I hopefully have offended very few, but I don’t mind if I pissed off many, after all, I can blame the voices in my brain. Man that was corny as all hell…

Anyway, until next time remember … “Relax, you’ll live longer”

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