That’s What I Said?

The friends of mine with kids will know exactly what I am talking about. The ones that are expecting kids, this is fair warning.

As Tori is getting older and repeating EVERYTHING these days, we are paying closer attention to what we actually say. Because of this, we are paying closer attention to what we say … and sometimes it is down right wrong sounding. We have found that there are a lot of things that you say when talking to a child of limited vocabulary, that sometimes sound just plain dirty. Half the time I am expecting Michael Scott to jump out from around the corner and scream “That’s what she said!” Sometimes Mrs. Voices takes care of that for me. You can’t argue that some the things you say to a kid would have an entirely different meaning to most adults who think The Hangover and Borat are funny. Here are some examples:

• Stop playing with your button.
• Stop pulling on that.
• Get your finger out of there!
• Let me look in your pants.
• Did you rub that all in your hair?
• You have to hold it straight up and down when you suck.
• Baby girl, you are all sticky.
• Take that out of your mouth.
• You don’t want to taste daddy’s cheese?
• Put your balls away.

 

These are just a few that I have caught myself saying lately. Parents out there, please let me know some of the good ones that you have said and then thought “Did I just say that?”

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I Got Dirty At Church

Well, just a little bit. It is Ash Wednesday. For those of you that don’t know what that is, it is NOT an Evil Dead marathon. It is when Catholics and some other denominations as well, go and have ashes on their forehead reminding us that we were made from dirt and to dirt we will return. I am what I call a recovering Catholic. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic grade school and Jr. High. Then I went to a public high school. There were a lot of things even back then that made me curious about why the Catholics were the right and only true church (in their opinion), but these days, as an adult, there are a lot of things I don’t agree with because of me being a grown up. I am not going to get into all that right now. I want to talk about the experience.

Because of what I mentioned above, we are not avid church goers. We aren’t really even Christers (pronounced kree-stirs), or those that only go at Christmas and Easter. We do go for weddings and the occasional baptism and we go now and then so we can get our babies baptized. Mrs. Voices is more Catholic than I am so there is that.

A while back, one of my favorite blogs WhatImenat2say, warned me that some of the wording has changed in the Catholic mass. This was disturbing to me. While I am not a big church goer, I am still looking for the structure that the mass taught me as a child. I don’t like change. I should have paid more attention to that blog post because Mrs. Voices and I kept saying the wrong things. I needed notes. Although, that wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as taking Tori to her first mass as a talking 16 month old.

When the pipe organ started playing, Tori danced. That was cute. When people started singing, Tori broke out in “la la la la la”. That was also cute. Then, Tori wanted to go to mama. I passed her off and Tori started playing with mommy’s necklace … the “pretties”. Then Tori started doing her next favorite thing. She started pulling on Mrs. Voices’ shirt collar. The Mrs. was able to pull it back up in time. Nothing fell out. The problem was, is that it was very quiet at this particular time during the mass. Tori learned a new word a while back. She pulls at mommy’s shirt and says “NIPPLE” really loud. I laughed a little. So did the people around us. I love going to church with children.

In other news, Whitney Houston is still dead and the flags are back up to full staff. Eating Girl Scout cookies will not cause your daughter to become a homosexual and you will not have to have an abortion and you will not have a sex change operation, unless of course you are a republican living in Indiana.

No TV … Day Three

And hopefully the last. I am not saying I am addicted to TV … but I think I am addicted to TV. While it has been a good few nights without the box blaring in the background, or the foreground, I am finding that me not having something to draw my attention is a bad thing for one main reason. Tori. I never ignore her, in fact I play with her all the time when the TV is going. The problem is, without the TV grabbing at least some of my attention, I find various ways to amuse myself at her expense. Last night, it entailed giving her a piece of spaghetti. Someone told me to give her that and now I know why. OH EM GEE! She was soooo cute. At first, she couldn’t figure out how to get it in her mouth since it kept sliding out. Then, she got frustrated with that and decided it was what she calls “pretties”. That is jewelry to her. She tried to wear it like a necklace. I finally broke it into smaller bites for her after I felt she suffered enough. I would have taken video of it to share but a) I was laughing too damn hard b) I was cooking and cooking and laughing that hard can be rather dangerous, at least for me.

Tonight, my amusement consisted of making the little parrot and myna bird go through a myriad of songs, dances, recitations and otherwise cute stuff. We do have some on video but I will have to see if Mrs. Voices will let herself be on video published to tens of people, and I have to see how goofy I sound. I heard her showing Tori a video earlier and my voice is just AWFUL! Strange that I want to do voices for a living huh? Maybe that is why I do so many because I think my real voice is comical in itself.

Anyhoo, the little middle voice has gone to bed, we are eating our Paczkis and I will be getting the spreadsheet out tomorrow to figure out how much in therapy for Tori this no tv thing is going to cost me.

In The Home Stretch

Today is Feb 15th. The new baby is due March 17th. I have mentioned before, probably more than once, that the overwhelming feelings are setting in. The main thing is, the house. It is a disaster. I did get Tori’s new room painted, but I still have yet to get everything put back together and put away and all that. We have stuff everywhere. Not just Tori’s toys, but stuff all over. It’s not dirty and we aren’t hoarders or anything like that. We just need a good spring cleaning and then a good cleaning. We have both been pretty tired. I really need to order groceries from Peapod. At least that saves some time not schlepping to the grocery store.

I would LOVE LOVE LOVVVVVVE to hire a cleaning service to come in and give the house a real good, thorough cleaning. The problem that I have is that I would have to clean before I could have someone come in and clean. I don’t mean I would have to put things away and straighten up. I mean that I would have to CLEAN the house. I don’t think I could let someone else come in and think that we are slobs or don’t do anything. I am lazy not disgusting. I know it is there job to come in and clean. I know I shouldn’t be self conscious because I know there are people that are a million times worse. I just have issues. Many, MANY issues. I guess I will have plenty of time to clean after the baby comes when I take a few days off work when he and Mrs. Voices will be sleeping … a LOT. I will just have to make sure it is one of the days that Tori goes to day care or to grandma’s.

The recent celebrity deaths, well, Whitney Houston mainly, have brought an increase to views on my blog again this week. The odd thing is however, once again, the search terms that are causing hits to my blog, have NOT been Whitney Houston, Don Cornelius, Jeffrey Zaslow or any other recently deceased celebs. It is Grease, Olivia Newton-John and Sandy again. I don’t get it. I think I am just going to put those tags in my posts every day just for giggles.

Thi(HIC)s Is A Fun(HIC) Night

I am not sure why, but today I have had the hiccups about 10 different times. I have them right now as I am typing this. I have tried every remedy during the different bouts today. They eventually go away after about 30 minutes but then they come back in about an hour. I don’t want to be like that girl that had them for like 5 years or something. I have never had hiccups for that long for that many times in one day. They start to hurt after a while. I have help my breath so many times today that I think I have increased my lung capacity by 5 gallons. Hey … they just stopped again! WOOHOO!

Hopefully they are gone for the rest of the night. I need sleep. I have to do a marathon painting session tomorrow. Gotta finish Tori’s new room Yeah, I really didn’t get anything done all week. As you may have noticed, I haven’t been around much this past week. I have been TRYING to rest and fight off the cold that Tori FINALLY got rid of and gave to Mrs. Voices who in turn passed it along to me. I think that I am finally kicking it so one more good night sleep and I should be ready to take on the world … or at least a couple gallons of paint.

Weeeeeeeeeee

Tori has a new favorite commercial. She screams “weeeeeeeee piggy” and claps whenever it is on. I personally find it annoying, the commercial, not Tori. Geico has had some good commercials and some bad. I consider this to be bad. Tori thinks it is the greatest though so that is ok. And the commercial just came on as I am typing this. Ugh! Pure adrenaline my ass.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

What A Day

Some days are great! Some days just suck. Some days are today. It wasn’t a bad day and it wasn’t a great day. I let Piper sleep by herself last night while I went back upstairs and slept in our bed. Piper is doing ok with the cone so I figured I could trust her downstairs. Plus, I really needed to sleep. I still had to wake up early to give Piper her meds and walk her. After that, I got up and snow blowed the driveway and a big patch on the front lawn for Piper to potty without walking through a foot of snow. Yes, I used the snow blower on the lawn.

After that, we went to get a 3D ultrasound of the newest little voice that will be coming in March. We confirmed that yes, he is indeed a he. We were pointed out the “scrotal sack and penis”. Very professional, no euphemisms, which made it even a little funnier. We did get pictures and a CD and DVD so as soon as I have a chance to pull a pic or 2 off the cd, I will get one on here.

While we were out, Tori was fussy as all heck. She didn’t eat a lot this morning and she has a slight fever. She wasn’t feeling very well. We got home but couldn’t get her to sleep because we had to have Piper’s bandages changed and a follow visit that got cancelled last night. I know, this isn’t sounding so much like a bad day yet but, I am getting there.

Piper did fine, Tori finally got a nap. So did Jackie and I, for about 30 min anyway. It came time to get up and get Tori and Piper dinner. Tori still wasn’t eating much but Piper’s appetite is back to normal. She scarfed down her food and water and then went by the front door for our little yard walk. Tori was in the living room with Jackie cuddling and being cute.

I need to put baggies on Piper’s feet so that the snow doesn’t get her bandages wet. (I know, I know … I am getting there) so I was kind of busy when Jackie called from the living room that Tori just got sick on her. I was in the middle of taping myself to Piper’s feet when I heard this so I called that I couldn’t get there at the moment. Jackie was fine with this at the time. As this was happening, Piper decided that as I had my head under her so I could cover the leg that she wasn’t turning to me to get, to let one loose in my face. Oh yeah, did I mention that she was having a little issue with leakage from the anesthetic? So yeah, not really sure how to put this delicately … I got a nice juicy dog fart on my forehead … with a little splatter. I told you it couldn’t be delicate. I asked Jackie if it made her feel better that that happened to me. She laughed hysterically. I think it made her feel better.

Things got better after I washed, sanitized, boiled my face …we ordered a pizza, gave Tori a bath and then this. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

It’s A Tori Kind Of Post

Tori is starting to string words together. This means that I have stuff to post when I have no clue what to write about. Today, Mrs. Voices said that Tori said “Hi there piggy” to something at grandma’s house. Her first sentence. I am so sad that I missed it. I feel that for some reason the first memorable words strung together from her that I will hear will be “can I have some money”.

Tonight when she wen to bed, she walked out of the living room with mommy and said “ni ni … byeeeee” did a lap through the kitchen, to the dining room, peeked her head back into the living room and said “hi-eeeee”. She is so cute.

Have You Ever Wondered?

Monsters Inc. was on TV tonight and I thought Tori might like to watch it. Ok, I thought it would be visually appealing enough that Tori would sit in her high chair so I could get some work done. It worked. Something that came to me for some reason was, if this took place over a day or two or three, don’t you think that when they went to put the child back in the room that there would be cops all over the place? I mean, the kid was missing for at least 2 days. Just curious if I am the only person that has ever thought of that.

I was watching our recorded episode of The Soup and caught the last few second of the show After Lately. I am not really sure what was going on but, apparently one of the characters got to meet Dave Grohl and now is stalking him. I looked up the episode but couldn’t find the whole episode, just one part of it. After watching the part of the episode, I found out Dave was ON the episode and this girl was like a major stalker. I am not sure why, but it kind of reminded me of someone. I am not sure who though. If any of you could watch the below and see if you can help me out. It starts around the 1:57 mark so feel free to skip ahead. I tried to get it to start there but it doesn’t seem to want to work properly. I know some of you will have no clue but others will. I know inside jokes are in poor taste but I couldn’t resist on this one. Sorry.

It’s A Tori Kind Of Night

I warned you this was going to happen. I wanted to keep blogging every day and I said there would be more Tori blogs. And just WAIT until the new one comes. Also, today is Tori’s 15 month birthday, so yeah, I am going to talk about her.

She has gotten into the parrot phase. She repeats pretty much any word we say. She called her Papa the other night to wish him happy birthday and she said “appy”. She hasn’t gotten “irfay” down yet and she is still working on getting more than one word strung together. We are so proud of what she is saying though. She also says “unk oo” and “peese”. She is so polite.

She also is very hygienic. She isn’t potty trained, she doesn’t wash herself, she still drools a lot, gets food all over her face … BUT she does brush her teeth!

Daddy, I can do it myself!

 

I think she does this for when she is getting ready to hit the town in her new ride …

Let's get to the club! Time's a wastin'!

Well … um … that’s pretty much all I got tonight. See ya tomorrow!