Today Was Full Of Stoopid

It started with traffic. It wasn’t even a heavy traffic day. The problem was some jack hole at some paving company or at the Illinois Dept of Transportation that decided that morning rush hour was the best time to work on resurfacing projects on major road ways. Stopping rush hour traffic, in both directions, for 5 minute stretches is the most asinine thing to do. 25 minutes late for work and pissed off to start the day. Hooray.

Then came the rest of the day. There was so much idiocy that it seemed that every person I spoke to today made my IQ drop and my blood pressure rise. (if that sounds familiar it’s because I said the same thing on Facebook earlier today.)

Fortunately, the day ended and I picked up Tori which made me smile. Got home, she went to bed early and I relaxed watching some “The Office” episodes. Jackie went to bed since she isn’t feeling well, (the new little one she is cooking is being ornery) and then I sat down to write this.

The best thing I read today was a friend of mine’s status … “If you do not want to take the initiative and learn your job, can you do us ALL a favor and just quit?” Truer words could not have been written and more people in the world need to follow that advice.

That is all.

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Hot Enough For Ya?

Yeah, I purposely led with that because I, like thousands of others around me are sick of hearing people say that. I don’t think I am being original here, but I can’t remember where I heard someone else complaining about people saying that. I have narrowed it down to two people. It was either my friend Danielle, or it was Sybil. I think it was one of them because I remember a certain amount of eloquent swearing and fervent bluntness. In either case …noooooo, it isn’t hot enough for me. I want it to be so hot that I spontaneously combust walking down the street.

Now that I am thinking about it, maybe I am the one that complained about this before …

But I digress, I think that anyone who asks a stupid question that obviously does not need to be asked should get a fine, ticket, community service or even jail time. Don’t ever ask me if I was outside in 99 degree heat when I walk in, my regular clothes drenched in sweat. Do you think I was running a marathon in my street clothes?

If I walk in soaked to the bone right after a rain storm passed through, no I wasn’t “caught in the storm” … I was stuck in the boiler room when the water heater exploded.

I did not “get a little sun this weekend?” I was making Crème brûlée and the torch slipped.

I did not get beat up in a bar fight … I bumped my eye on the stick shift … while bending over … to get the phone I dropped when I slammed on the brakes.

Ok, I think I will stop there.

 

Blizzardmania 2011: The Aftermath

The snow was predicted. The snow came. The snow stopped. Schools and businesses closed and soon all will be re-opened.

Idiotic people on the roads however, came and stayed. There were a lot of accidents on Tuesday night. I can’t blame most people but I will blame those that tried to go out on the roads after say 5 or 6 p.m. Now I know that I can’t blame everyone because some people had no choice, they needed to get home.

Wednesday was a different story. I don’t think that many people were on the roads since they weren’t plowed. We had to wait all day to get plowed. So I can’t blame stupid drivers on Wednesday. Today however, was a WAY different story. Stupid people affected my commute a number of times today. Usually I may get one traffic holdup in a week. Not 3 in a single commute!

I disagree that the roads were to blame. They weren’t that bad. It was the people that were driving on them. Sort of like guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Snow covered roads don’t cause accidents, jerk asses do … and there were plenty of them around today.

Here are a few driving tips for those who insist on endangering the rest of us.

1 ) Clean your damn windows. You need to be able to see all 4 directions out of your car. It might help if you can see out of more than just a 6 inch by 3 inch stripe on your windshield.

2 ) If the road is only wide enough for your car to fit down it, don’t read the newspaper as you drive.

3 ) As far as cell phones go, same as #2.

4 ) Combination of 1, 2 and 3 is definitely not acceptable and you should be forced off the road into the largest snowbank available.

5 ) When snow is on the road, and roads are hardly plowed, trying to cross an intersection without a light, on a busy road … means you are going to get hit and stop traffic both ways, pissing off everyone on their way home, with a crying baby who is suspected of having a poopy diaper in the car.

6 ) Guess what … one lane roads mean one lane. Don’t give me a dirty look when YOU almost crash into me when I am trying to merge, WITH my turn signal on, because I am about to run into a 10 foot high pile of snow blocking the road.

7 ) Granted, there is snow on the road, however, going 20 mph on a 50 mph road will cause just as many accidents. Don’t be a dick.

8 ) If you are over 90 you shouldn’t be out in this weather anyway so DON’T DRIVE!!!!

These are just some simple things that I wanted to pass along. By no means are these the only ways that jack asses can be kept from causing accidents. Please feel free to use your own methods of jag deterrence.

 

That’s all for today. I thank you for your assistance. Until next time, remember … “You are certainly the most distinguished group of highway scofflaws and degenerates ever gathered together in one place.”