Archive for Star Wars Day

May The Fourth … Find My Blaster In Your Side

Posted in Herman IQ 074, Holiday, Nonsense with tags , , , , , , , on May 4, 2011 by Bob

Yes Earth dwellers, it is I Herman. It has been one of your years since I last hijacked my hairless wampa’s communication portal and mocked your race for celebrating an extinct religion. I had hoped that this planet only did this once, but again this year the man with the lisp has been celebrated.

The fact that you still celebrate this day as such convinces me that your race will perish soon.

On a lighter note, I read today in a communique from the Empire Alumni Group that the history of the Stormtroopers will be released soon on a high definition format you people call Blu-ray. I am excited as they say they will have all of the untold stories of thousands of our trooper brethren.

This is all for now.

Herman IQ-074 signing off.

Star Wars Day

Posted in Herman IQ 074, Holiday, Tech Stuff, Wacky News with tags , , , , , on May 4, 2010 by Bob

Hello terra dwellers. It is me, Herman. I have hacked my hairless Wampa’s blog while he is engaged in meaningless work which has no benefit to the Empire. It does however give me time to abscond with this means of communication to utilize for my own purposes.

While reading the information dissemination you call a “Newspaper”, I ran across an article declaring this date as “Star Wars Day”. While I am sure this bears some significance to the rebel scum of this world, I assure you that as a loyal clone of the imperial army, this so called Star Wars Day is a sham. The only reason I have found that this Earth date is recognized as such is due to a quote of the archaic religion of the Jedi … “May the force be with you. “ Apparently someone with a speech impediment spoke this line and it came out “May the fourth be with you” and hence the day was christened.

I can well bet that none of my clone brethren are celebrating this day. The Jedi have been a pain in our armor for a long, long time. It is silly to rely on a dead religion. After all, there is no substitute for a good blaster at your side. Unless of course you have the awesome power of a death star at your disposal. THAT is tech which entertains all of us within the Imperial ranks.

I will be leaving shortly on a secret mission to an outpost called Mexico. I have been told there is a magical elixir called Tequila that I believe will tip the balance of power in our favor. Upon my return, I will continue my crusade of quashing any celebration of rebel influence.

My Wampa would have some entertaining quote here. I do not.

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