We Will Survive … Again

It is going to snow. A lot they say. It snows every year. I don’t know what the big deal is. Sure, it will screw up commutes in the morning and people will have to shovel and clear snow and what not but that’s what we get for living where we do. The biggest thing will be people driving like jack wagons because they don’t understand the principles of snow and ice. Oh and … CLEAN THE DAMN SNOW OFF YOUR WINDOWS!!

That’s it. A short rant. Can’t write too long currently, as I apparently have to leave work early because it is going to snow in 5 hours and go to the grocery store to stock up on emergency rations because the storm will throw us into pre Little House On The Prairie road clearing techniques and I will be snowbound until 2023.

 

 

GET OFF MY SNOW COVERED LAWN!

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Here We Go Again

Dear everyone that lives in the northern part of Illinois: IT IS NORTHERN ILLINOIS!

It is going to snow, it is going to be cold. If you don’t like it and/or are surprised EVERY DAMN YEAR … I hear Arizona is nice this time of year.

 

Dear media outlets in the northern part of Illinois: IT IS NORTHERN ILLINOIS!

It is not ALWAYS a “Storm Of The Century” when it snows. It is not ALWAYS the top news story when it is cold out. We have deep wind chills. We always have. We always will. Don’t interview jack asses who drive 75 m.p.h. on icy roads and end up in a ditch, and try to pass them off as shocked and mistreated by the weather.

Buy a coat, buy a shovel, don’t drive like an idiot and deal with it.

Thank you and good night.

About That 13 Inches …

Mrs. Voices read my post yesterday and felt that there need be clarification on my mention of “That is what 13 inches gets ya these days” when I was talking about my headache. I am sure that none of my loyal readers would think of anything else besides the large amount of snow that came through our area the last few days.

I did however decide to Google myself and the phrase “13 inches” to be on the safe side. MOSTLY what came up was referencing MacBooks. Mostly. Either way, I did not come up.

There, all cleared up.

A Friday Night Quicky

• It’s snowing. I am not going to snow blow tonight because it is still snowing. I will do it tomorrow.

• Piper’s follow up appointment got cancelled because of the snow. She pulled her bandage off this morning so I had to wrap it myself. Tomorrow is the vet now.

• Need to finish emptying the baby room to make it a new baby room.

• Need to figure out what is for dinner

• The meds Piper is on make her poop a little when she is home alone. Yeah, the house smells like you might expect when we first get home.

• That’s all. Have a good night.

 

 

I Really Should Know Better

I am 42. I am NOT 25 or even 30 or even 35. I have to keep telling myself these things because other than my knees, I keep forgetting that I do not have the muscles or the stamina of a younger man. Today reminded me of this again. Snow blowed the ice laded driveway, carried down 10 boxes of books that were in Tori’s new room from the upstairs to the basement, did some other things. About an hour ago my body said “HEY JERKY! TAKE A BREAK WILL YA!” Tomorrow I will be in bigger trouble. I am going to go watch tv and make some dinner now.

I am going grocery shopping tomorrow night finally and will be getting ingredients for some of my chopped challenges. Stay tuned!

How To Get Ready For A Snow Storm

Yes, it is time once again for another fun and informative Voices In My Brain How To Moment! Today we are covering a topic near and dear to the midwest today:

How To Get Ready For A Snow Storm.

1. Embrace the warm weather and decide to do snow blower maintenance

2. Purchase oil, new spark plug for snow blower and a space heater to warm the garage so you can work comfy

3. Annoy neighbors for one and a half hours running the old gas out of the snow blower

4. Turn off snow blower, go inside and have lunch and plan on finishing later

5. Leave car on driveway at night because you never finished later

6. Tell yourself that it isn’t going to snow for a while and put off finishing

7. Wait for 5 weeks until it starts to snow and decide you have to do the work tonight

8. Get stuck in traffic for 2 hours on your way home in the snow. Decide you are too tired to do snow blower and lay on the couch

9. Look out the window in the morning, realize you never bought gas for the blower so that even if you wanted to you couldn’t use it, get in your car and just barrel through the snow.

10. Say “It can wait until the weekend” and continue to make your redneck plowed driveway by driving on it and packing the snow down over and over.

11. Look like the schlub of the neighborhood.

Blizzardmania 2011: The Aftermath

The snow was predicted. The snow came. The snow stopped. Schools and businesses closed and soon all will be re-opened.

Idiotic people on the roads however, came and stayed. There were a lot of accidents on Tuesday night. I can’t blame most people but I will blame those that tried to go out on the roads after say 5 or 6 p.m. Now I know that I can’t blame everyone because some people had no choice, they needed to get home.

Wednesday was a different story. I don’t think that many people were on the roads since they weren’t plowed. We had to wait all day to get plowed. So I can’t blame stupid drivers on Wednesday. Today however, was a WAY different story. Stupid people affected my commute a number of times today. Usually I may get one traffic holdup in a week. Not 3 in a single commute!

I disagree that the roads were to blame. They weren’t that bad. It was the people that were driving on them. Sort of like guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Snow covered roads don’t cause accidents, jerk asses do … and there were plenty of them around today.

Here are a few driving tips for those who insist on endangering the rest of us.

1 ) Clean your damn windows. You need to be able to see all 4 directions out of your car. It might help if you can see out of more than just a 6 inch by 3 inch stripe on your windshield.

2 ) If the road is only wide enough for your car to fit down it, don’t read the newspaper as you drive.

3 ) As far as cell phones go, same as #2.

4 ) Combination of 1, 2 and 3 is definitely not acceptable and you should be forced off the road into the largest snowbank available.

5 ) When snow is on the road, and roads are hardly plowed, trying to cross an intersection without a light, on a busy road … means you are going to get hit and stop traffic both ways, pissing off everyone on their way home, with a crying baby who is suspected of having a poopy diaper in the car.

6 ) Guess what … one lane roads mean one lane. Don’t give me a dirty look when YOU almost crash into me when I am trying to merge, WITH my turn signal on, because I am about to run into a 10 foot high pile of snow blocking the road.

7 ) Granted, there is snow on the road, however, going 20 mph on a 50 mph road will cause just as many accidents. Don’t be a dick.

8 ) If you are over 90 you shouldn’t be out in this weather anyway so DON’T DRIVE!!!!

These are just some simple things that I wanted to pass along. By no means are these the only ways that jack asses can be kept from causing accidents. Please feel free to use your own methods of jag deterrence.

 

That’s all for today. I thank you for your assistance. Until next time, remember … “You are certainly the most distinguished group of highway scofflaws and degenerates ever gathered together in one place.”

Blizzard 2011 or: DUH! You Live In The Midwest!

It can’t be stopped. It will destroy everything in it’s path. It will mark the second coming. It will show that the Mayans were off by one year. It is THE GREAT BLIZZARD OF 2011!

It’s snow people. It has snowed before. It will snow again. It is something you expect when you live in the Midwest. If you don’t like earthquakes, you don’t move to California. If you don’t like hurricanes, you don’t move to the gulf coast. If you don’t like snow, you don’t move to where there is snow. Plain and simple.

I will give in to the fact that this is a major snow storm. The biggest in ten years and one of the biggest, potentially, of all time since records have been kept. The problem I have is the gloom and doom of everyone in regards to this storm. This is not like a hurricane that will last for 3 days, flood the streets and make everyone run out of food. You will be snowed in for like a day at most people. You are NOT going to run out of food to the extent that you have to descend on every grocery and convenience store and decimate their stock. Do you people ONLY go grocery shopping when there is a natural disaster? Is the problem that you have to buy

groceries because you won’t be able to get out to your favorite restaurant? Are you all too stuck up to eat that can of tuna or tomato soup that you were saving for the food drive?

The predictions are the world is ending. The weather service is telling people to stay home. Schools and businesses will be closing. The entire populations of Illinois, Wisconsin and a good part of Missouri are going to be snowed in going nowhere. So why did gas jump 20-30 cents overnight? Who is buying all this gas if no one is going anywhere? People are renting hotel rooms in the city so they can go to work the next day. They are not driving. There should be a law that in this type of “weather emergency” prices should be frozen and affordable for those that actually WILL need them. If a relative s in a

And I thought they smelled bad on the outside

horrific car crash, you will get gouged to go visit them in the hospital. If you have a heart attack shoveling snow, you will get gouged getting a ride to the ER.

It is no surprise that we have snow here. Not even a surprise that a blizzard comes

around once in a while. Deal with it people. Use your heads. Have some common sense. The reason everything gets screwed up during these storms is because of stoopid people doing stoopid things.  Not sure where I was going with this anymore.

I will be doing the January celebrity death list tomorrow while I am at home. I wanted to wait to make sure that I don’t have a heart attack while clearing snow. Need to make sure that I survive the storm because I am just not all that into irony.

Anyhoo, until next time, remember … “Your Tauntaun’ll freeze before you reach the first marker.”

The City Of Snow

As everyone knows, the midwest is looking down the throat of one of the worst storms ever. Supposedly, we are going to get slammed with 20 inches. (that’s what she said). I personally don’t think we are going to get as much as they say, but, who knows. I have been wrong before. I am preparing for the worst … I have extra salt, gas for the snow blower, we have plenty of food and water so that we can survive the Snowpocalypse , Snowmageddon or whatever else you want to call it. I live in the suburbs of Chicago so I only have this storm to worry about. Those in the city have another snow storm to weather … the mayoral election. Apparently, one of the candidates for mayor was a cocaine addict years ago. Does this mean she will be the best at snow removal?

Yeah, that whole thing was all a setup for one cheap shot.

It is snowing out right now. About maybe a half inch has come down so far. It is already blowing and starting to drift a little. That is report one on Blizzard-Gate 2011. If it starts to snow like they say, I may be able to post a little earlier tomorrow if leaving work early is in order. I will let you all know about the snow since I am sure you all want to know. Well, those of you who read this who don’t live here anyway.

Don’t worry, I won’t update on the Chicago mayoral race. I don’t want to do politics here.

Until next time, remember … “I think we are on the verge of a major climate shift!”