Archive for rapture

Better Luck Next Time

Posted in Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , on May 24, 2011 by Bob

I read today that the rapture has been rescheduled. It has been moved to Oct 21.

The World Series this year begins on Oct. 19th.

If the new rapture date is accurate, that means only one thing…

This IS the year that the Chicago CUBS will go to the World Series and will only be able to play 2 games.

Go figure, everyone says that if the CUBS are in the World Series that means the world is ending. At least they should be able to play the whole thing.

I Lived, And Now It Storms

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , , on May 22, 2011 by Bob

I thought I would write this now during the big storms that are rolling through. As everyone is talking about, the rapture didn’t happen. Right this very minute, storms are rolling through our area and everyone is facebooking asking if the rapture is a day late.

Jackie is particularly nervous as she has as an irrational fear of storms as I have of heights. It seems that she thinks that “thunder=tornado”. I like thunder storms. I think the lightning is cool. Unless of course the power goes out. That kind of sucks. I will also be rather torqued if a big lightning strike blows out my TV. Other than that, Tori seems to do ok during the storms. Piper, not so much. She is already upstairs hiding in a corner. If a tornado DOES ever come through, she will be hard to get into the basement I think.

It is getting darker out. It is starting to thunder. I have not eaten dinner yet. My luck, I am going to want to eat RIGHT as the power goes out. grrrrr

Anyhoo, happy no rapture everyone. I guess I shouldn’t have sold my lawnmower to the guy on the corner huh?

This Is The End …

Posted in Holiday, Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , on May 21, 2011 by Bob

Of the world as we know it? Of our elaborate plans? Of anything? Today supposedly brings upon us the rapture. Where the good, faithful, believers will ascend unto the heavens while the rest of us (yeah, I don’t think I will be in the lucky three percent) will remain on Earth as it decays and civilizations disappear over the next 5-6 months.

I feel sorry for the people getting married today. I mean, all that money and planning, just to have the start of the decline of modern civilization begin right after. I am going to a wedding myself. I hope the rapture waits until at least after the hors d’oeuvres.

I know I am early today, but I wanted to make sure I got my daily post in today, you know, just in case. As I said before, I am still going to post a day, every day until the end actually comes. Unless of course the end never comes and then I will probably take a LOOOONG break of at least a couple days come the new year. Hopefully, the rapture doesn’t start today, zombies don’t attack and I get home early enough to write a second post today. Just to stick it to the end of the world. On the bright side though, if the rapture DOES happen tonight at some point, I am sooooooo not going to worry about mowing the damn lawn again. I just don’t see the point.

Until next time, remember … “I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That’s my dream; that’s my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor… and surviving. “

Am I Covered?

Posted in Celebrity Deaths, Holiday, Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 20, 2011 by Bob

There has been a lot of talk on the interwebs this week about the impending rapture. Personally, I don’t think anything is going to happen. If it does, I am REALLY certain that I am going to be stuck here for the next 6 months while the world decays. I work in advertising so I know that everyone there will still be here a while as well.

Then today, I heard the the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) is telling us how to prepare for zombie attacks. If the government is telling us about it, then it MUST be true.

With these things in the forefront, I decided I better hedge my bets and check to see how my family would fare financially if these events came to fruition.

I called up my insurance agent and asked him the following:

– Does my life insurance cover asencion

– Do my Auto and Home Owners policies cover damage by renegade zombies.

After about 5 minutes of laughing in my ear, I was informed that no … I was not covered for either. I was then informed that he wasn’t laughing because I wasn’t covered, but rather he didn’t think I would be one of the few ascending on the rapture to begin with, so he didn’t understand why I was worried. Jerk ass.

I asked if there was ANY insurance available through any agency or any carrier … after another 5 minutes of laughing, he asked if I was serious. I said I was. He hung up on me. So, I hope that if this does happen tomorrow that my wife and baby ascend with me, if I do, because otherwise they are pretty much screwed.

Macho Man Randy Savage passed away today. He had a heart attack while driving and crashed his car. It was rumored the car was stolen because the cops found a snapped slim jim in the passenger seat. Yeah, I went there. But seriously, he dies and Jeff Conaway is hanging on in his coma and Zsa Zsa Gabor came out of her’s? If this rapture does happen, I think the only people left will be cockroaches, Abe Vigoda and Zsa Zsa.

Until next time, remember … “The first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons… were the fatties.”

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