Archive for Pat Quinn

And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor

Posted in Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , , on January 14, 2011 by Bob

Men, are you tired of that nagging back pain that you get from sitting on a fat wallet? Are your hips aching from sitting unevenly on your chair? Are you nervous every time you open your wallet that money may just fall out?

Women, are you tired of all that pesky change in your coin purse weighing you down? Are you fed up with having to flip through so many different denominations of bills to pay for things while balancing purses, children or other?

Friends, have you had enough with having to add up all those interest payments from the extra money you have lying around in your bank accounts? If so, we have the answer!

MOVE TO ILLINOIS!

Yes ladies and gentleman, here in Illinois you won’t have to worry about extra cash causing you pain. With the highest state personal income tax in the country, we will make sure that you pay more than your share and have nothing extra to stimulate that pesky economy. Feel like starting a business, but don’t want to make TOO much money? Come to Illinois! We have also raised our corporate state income tax as well. After all, we need to be fair to everyone, right?

Don’t take our word for it though, just listen to what current Illinoisans have to say:

“I make just enough money working 2nd and 3rd shift to feed my family of 4. With this new tax, I am going to be out an additional $800 a year. Guess we have to put Sparky down.” – Joe, Pontoon Beach, IL

“Personally, I can’t stand all that extra money I have. I mean, I might as well do something with it since I don’t have to pay for housing or transportation.” – P.Q., Springfield, IL

“I don’t pay taxes. I feel that if the government wants to take my money, they can come and take it from my mattress. As long as they don’t screw with my still, I’ll be happy.” – Cletus, Shumway, IL

With a budget deficit that guarantees that no child will be able to go to public school; more outstanding bills to be paid than Randy Quaid, M.C. Hammer and the estate of Michael Jackson combined; and NOTHING left for the state to lease to private companies, Illinois is the place to be if you have extra money to throw away.

As an added bonus, we are also in the top 10 states for highest foreclosure rates. What does this mean to you? CHEAP HOUSING!

So come on over to the Land Of Lincoln and join in the love fest.

For more information on how you can be one of the flexible chosen ones bending over for state government, call Governor Pat Quinn’s office at 217-782-6830. As an added bonus, the first 10,000 callers will get an additional 10% “early information penalty” added to their 2011 taxes retroactive to 2002 … but hurry, this offer can’t last!

This was not a paid advertisement for any government office, any special interest group or anyone interested in moving out of Illinois. The views expressed here are solely that of the author and are not necessarily the views of Voicesinmybrain.com or any of it’s affiliates. No trees, parking meters or seasonable vegetables were harmed in the writing of this blog.
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