I’m Getting Too Old For … A Lot

It was my sister’s birthday yesterday, so the wife and I took her out to dinner and to see Modern Day Romeos. I have mentioned them before … Tori’s godfather, Cubs song, etc. Anyhoo, they were playing at a bar. Here are a few of the reasons I am too old to do this:

1) They were playing at a bar. This would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that a bar contains drunk people. And not just drunk people … dumb drunk people. The kind that think they can get away with anything and be general ass hats because they are the coolest people in the venue.

2) They started at approximately 10:45. PM. Why is this a problem? Because it was 10:45 pm.

3) I don’t like drunk people.

4) I was still recouping from my knee injury so, coddling that … my back spasmed. That was fun.

Besides those few issues, I had a blast. I love watching them and we were able to get a spot right up at the front of the stage so Jimmy and I were able to have a few little interactions. I have to say, I play the straight man pretty well for his humorous quips.

I got drink spilled on me from a drunk dancer, my wife got hit on by a 20 something year old, and I did some Muppets singing Jump for the crowd. It was just a few word but still fun. What do you mean “What do you mean you did Muppets singing?” Have I never mentioned that before? (that was smooth, wasn’t it?)

For those of you that don’t know … and warning for those of you that have been around a while … It is that time again for me to shamelessly post the only claim to fame I have. If fame is only a little more that 2,000 views on youtube in 5 years. I am no grumpy cat. Regardless, here it is again. I hope that someday I will reach 3,000 views. Then I will be on my way!

 

Thanks for watching that. I am not just whoring my video to get views. Well, yeah … I kinda am. But, I actually have a reason. After last night, I need to figure out what songs I can do to rock out with some Muppet voices. I was thinking Animal needs to sing something like Sweet Emotion maybe. Gonzo can possibly do Tom Sawyer and definitely something that the Swedish Chef can sing. Gotta think on it. Feel free to add suggestions. I might even FINALLY break out Herb to sing the song instead of my ugly mug.

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It’s Quite Easy Being Green

So, I broke down and went and saw The Muppets today. I was VERY skeptical with my love of Muppets. I was worried that Frank Oz was not involved. I was worried that Jason Segel was one of the writers. The early talk about the movie made it seem like it was going to be more about the people stars than the Muppets. I have to admit, my misgivings were misplaced. It was a pretty good movie. Of course, I noticed the slightest variations in the voices, but then again, when I do the voices they aren’t perfect either. I actually got a little misty at the end when they were singing The Rainbow connection.I would give a better more complete review but I don’t want to spoil it for anyone.

I think that before I die, I will have to take the same pilgrimage that Walter took. I will have to be a Muppet before I die. If anyone out there knows Frank Oz, I would do anything to meet him. That would be cool. If anyone out there has any ins with the Muppet folks, that would be cool. I think I still have a chance of being a Muppet. I don’t think the voices do as much puppetry as they old time crew did. I could be wrong, the credits just made it look different.

Anyway, it was a busy day and we have a busier day tomorrow so, have a great night all. And until next time, remember … “Keep believing, keep pretending; we’ve done just what we’ve set out to do, thanks to the lovers, the dreamers, and you!”

 

I Am Taking Up A Collection

Over the years, I have started to have a tough time thinking of things that I need, or even want for that matter, for Christmas. I like to feel that I am now grown up, and I feel odd asking for clothes or or things that I don’t need or want, just to ask for something. This year, I actually know what I want for Christmas. There are only a few things but unfortunately, they are larger ticket items. When this kind of list comes along in my mind, I feel a little guilty. Not too guilty of course.

This year, I have my list. It is a simple list. It was a longer list but, I took one thing off my list because now I can just use my phone for a GPS. What is left? Basically 2 things. A Banjo and a Muppet Whatnot. Strangely enough, both items are sort of related.

I want a banjo so I can learn how to play and sing “The Rainbow Connection” to Tori and her future little … (we know what we’re having but Jackie won’t let me say until she says on her Facebook page because of course nothing is official until it is on Facebook). I don’t know how to play one note on a banjo, but I think it would be fun to learn. I also want to play dueling banjos so I can go into the back of the room when Tori’s godfather is playing a show with his brother and just start playing it. It would be funny. Especially if I don’t play it that well.

The second thing, the Whatnot, is obviously Muppet related. They are semi-custom made Muppets that you can order. YES! A Muppet of my very own! They are from FAO/Toys R Us so on the website where you order them they are $100. Bummer. I really can’t see spending that much right now. I found out however, that they have not so custom ones in the FAO isle at Toys R Us for only $60!! Jackie still doesn’t think that is a wise investment. She can’t understand why I would need my own Muppet. Of course, this would all be a moot point if I already knew how to puppeteer and could just get a job as a REAL Muppet.

That brings me to the title of today’s post. I need to start to take up a collection for my banjo and my Muppet since Jackie thinks it is folly. My other option is to get a second job at lunch so that Jackie doesn’t find out I am making money to buy a Muppet. Of course, if anyone wants to contribute to my Muppetdom, I would not be opposed to that. Until then, I will have to start thinking of a new Christmas list. Maybe this is the year for underwear and socks?

The Grease Has Been Soaked Up

Apparently the fascination with all things Grease and my blog has come to an end.  For a few weeks I was getting astronomical numbers due to searches for all things Grease, including my mid year Celebrity Death watch, which was inspired by dead Grease actors. Over the last week I have gone back down to my humble number of hits to my blog. I would like to thank the spam community for the wild ride it was. I will miss the inflated sense of importance that you gave me and my ego can now fit back under my baseball cap.

On to other things. During my recent bouts of sickness, I received a lot of “get well soon”, “hope you feel better” and such other wishes of good will. I appreciate them all. It made me think though. Even with people you hate, does anyone ever say “Stay sick, I love to see you suffer!” or “Hope you are as miserable as you look!”. This doesn’t have to be for just being ill. It can be for any of the times we offer sympathy. “I am glad he is gone, he was an jerk.” or “You got in a car accident? Oh my god, I hope you got hurt!” or “It’s about time they fired your worthless ass!” Don’t get me wrong, I think it is wonderful of our society that we wish each other well and try to make others feel better in their times of grief and sorrow. I just was wondering if anyone has ever actually said what we all at one point or another wish we could.

Elmo is the child’s serpent in the garden. I am convinced that Elmo has somehow gotten Tori to join his high pitched, squeaky, furry faced cult and no one can make her happy EXCEPT Elmo. I drop her off at day care … she cries. I pick her up from day care … she cries. Then they tell me this morning that they walk her into the room where Elmo is … she settles down and starts saying “MELMO!!” I have to admit though that I prefer Elmo over Barney. At least Elmo is a Muppet and not some overweight, IQ impaired, suspected pedopheliac, unrealistically colored Tyrannosaur. Did I mention I HATE Barney?

I am watching this weeks Penn & Teller Tell A Lie on DVR, love, love, love P&T. After this episode I only have one thing to say … Purple Happiness Biscuit.

Goodnight everybody!

Happy Birthday Jim Henson

A simple title and a simple wish to a man who touched the lives of millions and still does today. He helped put the voices in my brain. In respect to the Muppet master, I will not embed the video of me singing the Rainbow Connection yet again. (you didn’t think I wasn’t going to put it in here at all did you?)

Happy Birthday Jim Henson. We miss you.

Another National Day

As my blog is about nothing in particular, I would be remiss as a babbler if I didn’t at least acknowledge the fact that today is National Toilet Paper Day. Why do we have a Toilet Paper Day? I have no clue. I couldn’t even find a Wikipedia entry for it. Not that I tried all that hard. Had I known there was a Toilet Paper Day a while ago, I would have saved this blog for today. Since I didn’t, I will have to steal a few facts that were reported by a local news station today.

According to the online Toilet Paper Encyclopedia:

• 69 percent of people name toilet paper as the 20th Century “convenience” most taken for granted.
• 49 percent choose toilet paper as their “necessity” if stranded on a deserted island — that’s ahead of food!
• 72 percent of people hang the roll with sheets going *over* not under.
• Wiping your nose is the second most common use for toilet paper. The first is obvious.
• In public restrooms, it takes an average of 71 people to use one entire roll.

I bet you didn’t even know any of that huh? I also bet that you really didn’t care. Apparently, from the few things I could find about today, Charmin is doing some sort of world record. I really didn’t want to know what. There is a Facebook page (isn’t there one for everything though?). You can get coupons at various places for toilet paper. Yeah, such an exciting day.

In other news, Steve Jobs is still retired from Apple, there is a hurricane that will shut down New York, I still haven’t won the lottery, Kim Kardashian is still married and hasn’t released a sex tape from the honeymoon yet and Jim Carrey was joking. Yeah, not all of those should be in the news.

That’s kinda all I got for you today. Been a long week. Actually, now that I think about it, I have one more thing …

Those of you that know me well, or have read any of my posts where I whore myself out, know that I am a pretty big Muppets fan. They have a new movie coming out soon. I am a little leery about it as Jason Segal wrote it and Frank Oz and Jerry Nelso aren’t even puppeteers on this one. Frank Oz NOT doing voices? My admiration of Frank Oz is well known as well. Personally, I think I would be a great voice replacement but then again, I won’t say that I could fully fill Mr. Oz’s shoes.

There is also a new album coming out of Muppet songs covered by various artists. It is Muppets: The Green Album. I have only seen one thing off of it so far and that is the video by Ok Go with the Muppets in it. They do the theme song. It is kind of amusing. I will have to get used to change in the Muppet universe. I am a Muppet purist. It took me a while to get used to Pepe and I NEVER liked and still don’t like Clifford from Muppets Tonight. Anyway, take a look at the video and let me know what you think. Like I said, it is Ok. Get it … Ok … Go. Yeah.

I Just Don’t Get It

There are many things in life that I do not understand. Whether it be that I am just not tuned into the latest trends, technology or whatever. There are also things that I do not care to try to understand. I know a lot of this will change as my daughter gets older and I will want to know about everything that is going on, but I will worry about those when they start to rear their ugly heads. I don’t need to stress out over that right now.

This is my short list of what I don’t get lately:

WordPress.com’s “Freshly Pressed” Featured Posts – I was under the impression that WordPress.com was free so that the little annoying guy, like myself, could have a place to spout insanity and annoyance without having to pay big bucks for hosting and yada yada. I thought the featured posts were random, updated frequently and would show a lot of different things. I was apparently wrong. There have been times when the same featured post has been up for a week. There are a lot of the Featured Posts that are professional blogs that don’t need the exposure of being featured. I would like to have just one day where I had hundreds of views on my blog. Not for any reason but to say it happened. Oh well.

Justin Bieber – That is all that needs to be said. I will have to wait until Tori is older to find out about that fascination.

Facebook Places – Now, let me preface this one with admitting that I just started “checking in” to places. The reason is for my job. With coupons and specials and everything that can be offered with places, I have to know how this technology works so it can be offered to clients. With that said, I don’t understand why I have to let people know where I am every minute of the day. Can’t you just “check in” without everyone knowing? I know that it is word of mouth free social platform advertising and all that. I just feel that it is a little bit of too much information. Thankfully this doesn’t work with NFC yet. Once it does, I think I might have to turn my phone off or leave it at home. Maybe even do the unthinkable … get a phone that only makes calls!

Twitter – I have been trying to get on board with this one. I have a twitter account. I try to tweet, I follow tweets. It just seems like it is an awful lot of work to keep up with reading and tweeting all the time. I guess if maybe I had it on my phone, but then, I would be distracted all day and get nothing done.

Phone Apps – I know I am going to get a lot of eye rolls for this and be called an old man but, why? I have a Blackberry Storm. I like that I can go to the web when I need to, I like that I can read my emails and my Facebook page when I need want to. I installed a few apps on my phone. I recently removed them because the only time I used them was when I said to someone “hey look at the app I have on my phone”.

WOW I am really leaning toward the Andy Rooney territory here ain’t I?

Keenan Cahill – I am not being a hater but, WHY?!?!?! It is a kid who lip syncs, poorly at that, on YouTube. I have watched the videos. I watched videos of him singing the songs himself. He is horrible. Yet he has like 24 million views. MILLION! Someone PLEASE explain to me what is so special about these videos. I have seen comments on the videos themselves asking the same questions. Am I a little bitter? Probably. My video of me singing a bunch of different Muppet voices in 2 years only got 1,075 views. A recent push bumped it up some. Granted, I am not the most talented person in the world however, I think that I got mad skilz over this kid. Is it because there are 24 million people who are watching this video and making fun of the kid? Does he realize this may be why so many people are watching it? He isn’t even cute. He is a pretty unfortunate looking kid. And he is like 15. It’s not even like he is some little, little kid being cute. It was painful to watch these things. I am sure something will come out and I will feel like an ass for writing this.

Plenty of other things I don’t understand out there is this wonderful world of ours but this has riled me enough for one day.

Until next time, remember … “People write to me and say, ‘I’m giving up, you’re not talking to me.’ I just write them a simple message like, ‘Never give up,’ you know? And it changes their life.”

Fame Is Tiring

Trying to be famous is pretty exhausting. This whole trying to go viral thing is a lot more work than I thought. It seems to be working though, at least a little. I got posted on Tosh.0 and there were a number of hits so …

Jackie also is now home. Tori is happy, and I will be going to sleep as soon as I hit post on this.

Until next time, sweet dreams all and keep my virus growing!

Get Me Some Salve, I Might Be Viral

Ok, so I even kinda grossed myself out with that title but it made ya wonder and read some more didn’t it? As most of you know, through my shameless plugging as self promotion, that I did a video of me singing the Rainbow Connection from the Muppet Movie. I sang it with like 10 or 12 different Muppet voices. If you haven’t see the video, you can view it HERE. Well, some people at work decided they wanted to have fun with it.

I work at an interactive advertising agency, which means we do things for the web. My video has been up on YouTube for about a year, but all of a sudden a few of them decided they wanted to do a social media experiment and use my video. They want to see what they can do to make older content go viral in a short time. They are sending it out, sharing links, will be updating tagging, yada, yada, yackity schmackity. They want to make me famous. Which in turn might get me voice over work. Which in turn would be good PR for the company. Which in turn MIGHT get everyone who made me go viral a nice raise. Maybe not that last part.

I am interested to see what happens. I have to admit it would be REALLY cool to get in the million views range. It would be even cooler to get a job as a cartoon voice, or just to do some voice over work in general. I don’t have a golden voice but I am also not living on a street corner and don’t need rehab.

So, if you want to be part of making me the next viral sensation and making me famous for all of 30 seconds per video clip show, link to the above video from anywhere you can. Post it on Facebook, Tweet the link, Digg it, StumbleUpon it, share it on whatever other sites. Share it from the bottom of this post. You even have full permission to repost this blog entry. Do whatever you have to do to make me a viral sensation. I am confident it can be done. Granted, I am not the most talented person out there, but there are a WHOLE lot of people with FAR less talent getting famous and rich for no reason. And no … I am NOT going to make a sex tape to be famous.

Stay tuned over the next few days and weeks to se how we are doing. Actually, if we succeed, you shouldn’t have to look for updates here.

Until next time, remember … “we don’t want to be happy, we want to be famous!”

I Knew It!

Welcome friends to Techtainment Tuesday. I have been a little remiss in keeping up with both technology AND entertainment lately so I am going to zip through this relatively quickly today.

Until next time, remember …

Nah, I have a little more than that to write. It is true that I haven’t been keeping up with technology as of late. The only real tech thing I have is that Verizon WILL have an unlimited data plan for their iPhone. I am still not getting one yet. I am still a hater I guess.

In entertainment news … sort of … it looks like I, along with a small handful of others, have been vindicated for not jumping on the Ted “golden voice” Williams bandwagon.

Golden Mug Shots

 

Pretty short stint at rehab for someone who claimed they were clean for 2 years. Hate me all you want but, I always thought there was something fishy. What kind of ticks me off about that though is that someone like that, who lies and makes up stories, gets his chance, and blows it to hell, while people who are also talented but don’t get their breaks because we they don’t have sob stories. Maybe I should pretend I am homeless and then I will get my big break as a cartoon or Muppet voice. Granted, I really haven’t done a whole lot on my end other than making a silly video. What? You haven’t seen it? Well by all means click here then. (Yeah, yeah I whore myself any chance I get)

In other entertainment news … FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ZSA ZSA GIVE UP!!! I am sorry, that is a truly cruel and tasteless thing to say. That is why this blog is not rated G. Seriously though, Is she hanging around to be with her husband who is so incompetent he glued not one, but BOTH of his eyes shut? We would all like to see SOMEONE on the death pool die this year.

Joel McHale is Oprah’s Half sister!! I thought that was one of the funniest tweets I have seen yet. Another funny item was a Facebook post from a friend of mine David, who posted in reaction to the Oprah news “The biiggest secret of all this? Oprah ate the other half.” – Thank you Mr. Mazzie.

Apparently MTV is going to have commercial free programming. Skins is losing all of it’s sponsors. I have heard a rumor that the show will stay on because it will have only one sponsor. Woody Allen will be exclusively advertising his new movies during that show. Wow, that joke is showing my age.

I don’t think I am going to have any input on the Oscars this year, at least not before the show. I may actually do live updates DURING the show this year…maybe. I just haven’t seen enough of the movies that are nominated. I may have to just stick with the Razzies.

One last little bit of tech. Facebook is introducing “sponsored stories”. This means that if you “like” something or mention a brand in your post, the company you mentioned can buy it and use it as an ad. Are they buying it from you? OF COURSE NOT! Facebook gets the money and you lose your special comment. Sounds like a crappy deal to me. If a company wants me to write their advertisements, then they can hire me and pay me to do so. I think I will have to boycott talking about anything on Facebook that might be construed as an advertisement.

Tonight begins day one of the 3 night experiment “Bob alone with the baby”. I did pretty well a couple weekend ago so I think I will do just fine. I am anticipating that no housework will get done, dishes will pile up and I will be partaking in a lot of drive-up window dinners the next few days. This is only due to the fact that Piper, our American Bulldog, has been rather jealous the last few weeks. I am not sure I can play with both of them at the same time quite yet. We shall see what happened. I usually don’t tweet, but there may be a few choice tweets the next few days.

That’s all for now. Until next time, remember … “Sweeeeet poooetaaaaaayyytoooooe”