Archive for Mr. Mom

All I Can Ask Is Why?

Posted in Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2012 by Bob

Ever since Alex arrived we have been trying to keep Tori’s routine as unchanged as possible. There have been a few things that have changed a little but for the most part we have kept things the same as before. To that end, I took Tori to day care this morning. That has nothing to do with anything other than I felt like telling you all. Anyhoo, when I got home, I had to take Mrs. Voices to the drop in clinic at her Dr. because she has pink eye, in both eyes, and we know no one who has it. WEIRD! Once she got her prescription, we still have a few things we need to get for Alex … crib mattress, diaper bag and a few other incidentals that come with having 2 little ones so close in age.

We were looking at a local baby store and I noticed the prices on some things. Now I know that there are parents that have to have the absolute best of everything. For me, a stroller is a stroller and if you spend a shit ton of cash on a stroller that doesn’t convert or anything is purely status for the parent. The prices for these things are ridiculous. Why in the name of all that is holy does a baby … sleeping in a  crib …  need a mattress that costs $400? They are not going to know the difference. Also, a baby does not even weigh enough to make a memory foam mattress even make sense!

Baby furniture is also a rip off. Most of the furniture is smaller, so why does it cost twice as much as grown up furniture? And clothes … don’t get me started on clothes. An entire unemployment check (well, maybe not that much) for an Easter dress that Tori will wear only once? It would have really been nice if my former employers waited at least another couple of paychecks before they decided to make up reasons to fire me. I wish I could be a Mr. Mom but financially these days, it just isn’t feasible. I promise this will be the last time I bitch about being fired … maybe. Yeah, I am bitter.



Child Rearing 101

Posted in How To, Nonsense, Tori, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2011 by Bob

As a relatively new parent, I am always looking for tried and true methods on how to raise a well behaved, caring, smart child. When they are older I think I have it down. I remember what my parents did and so I will have my theories on what worked and what didn’t. (probably more what I liked and didn’t since I turned out pretty ok) It is the times that I was too young to remember, that I have nothing to compare it to.

I haven’t read any books or taken and classes or anything goofy like that. I watch other parents. I observe how their children act. I listen to their advice and their stories of how they dealt with certain situations. Then, I ignore it all and I take my cues from movies and television.

Everything I have ever needed to know about raising a child has been committed to celluloid and video tape. Mr. Mom, Mrs. Doubtfire, Adventures in Babysitting and many others, have all been chock full of wonderful parenting tips. This is Christmas time however, so, I am currently gleaning information from an all time classic, A Christmas Story.

What could I possibly learn from this movie? More than one might think. In addition to valuable tips in family life, I learned how to fix a furnace, that I should drink Ovaltine, how to beat up a bully and how to let out a string of curse words a mile and a half long.

The piece I am focusing on this year, is something that I will be practicing and stocking up for in preparation for the coming years. Soap. I know not to use Lifebuoy as it can make you go blind. Apparently the soap to use is Palmolive. I am glad I learned this little tidbit.

Another thing this movie teaches is that it is perfectly fine to leave your young children alone in the middle of a mall while you go shopping. They are in line to see Santa, what harm can come of that when they are all alone right? And who needs to child proof a house? 100 plugs in one outlet is perfectly fine.

There are plenty of other things I could call out, but the one last important piece of info is that it is safe and acceptable to buy small children firearms. As long as they have glasses on, then they are safe from any harm that may come to them. I know this movie takes place when radio shows, secret decoder rings and pink bunny pajamas were all the rage but, this kind of advice is timeless.

Well, gotta get ready to go out and have a few drinks with some folks from work. We are going to go spend the money from our swear jar.

Until next time, remember … “Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.”

You Don’t Feed A Baby Chili!

Posted in Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , , on January 15, 2011 by Bob

Today and tonight are a first for me. Jackie has left to go on a “girls weekend”. It is the first time that I am going to be left alone with Tori for an extended period of time. It is also my first all night alone with Tori. This should be interesting. I am going to be Mr. Mom for at least one night.

This will be good practice for later in the month when Jackie goes to Texas for 4 days and I am alone with Tori for even longer. Don’t get me wrong; I am not afraid of being the only one here with her. I think that I can manage just fine. The problem is, that my sick, twisted and perverse sense of humor will constantly be thinking about Mr. Mom and wondering what things I can

So tempted to try this!

actually get away with without a) causing long lasting physical or emotional harm to Tori and b) what I can do without Jackie finding out.


I think I might have to watch the movie again today to see if I can come up with some ideas. Granted, I only have one child to care for and she is FAR to young to eat chili. Besides, I know what chili does to me. I KNOW I don’t want to deal with what it will do to her. Hopefully, she will sleep most of the day and I can maybe start taking down the Christmas decorations or do some much needed laundry … or play Playstation and Wii.

In the end, I will more than likely not get anything done because I will be playing with Tori all day. I will NOT dry her bottom over a hand dryer somewhere, and I will not fight with a vacuum cleaner. I don’t think I will do much of anything but watch her since as I am writing this, she is in front of me on her tummy time mat on the floor, trying her damndest to roll over. She has the rolling part but doesn’t seem to know how to straighten her legs to get onto her tummy. SOOO CUTE!

Anyway, gonna wrap this up so I can go and watch her roll and hopefully get it on tape for mommy.

Until next time, remember … “Kenny, don’t paint your sister!”

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