Archive for mall

The Mall

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , on January 11, 2018 by Bob

Did you know that there are still indoor malls floating around? I’m not talking about the biggies like Mall of America, I mean smaller, local, indoor malls that haven’t yet been transformed into outdoor “lifestyle centers” full of trendy and overpriced stores. I had the occasion to visit one such mall yesterday.

I had a blowout yesterday and spent my lunch hour changing my tire. (That will be a topic for another day after I finish putting things back together). Due to this, I needed to get a new set of tires. I actually was planning on replacing my tires within the next week or so, this just accelerated the process. As things at work are relatively easy going, I was able to go over to the local Sears Auto center and get my tires replaced. I work for Sears so I figured if I am going to not be at work, I might as well at least support my own paycheck. Once Again, I am digressing.

Once I was all set and signed, the auto center manager suggested that instead of sitting in the plastic waiting room chairs, I go and sit in the mall. There are lounge chairs right outside the mall entrance to the main Sears store and the smells are better because of the gourmet popcorn stand that is right there.

As I sat there working on my laptop, it was hard not to people watch. Being it was a Wednesday, at 2 in the afternoon, there weren’t a ton of people. The people that were there however, were quite the bunch. I remember in my younger days hanging out at the bigger mall that was near us. This was of course during the heyday of malls. Not sure if I was there enough to be considered a “mall rat”, but my recollection was mostly teenagers walking around, looking in stores, not buying anything and loitering in the food court. On this day, it was mainly mall walkers, homeless people staying dry, mall walkers and a few moms dragging their kids around. I saw one little Asian lady, probably in her 70s, lap around by my little corner about 5 times in 30 minutes. She was booking!

After a while a girl in her mid 20s sat down in the chair across from me. She sat there for 15 minutes doing nothing but cracking her gum … ever 15 seconds. Yes, I counted. In the next 30 minutes, 2 Pace bus drivers came in to sit and take a break, 1 elderly gentleman sat down for 30 seconds and then got up and left, and 2 mall security guards walked by and looked at me oddly but didn’t do anything else.

I was getting bored. So, I decided I would get up and go walk the mall myself. Figured I could get some steps in sin my work VPN was not working well with the mall’s Wi-Fi. The first thing I noticed was the food court … or lack thereof. I know there used to be one. A big loop as I recall that had maybe 10 restaurants. There is now a Subway and a Sbaro. Ok. Keep walking.

I passed store after store that I had never heard of. I’m sure they are stores I am just plain not cool enough to be in anyway. I vaguely remember the mall having a couple of the little coin operated kid’s rides, but now, in every wing there were at least 5 or 6 of those things. At least 3 times as many as the last time I was there with my kids and they begged and whined to go on them.

There was actually an arcade in the mall. Well, not so much an arcade as it was a central room with all the video games. There was no Mr. Litwak doling out tokens so I don’t think it can technically be an Arcade. Other than the arcade, there were some I guess vending machine games scattered throughout the mall. They were “games” that dealt out expensive prizes such as Beats headphones, fancy looking watches, Playstations, and one machine that you could win a shoe. A single shoe. None of the shoes in the machine matched. I didn’t understand that one at all. These things were all like $5 and next to impossible to win. Still, I saw a young mother digging through her purse looking for change to try to win something. Her baby, in a car carrier, sitting on the floor in front of the machine.

The best part of walking around the mall was passing the pretzel place and the Cinnabon. It was the best part at least until the girl behind the counter at Cinnabon told me to stop drooling on the counter and buy something or she would call security. I left … eventually. Sadly, I didn’t buy anything. In retrospect, I should have.

After that, I decided to have some fun. I walked into some store I couldn’t make out the name of because of the font. It was kind of a Hot Topic feel to it. I really didn’t fit in. I also got the “Um … can I help you?” instead of a “Hi, can I help you find anything?”

Next, A store called “Life is PINK is Life”. It was all pink things. Again, a store I should not have been in. I think it is a Victoria’s Secret brand which would explain the looks I was getting. I was tempted to pull a Chevy Chase from Christmas Vacation but was never approached by anyone.

I contemplated getting something pierced at the Pagoda, getting a sales pitch from every wireless carrier in existence, getting a fast but fair jewelry repair, having something threaded and buying an Asian Treasure. Fortunately for me, the auto center called and told me my car was ready. So, I hopped on the train and rode it back to Sears. I should have commemorated my visit with a picture from one of the 12 photo booths, but I feel after changing the tire earlier, I would have to stop at the Make-up bar kiosk first and I just didn’t have time.

I don’t remember being this perplexed in the mall. Another sign I am getting old? (Like I need another one.) Maybe some of my younger friends might want to volunteer to take me to the mall and explain things to me. The potential for amusement is pretty high. I’ll even spring for the Auntie Anne’s and Cinnabon. Who knows, maybe we can have some fun at Super Bounce while we are at it.

Oh yeah, my new tires are great.

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I Went Bra Shopping

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , , , , on September 1, 2013 by Bob

A second post tonight since I kind of slacked off on the death watch this month. Today, the family went to the mall. It was the first time that our little voices were exposed to the mall. I normally detest going to malls for a number of reasons, the least of which is my time spent as a mall rat in the ‘80s.

We are having family pictures taken soon and we needed some new clothes to wear. Since I work for a large retailer we went there for my discount. We traveled to the large mall by us, Woodfield Mall as the store would have more of a selection than the 2 stores that are closer to us. We got a bunch of clothes and then went to lunch. In the mall. Tori had her first experience with chopsticks. She was pretty good with them. I digress. The real reason for this post…

Mrs. Voices needed a new bra. She decided she couldn’t get one for 20% off at Sears (I mean the large retailer I work for), so we walked across the mall to Victoria’s Secret. I think it was maybe only the 3rd time in my life that I was in VS. I think the last time I was there, I was in my early 20’s, no kids and looking for a gift for a girlfriend at the time. Before that, it was probably when I was in my teen years and I was being a pervert walking through with my friends looking at the underwear. Regardless, the common images of VS come from the winged models and catalogs that young boys who couldn’t get a hold of Playboy used to … well … you know.

This was nowhere to be seen

This was nowhere to be seen

If you haven’t been in a VS lately, I got news for you. The images are GREATLY exaggerated. First off, the people working there, you would think would be some of the hottest women since they are trying to sell the hottest clothes. Yeah, not really. Maybe it is just the store I went to but, I didn’t see anyone there that made me want to leave my kids in the car when I walk into the store. When it comes to the clientele, most would think that the sexiest of people shop there. There were more strollers in that store than at Babies R Us. And the ratio of bedonka donk to spandex worthy … WAY too heavy on the bedonka donk. People of Walmart must have had a bus tour today. Basically, the sexiest things in the store, beside my wife, were the headless mannequins.

 

WAY more of this. A crime against spandex.

WAY more of this. A crime against spandex.

To sum up, Victoria’s Secret is far from a place that any male should feel ashamed of going into. I never thought that it would be “family friendly”. Either that or I am just getting really old.

 

On the plus side, I saw a slightly thinner version of Paul Blart complete with Segway riding through the mall. It was even more sad than Paul though because this guard actually had to wear a helmet. Wish I would have gotten a picture. It was the highlight of the day.

 

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