Hello Earth dwellers. It is I, Herman IQ 074. My witless, I mean hairless, Wampa is off making plans for when his off spring arrives. A very inefficient means of cloning I have to say. While he is away, I have commandeered his archaic communication device to bring you his Techtainment Tuesday entry. I am writing this with something called Dragon Naturally Speaking. This much closer seems like the entry method I am used to. The voice that you may or may not be hearing though is most likely some earth woman named Majel Barrett. I have just recently learned about dragons and was not aware that they could talk, or that computers on this backwater planet, were all voiced by one person.
I would like to use this as a communication to all my clone brethren as well. I need to make you aware of the closest thing I have found to a threat on this planet. I came across a piece of technology that I am not sure if all of you are aware of. I thought that after years of battling those insipid light sabers that we were free from them. It appears we are not!
I found this page quite by accident but it worries me. We cannot allow this to fall into the hands of the people of this planet. This seems to be a powerful weapon based on the warnings on the page to obtain this weapon. It does however seem to lack the heft of the sabers used by the rebel scum of the past. We must still destroy this threat as soon as possible.
Speaking of powerful earth weapons, I was flipping through frequencies of my Wampa’s video communication screen and was rendered paralyzed by something that came on the screen. As the images flashed in front of me, I felt a wav of nausea come over me. I was frozen. I felt the knowledge being pulled from my brain. I was finally able to tear my eyes away and run. I listened from a distance to see if I could hear the name of such a powerful weapon. It seems the name of this weapon is a “mersychore”, at least that is what it sounded like. Quite a powerful way to incapacitate an enemy.
I must leave you now. I have a helmet polishing at 4 and must return before my wampa gets home.
As my Wampa would say … until next time, remember … “You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.”
Voicesinmybrain 