Archive for iPhone 5

A Few More Things

Posted in Holiday, Nonsense, Tori, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2011 by Bob

As we head off into the long holiday weekend … hmmm, thought I would have a better follow up to that. Apparently the long weekend has nothing to do with anything that I am going to write about today. Basically, there have been a few things lately that have ground my gears, tweaked my melon, made me go “hmmm”, or otherwise made me scratch my head or wonder aloud.

First off, movies. I remember when Labor Day weekend used to have at least one good movie coming out. Now, we have things like Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star. I have made it clear in the past that any of these movies where people just act like idiots trying to be funny are not my shot of whiskey. What is worse in this one is that at the end of the commercials, they have some guy acting like he is mentally handicapped trying to say how funny it is. What is the point of this? Why do they think it is funnier if the people are mentally handicapped, developmentally challenged or whatever you want to call it. That is an insult and to me, offensive.

Second off, mortgage banks being sued. The government says they are going to sue a number of big banks over mortgage stuff. They say that when the gov bought mortgage securities, the taxpayers lost money. Now they are saying they are suing them to get the taxpayer money back. I got 900 billion dollars that says the taxpayers won’t see any of it.

Third off, Old Navy. They have the most annoying commercials and I wish they would stop using songs and changing them to use their stupid lyrics. They suck.

Fourth off, Dancing With The Stars. A) None of those people are ‘Stars’, B) Who cares?

Fifth off, I have gas. Just thought I would share.

Sixth off, I don’t care about what people took in college when they are complaining about not being able to leave work early when you haven’t done anything really to deserve it anyway.

Seventh off, Star Wars. It is coming out on Blu-Ray. You can’t fight it, Darth Vader will say “No” no matter how much you protest. Even with all the complaining and people bitching about it, George Lucas will still make another fortune because everyone complaining is still going to buy it.

Eighth off, pro athletes. (I am stealing this directly from a co-workers Facebook page) – “I’d like to honor Lance Briggs by demanding more money or a trade from my employer too. Oh wait, I’m part of the 98% of the population who works hard everyday not making the league minimum or deciding not to play out the rest of my signed contract. Hey Lance, you tool, enjoy your stay in Jacksonville or Kansas City or whatever hole your able to find.”

Ninth off, iPhone 5. An iPhone 5 got left in a bar … again? Please. Apple quit trying to fool us and just admit that this is the way you can get info out there without admitting you are getting info out there.

Tenth off, Tori. I worked from home yesterday with Tori at home due to ill day care. It was pretty brutal and not something I thin I want to make a habit of until she is MUCH older … like in school. Anyhoo, later last night we took a cute video of her. Her new thing is saying “HIIIIII” to everyone she meets. Even herself. So, for those of you that do not know me on Facebook. Here she is being all cute and stuff.

That is all for today. I want everyone to have a safe, relaxing and fun weekend, be sure to donate during the MDA marathon and until next time, remember … “In outer space it’s okay to wear white shoes after Labor Day.”

Advertisement

New iPhone 5 Rumors

Posted in Nonsense, Tech Stuff, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2011 by Bob

Everyone wants to know what is in store for the next iPhone. Everyone is looking to rumor reports for the answers. Some of the rumors that have come out are actually from reputable sources. In my endless quest to gain national attention by being sued by a major corporation for saying something they don’t like, and after seconds of exhaustive research, pennies in bribes, a short nap and a few deep inhalations off a Magnum 44 marker, I have found a brand new list of rumored features for the next generation of iPhone. If the voices my sources are correct, then the next iPhone is going to outsell everything that has come before.

Latest rumored net gen iPhone features:

–       First off, the next gen iPhone will not be 4Gs or even iPhone 5. Apple will be going the same direction as their OS and giving it an actual name. For the iPhones, Apple did not go with big cat or even animal names, they decided to try to grab an even younger audience and go with a candy reference … “Giant Sucker”.

–       Will include Haptic Feedback. Audio sensors on the phone will be able to detect when a user is saying anything slightly negative about Apple. At this point a high voltage shock will be delivered through the metal case into the user.

–       The case of the iPhone is changing. After complaints of it being hard to hold, and the antennae gate scandal, they will be adding 150 small pin-like spikes on the pack of the phone. Not only will these aid in holding the phone if your hand is wet or dry, or if you hold it on your shoulder with your head tilted, but the spikes will pierce your skin, your body to aid the reception of the antennae. It is believed that with this new tech you will actually be able to get 23 bars of signal.

–        It will have a retractable dog leash

–       There will be a Swiss Army collection that features all the cutlery worthy of an Apple product.

–       Etched into the glass front will be an image of Steve Jobs.

–       It will have 2 cup holders.

–       If lost or stolen, you will be able to send a signal to your iPhone that will blow it up with the force of an M-80.

–       The display is being increased from Retina to Nervus Opticus.

–       New security feature will only unlock the phone after licking the screen.

If all the rumored features are true, then this will be one powerhouse of a phone. That’s all for today. I am off to find that marker again.

Until next time, remember … “Good artists copy, great artists steal.”

%d bloggers like this: