Don’t Judge A Food By Its Cover

Recently I decided to be a grown up, put on my big boy pants and go and get myself a physical. Turns out that I have type 2 Diabetes. My numbers were pretty high so the Dr. put me on some meds and told me what I need to do for some education and to get a glucose monitor. Of course, dealing with insurance put delays for everything while they decided who I could see, what I could have, yada, yada, yada. I decided that on my own, I would start to change my diet.

I have always eaten balanced meals. Unfortunately, I also liked to indulge in various foods that probably aren’t the healthiest choices. I also had (and still have) much different ideas of what a “serving size” is.  So, I started tracking everything I ate. To Mrs. Voices point, I am probably obsessing a leetle too much about tracking every line on the nutrition labels. It is driving me a little batty about how much I am having of what and too many grams of this and not enough milligrams of that. What is HAS done however, is make me LOOK at the nutrition labels, which I really haven’t done before.

It is amazing what you can actually learn when you read the labels. It is even scarier when you realize the serving sizes of things against the nutritional values. What I thought was a single serving bag of Honey Mustard & Onion pretzels, was actually 3.5 servings. What I thought wasn’t that bad, really was far worse. Ugh. It is also scary how much sodium is in EVERYTHING! Even thing that you think are healthy. Apparently they use sodium to make “healthy” things taste better. Sugars are another thing that are crazy on how much is in things that you think might not have as much as they do.

So, there are certain things I am supposed to eat that are better for me: Whole grains, lean meats and the like. I found out grocery shopping that just because the name of something sounds healthy, it doesn’t mean it is. For example, I saw something that said “whole grain tortillas”. I thought that would be great! I would still be bale to enjoy the Fiesta this year. I flipped it over and grabbed a package of regular flour tortillas that was next to it.  SHOCKER! The regular flour variety, were actually overall healthier that the ones that touted themselves as a “healthy” option. There were a lot of other things that I found as well. It also took me about 3 times as long to shop since I had to read all those labels.

I know a few of my friends who might read this are going to say “Duh! An entire pizza is not 1 serving”. It is going to be a long road. It will take a lot of getting used to. I won’t be able to do things like enter a hot dog eating contest, drink Marion under the table in Tibet, judge a cake baking contest with David or cure depression by eating a half gallon of Americone Dream. It will all be alright though and eventually I will be able to partake in Summer Beer once again … as long as I read the label.

 

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How To Make Enemies At Work

Yes ladies and gentleman, it is another VIMB “How To” moment. Today’s moment is brought to you by the acrid smell of burnt popcorn as it wafts through the office on a Friday afternoon, making the end of a long and arduous work week all the more needed. So, without further adieu but a large middle finger to the person that does this EVERY week …

How To Make Enemies At Work

1. Remove the outer plastic wrapper from a bag of microwave popcorn
2. Unfold bag and place in work-place microwave oven
3. Press “popcorn” button
4. After approximately two and a half minutes, when timer ends, press “popcorn button again (alternately you can set the timer for 5 more minutes)
5. Go back to your desk
6. When the smoke and smell of failure finally reach your desk, go to microwave and remove your smoldering bag
7. Place directly into garbage can without dousing in water
8. Walk away so no one knows it was you
9. Make new bag of popcorn in microwave oven on other side of office

 

 

Naked Pictures!

I don’t really have any, and you should all be thankful for that. I just figured this would be the best way to get you to pay attention with football and American Idol and all.

Just showing up to say hi and to keep the posts going. Tori has been a terror today and my shoulder is really messed up. I hope orthopedists give a volume discount. Basically, I can’t type so well tonight so just a quick hello and I am going to go back to watching Food Network.

And to those curious, Tori is feeling better, Piper is on the mend and I am just falling apart.

The Best Of … 2011

It is the end of the year. That means best of lists from everyone. I was reading an article today at lunch that someone put together about the best things they have eaten in 2011. I thought this was going to be a great piece as it alluded to it being about “regular” restaurants. When I say “regular”, I mean the kind of place where a family can eat for under $2000. Where they are only mildly upset that your toddler threw some food on the floor. Where they come up to you and say “oh that is the best baby laugh we have had in a long time!” instead of “Sir, please stop laughing so loud.”

I was wrong. It was a bunch of food editors who talked about the best hot dog they had in France and food that they ate in a number of places I couldn’t even pronounce in NY mostly. I find that is an overarching problem with most reviews of anything, they are not for the common person. I guess movie reviews are for everyone sometimes, but only when they don’t talk about the camera direction and how well the director used the 6 in. Fresnel with barn doors to the best of it’s ability during the death scene.

Back to the food. As I said, I was disappointed that it wasn’t more “everyman.” So, my best of list at the end of the year, is going to include best of votes from all of you, my readers. I am going to need nominees and then we will vote. Here are the following categories that I would like to rate. Hopefully I will get enough nominations and then votes to make this fun.
Best of Categories for nomination:

Best Hot Dog

Best greasy ass burger

Best breakfast place

Best family restaurant

Best Pizza

Now, I realize that everyone doesn’t live in my area (NW Chicago Suburbs), but that doesn’t matter. Nominate whomever you want. It will give me places to visit I I ever get to travel. I would love if the nominations are for non-chains but if you are in love with a chain, then by all means nominate! Leave your nominations in the comments and I will compile sometime at the end of the week and start the voting.

That Girl Loves Her Pasta!

Tori has found a favorite food, at least for now, mostaccioli in marinara sauce. We ordered some the other night for her when we ordered pizza and she LOVES it. Can’t get enough of it. She eats a whole big plate and signs and says “more!”

She really gets into it too ..

Wait'll they get a load of me!

 

What? Do I have something on my face?

 

What do you mean there's no more?

 

Hmmm ... now where did I put that napkin?

 

She is soooo my daughter … and I couldn’t be happier!

I Accept The Challenge

Not really sure I was actually challenged or not, but I am still calling it that. I was reading my friend Kevin’s blog today and it was all about safety. The biggest safety tip he gave, was at the end of the blog. As it was an “Unrelated Aside”, one would think it was unrelated to the rest of his blog but no. The best safety tip was to try to avoid stuffing this Thanksgiving that was made with White Castle Sliders. Yes, stuffing made with sliders.

Personally, I love sliders. Yes Sybil, I even love them while sober! I have heard before about the White Castle stuffing but have never had it myself. I can only imagine that it would keep the stuffing moist and juicy. It would give it a nice onion flavor. Of course you would not use cheeseburgers or bacon burgers or the pickles. I think it would be good.

I said so much to Kevin and he suggested that there may be a video post in the future of me trying the stuffing. I might even go one further and post the entire creation of the stuffing. From ordering the White Castles, to filming the shopping and then cooking and eating said stuffing. Don’t worry, I will either time lapse or just do a few snippets of the steps. I won’t bore you with a 3 hour video. I will have to convince Mrs. Voices to film and put up with the smell of the White Castles. I can look at it as my very first cooking show! I will try to make my daughter proud.

While we are on the topic of Thanksgiving, can I just say that I make the BEST pumpkin pie? Yeah, I will be the one teaching Tori to cook.

While we are still on the topic of cooking, a rerun of Chopped is on, and one of the chef contestant’s name is “Dickensheets”. Bugga, I hope you see this because that name just screams out to you to scream it out.

And I almost forgot, thanks for the idea for today Kevin!

Hanging In There

This weekend has been rough. Been fighting a fever that has been coming and going. I tried to get some stuff done around the house. I got a few things done, but then I got too worn down. Tori is still sick. It isn’t affecting her that much but, let’s just say it is affecting us when it is diaper time.

I am watching Iron Chef Halloween. The secret ingredient is Halloween candy. I find it amusing that they have to come up with generic names for everything. Peanut butter crunch candy covered in chocolate, sugar powder candy in a paper straw, etc. There were some real weird dishes. The strangest part of the night was the judges. Kathy Griffin, Donatella Arpaia and Kelly Rippa. Jackie and I (mostly Jackie) thinks Donatella lost a bet.

I’m freezing. I am going to bed.

The Sheep Will Inherit The Earth

I heard this morning that Notre Dame will no longer be issuing their diplomas on sheep skin. I didn’t know they actually still gave out ANY diplomas ANYWHERE on sheep skin. The reasons for this switch were a) the company that produced them is getting out of the sheep skin biz; b) Growing numbers of students were complaining about animal welfare and rights. I am curious as to how many of those “growing number of students” are actually vegetarians. I wonder how many of them have ever had a Gyro. I wonder how many of them have ever had lamb with mint jelly.

I know that there are a lot of people who are all for animal rights and what not. I do not want to be cruel to animals, not even cats which I HATE with every fiber of my being. There is a problem with this desire however. There are a LOT of animals that just taste SO DAMN GOOD! I mean come on, the human race evolved as hunters. We are designed to eat meat. We have canine teeth for tearing at the charred flesh of succulent, fat marbled muscle of the finest bovine … argargahrgahgrhagrhg. Sorry, I got carried away. I don’t want you all to think I am only into eating cows. I also like veal, pork, lamb, duck, venison, rabbit, crab, lobster and probably a few other cute cuddly creatures.

If all the animal rights folks have their wishes, we won’t survive as a race. We will become weak. Where will our protein come from? SOY?! Come on. You can not get the great smell of BBQ from soy. You can not deep fry a tofurky. You can not make a turducken out of soy.

There is another problem with animal rights. If we stop eating tasty animals because it is cruel, then the animal population will explode. There will be all kinds of animals everywhere. I have 2 words for you kids … Animal Farm.

Not only that, but read up on how much methane animals produce. They are destroying our ozone layer. They are being cruel to us by slowly killing us, so eating them is only fair right?

Well, I am sure that I have pissed off enough vegetarians, vegans, all of P.E.T.A. and anyone else who wants to save the whales. Actually, you can save them, just leave my cows out of it.

Willkommen Zu Meinen Blog

My German is a bot rusty but I think I was close. Why German? It is September so that means Oktoberfest season. I don’t get it either. I am a little tired of bars having a weekend of Oktober fest in the middle of September. I was curious to this phenomenon so the German in me, yes, there is German blood in my veins, decided to look it up. Here are a few facts whether you wanted them or not: (I got these from Wikipedia so god only know if they are accurate)

Oktoberfest …

–       Is a 16–18 day festival held annually in Munich, Bavaria, Germany, running from late September to the first weekend in October.

–       It has been held since 1810

–       More than 5 million people attending every year.

–       The Munich Oktoberfest originally took place during the sixteen days up to and including the first Sunday in October.

–       Only beer which is brewed within the city limits of Munich is allowed to be served in this festival.

–       Oktoberfest Beer is a registered Trademark by the Club of Munich Brewers.

–       Nearly 1,000 tons of garbage result annually from the Oktoberfest.

–       In 2004 the queues outside the toilets became so long that the police had to regulate the entrance.

So … yeah American bars … take that.

I Will Not Eat Spam I Am

The last two days, I have had more spam comments to my posts than I think I have in the last 3 months. It has made my spam folder rather full. I don’t really care that my folder is full, it is easy to empty. (aaaaaaand begin rambling NOW!) My stomach, on the other hand, does not like to be empty. I am also watching “Chopped” right now. As I have said before, I think, I have to cut back on watching the food shows because I really wish I was better at cooking and I sometimes get a little depressed (not REALLY depressed just that “bummer” feeling) when I watch them because that is what I want to do. The other night I wrote about Julie & Julia. I think Ia m going to do something like that.

I have a TON of cookbooks that I don’t cook out of nearly enough. I am goign to choose a cookbook, and just start cooking things from it. I will do this as many nights as I can. I may have to be a little selective since Jackie is a tad food sensitive at the moment, but I am sure I will be able to find enough things. Not only will this fill my stomach, but it will keep me from having to decide what is for dinner and I won’t have to eat spam. Plus, since Tori is starting to eat “real” food, it will give her some good exposure to different tastes as we give her little nibbles.

I KNOW! I will blog about my experience!!! Just kidding, I won’t do that. As I said before I am not organized enough to write about the food I make. There are MUCH better writers out there that can do that. I may write about the particularly stellar achievement or failure because the epic fails may be funny. If it is something real good maybe I will have Jackie write about how good a cook I am.

So, yeah … what? Ok, hitting the sheets now since Tori was up crying a lot last night. I have to get up early too because Piper, the dog, didn’t move from her bed all day. She doesn’t appear to be sick, but I am going to have to lure her with a walk in the morning. That, or she will wake me up at 3 am to go outside. Damn kids.