Archive for fiction

You Ask, I Answer

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , on August 9, 2010 by Bob

Happy Monday to all the fans of VIMB. Over the course of my time here at, I have had many letters come in. Yes, letters. Snail mail. Pieces of paper, written on with ink (mostly), and mailed to me here in my secret, abandoned military facility. I think that these folks, just wanted to keep that old fashioned, personal touch when they communicated with me. They also may have been sending me envelopes tainted with Ricin powder or Anthrax but the test results won’t be back for months. In any case, I have an entire desk full of letters that I just have not had time to answer. So, I figured here would be as good as any place to answer the burning questions and insightful comments sent in by you … the VIMB reader.

Our first letter comes in all the way from Devonport, Tasmania. It reads:

“Dear Voices, what’s up with the dog in your header image? I mean, do you think you can talk to your dog or something so that counts as a voice? I don’t think so. I mean, it’s a cool dog and all but … get original for cryin’ out load. Putting your pet on your page is lame.”



Well Rodger, I like my dog and yes she sometimes tells me things. I quite frequently use her as inspiration for my blog posts. If you have a better logo for me, send it. Thanks for writing. By the way, you spell your name stupidly. – Voices

Our next piece of correspondence comes from a Mrs. Euginia Fairburn in Chugwater Wyoming. Euginia writes:

“Dear Woolworth, please let me know why I can’t find any of your stores anymore. I love the soda fountains and the hosiery I used to get there. Please send me 7 pairs of knee highs in modest black. Enclosed is my check for $1.56. Keep the extra as a small tip. Thank you.

Dear Euginia, I am not Woolworth’s. I believe you may have sent the wrong letter to the wrong place, or, you are just too old to be writing or breathing. I will however cash your check and buy myself a Coke. Thanks much! – Voices

The last letter for today comes from a celebrity. I couldn’t believe it when I got this one. It is from Kurtwood Smith. You may know him as Red on That 70’s Show.

He writes:


Dear Kurtwood,

Thanks! – V

That is all I have time to get to for today, but keep those cards and letters coming. I enjoy personally reading and shredding each and every one.

I still have not been featured on the home page of I am not expecting that this will get me there either. I also haven’t forgotten about all the challenges that have come in over the last week or so. I am working on those … they just take a little more time.

So, until next time, remember … “This suit is for leisure. But many times I wear it to get down to business.”

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