Archive for Darwin

Don’t Read If You Are Allergic

Posted in Food, Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2012 by Bob

WARNING: This post may contain words typed by someone who has eaten, touched, been near or thought about peanuts or products containing peanuts.

Not to be confused with THIS Peanut

I do not have a peanut allergy. I do not know anyone that has a peanut allergy. I understand they can be brutal and quite deadly. I am not making fun of anyone with a peanut allergy, HOWEVER … I think it is a little over the top that people are protesting against Cheerios because they are now making a peanut butter flavored Cheerios. Like I said, I understand the allergies can be deadly and I understand it isn’t something that people brought upon themselves … BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE QUIT BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE FOR EVERYTHING! If something has peanuts then don’t buy it. There are bubble children out there and their parents aren’t saying “stop making everything on the planet because my child is allergic to everything.”

There are plenty of obscure allergies out there: sunlight, cold water, hot water … you name it, there is an allergy for it somewhere at some time. It seems though that the peanut allergy people are the most vocal and the most bitchy about it. When I went to school, I could bring a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. When Tori starts going to school I fully expect her to be able to bring PB&J for lunch. What I don’t understand is why, in a classroom of 30 students or whatever, if there is 1 child with a peanut allergy, everyone else has to suffer. Again, when did it become everyone elses responsibility to make sure that someone else doesn’t get exposed to whatever. Why can’t that child leave the room for lunch or let the other kids leave the room for lunch instead of banning foods. If  am allergic to bees I make sure I don’t get stung, I don’t sue the government for trying to fix colony collapse.

I know I am sounding cold and callous but I am tired of people having to listen to these groups complain about everything and think that they are so special that everyone else has to do everything their way. If you thought I was mean before, you will really hate this next comment … maybe peanuts are another of nature’s way to take care of things. Like I talked about in a previous post … people need to stop trying to stop natural selection.

With the recent bankruptcy filing of Hostess, I bought some Twinkies out of nostalgia. I was going to just keep them, but I got hungry while I was writing this and ate them. I forgot how awful they taste. They are really gross and they don’t even have peanuts in them. I think I have to go wash my mouth out now. I should have gotten a fruit pie or Ding Dong instead. Blech!

Where Is Darwin When You Need Him

Posted in Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , , , on July 6, 2011 by Bob

I am not sure if it was yesterday, or today, or last week … but I heard a report on the radio that Al Gore said there were too many people. That people were causing too much pollution. That the United States of America needed to start enacting population control laws … or some such nonsense. Other countries do it, why shouldn’t we right?

Why do we need the government to get more up in our grills, making new laws. What they should do, and this would solve the problem Mr. Gore is worried about, is to get rid of some of the laws we already have.

The problem is apparently too many people right? We need to repeal some of the laws that protect us. A lot of these laws do indeed save lives, but most of them save lives of the people that shouldn’t be re-producing anyway. The Darwin principle. Survival of the fittest.

Let people eat trans fats, salt, foie gras, sugary drinks and buy booze on Sunday. Repeal helmet laws and seat belt laws. Make fireworks legal all year round. If people want to drive drunk, put them on a closed demolition track and let them have at it. Close all health clubs and sell Ephedrine laced water on every corner.

Take warning labels off of ladders, peanuts, and hair dryers. If someone wants to use their toaster in the tub, let ’em!

(I love children, and I would NEVER want harm to come to them so take this in the spirit it is meant)

Continue making drop side cribs, install crib bumpers at the factory, make everything with BPA and small parts that can come off with the slightest tug.

Let’s go back to the days when toys actually fired small projectiles, and magnets were in everything.

All of the things that are meant to protect us are the same things that are making us live longer and are now destroying the earth. Instead of the new pictures of rotting lungs, tracheotomies and whatever else they are putting on cigarette packs, maybe they should put pictures of dead lakes, melting ice caps and barren deserts on the packs to encourage smoking to help thin out the population.

Until next time, remember … “It’s important to rescue the frog.”

 

 

And the Nobel Prize goes to …

Posted in Nonsense, TV/Movies, Wacky News with tags , , , on October 9, 2009 by Bob

If you thought this was going to be a political blog today, you were wrong, mostly. I will acknowledge the winning of the Nobel Peace Prize by President Obama. Congrats! I will half acknowledge the pointless rambling of his detractors (and just ignorant people in general) that are saying he shouldn’t have it because he hasn’t changed the world in a mere 9 months in office.

There, I am done with that. Just enough to get people to tune in and read. Thought it was classier than putting a headline of “RYAN SEACREST CAST IN NEW KEEBLER MOVIE”.  I am probably plagiarizing that from someone but I am keeping it because it’s funny because he is short.

Although the last week or so they have been awarding a slew of Nobel Prizes, I beg us not to forget the lowly, and far funnier Darwin Awards. Yes, that wonderful site that honors those who remove themselves from our gene pool. I am mentioning these not because they are in the news or making any extraordinary headlines, but because I had the occasion the last few nights to watch a few of my old favorite tv shows. Cops, Real Stories of the Highway Patrol, and new amusing favs, Speeders & The Smoking Gun Presents.

Yes, as a child and still into adulthood, I have always wanted to be a cop. Not for the excitement factor necessarily, but because I wanted to be justice for all the people that say “where’s a cop when you need one”. I think that is why I like these shows because those are the people being arrested … the future Darwin Award winners.  These are some of the dumbest people on the face of the planet. “Ok Ossifer, I’m gunna tell you da troof. Dat lady der, we used to be together. But know, I called y’all cuz I bought crack from her baby daddy, and he didn’t gimme no change back. See, here da crack right here.”

……………..WHAT?!?!?! It amazes me that people can be so stupid. And before anyone criticizes me for being prejudiced or anything … THAT WAS A WHITE GUY IN MASSACHUSETTS!

I would like to say they are just people acting to be on TV like on Springer, but COPS is actually one of the only shows that is “Reality” television.

The stupidity does not limit itself to the weekly law enforcement roundup. We all know people that you feel should accidentally fall from the sky deck ledge at Willis Tower. Go ahead, take a moment to think of who they are. I will enjoy a churro while you come up with your list.

That was fun wasn’t it? I bet you came up with FAR more names than you expected to. I certainly do not want to wish anyone ill will, after all that is just mean. But, would the world REALLY suffer a great loss if we didn’t have a Lindsey Lohan line of fashion?

The problem is that these people aren’t stupid once. They constantly defy logic on a daily basis and don’t realize they are doing anything wrong. They go about their everyday lives thinking that they are brilliant for letting their children ride on the top of the van in a cardboard box knowing it is safe because they attached it with a coat hanger.

……………..WHAT?!?!?!

I think we need a reality show somehow linked to the Darwin Awards. Where people are truly eliminated when they do not win the challenge of the day.

Stupid people should have ugly babies and name them Karma. That really doesn’t fit into anything I have written but I heard a derivation of that today and I think it is funny as all get out.

As you can tell, today’s blog was really nothing of great importance as I rambled on. So, until next time, I am going to go read about the ig Nobel winners, get myself a gas mask bra, and relax with a cold beer and a churro.

Until next time, remember that it is cold and flu season so get your pets spayed or neutered.

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