Archive for Costco

The Elf On The Shelf: A Creepy Christmas Pain In The Ass

Posted in Holiday, Nonsense with tags , , , , , , on December 7, 2013 by Bob

Normally, I don’t cave in to following what everyone else is doing. I especially wasn’t going to do this silly elf thing when I saw that it cost $30 for a 10 inch doll. I know that Tori would think is was a super fun thing so I started looking for a generic elf. I figured I don’t need an “official” elf. I really with I could have found a Hermey the dentist elf that was big enough, but to no avail.

My sister found that they had an “Elf on the Shelf” at Costco for only $12. Turns out is doesn’t have a plastic face (it is a full plush doll), and comes with an ‘activity book’ instead of the story of the elf on the shelf. On the plus side, the elf we have isn’t quite as creepy as the normal one. It was also only $12 instead of $30. On the minus side, the only thing I know of the story is what I have picked up on the street, and the streets I tend to hang out on, may not be supplying me with the proper information on this phenomenon.

What I do know, is that the elf is supposed to move to a different location every night. At first I thought it was because he just went out partying after everyone was asleep and he was so drunk when he got home that he forgot where he was supposed to be. I was corrected on that point. I thought the reporting back to Santa angle was clever and would help me get Tori to behave more. She just cries when I tell her the elf is going to rat her out to the big guy.

I also didn’t know until a couple of days after we started this craziness that we were supposed to name it. I told Tori this and she did give him a pretty kick ass name. The Blackhawks were playing that night and so she named it after 2 of “Her Blackwawks”. It’s name is now officially Toews the candy Kaner elf.

I did a little research to find out what other people have done with this thing. I found out there are websites, complete blogs, Pintrest pages and who knows what else out there on this. Really? People buy clothes for the damn things? IT’S A DOLL! Sorry, I digress. I didn’t think I was going to have to be THAT creative. I just thought I would have to move it a few inches every night to psych out the kids and make them think that he it was really leaving every night.

I did find one site of pictures that has it doing al kinds of raunchy things but, I don’t need to pay for child therapy quite yet. They are going to need it soon enough with me as a father so … don’t need to push it.

What is the point of all this you ask? As always, I have no point. I just need to get it out there and silence the voices. I have less than 20 more places to find for this thing to go.  I am hoping Tori will forget all the places and I will be able to duplicate some. I doubt it. Mostly, I am realizing what a pain this thing will be. Maybe I cam talk Mrs. Voices into being the keeper of the creep.

Might as well show him doing … whatever a … shelf … elf … does?

Bigger than a Bumble

Bigger than a Bumble

Next Phase

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , on January 7, 2012 by Bob

I almost didn’t write tonight. We had a great relaxing day … Took a nap during the day, quick trip to Costco and this was all after we got our new dishwasher installed this morning. Can I say that the guy who installed it, GREAT! Nice, friendly, went out of his way to get it installed nicely where someone else may have just left it crooked.

Anyway, we had this nice relaxing day and I was feeling a little blah today so I was not going to write. Sleeping in the middle of the day made me feel nice and lazy. But, Tori is in bed, Jackie is reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and all I am left sitting here watching Van Helsing. Plus, Jackie took down most of the Christmas decos while I was being lazy so I guess I can write something … right?

Something.

I know, that was lame but that is how I am kind of feeling today. Not funny, not un-funny. Just lame.

So, the title .. yeah, I was going to write something about how every free moment for the next month or 2 will be getting the new baby room ready, but I think I will write about that tomorrow.

Another VIMB How To Moment

Posted in How To, Nonsense with tags , , , , , , , , on December 10, 2011 by Bob

Once again, we here at Voicesinmybrain wish to help our fellow man with helpful tips to improve your holidays. Today, we here are VIMB want to help with our information on: How To Use Your Saturday To Finally Put Up Christmas Decorations.

– Wake up with plans to go to breakfast

– Wake up late

– Go to breakfast while your new glasses are being made

– Go to Walmart after picking up your glasses

– Go to Babies R Us

– While at Babies R Us, change baby’s clothes because she peed so much it totally overflowed her diaper.

– Head to Costco but stop at Sonic for a refreshing beverage.

– On way to Costco, look in rear view mirror to see baby holding her nose, telling you that she pooped.

– When almost at Costco, realize that you can’t change baby yet because you have to go home for your membership card that you took out of your wallet when you went to Vegas because a pick pocket is really going to did on that Costco card.

– Get home, change baby and baby’s clothes AGAIN because of the longer wait she blew out a bit.

– With baby in her 3rd outfit of the day, go to Costco for the 2 things you needed, walk out with 15 things you don’t need.

– Get home, unload the car, eat dinner, catch up on TV on the DVR.

– Realize you have been watching TV all night, it is 11:15 p.m. and you haven’t blogged yet.

– Come up with a crazy blog idea and try to type while watching Alec Baldwin make fun of his flight “incident” this past week and wonder if he is insane or brilliant for doing so.

– Include Alec Baldwin bit in your blog.

– Look at the clock and realize that it is 11:45 p.m. and your blog post is finished but you have totally forgotten about the Christmas decorations which is what your whole day was supposed to be about.

– Go to bed and hope you can get something done tomorrow.

 

 

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