Archive for Children

That’s What I Said?

Posted in Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , , , on September 9, 2012 by Bob

The friends of mine with kids will know exactly what I am talking about. The ones that are expecting kids, this is fair warning.

As Tori is getting older and repeating EVERYTHING these days, we are paying closer attention to what we actually say. Because of this, we are paying closer attention to what we say … and sometimes it is down right wrong sounding. We have found that there are a lot of things that you say when talking to a child of limited vocabulary, that sometimes sound just plain dirty. Half the time I am expecting Michael Scott to jump out from around the corner and scream “That’s what she said!” Sometimes Mrs. Voices takes care of that for me. You can’t argue that some the things you say to a kid would have an entirely different meaning to most adults who think The Hangover and Borat are funny. Here are some examples:

  • Stop playing with your button.
  • Stop pulling on that.
  • Get your finger out of there!
  • Let me look in your pants.
  • Did you rub that all in your hair?
  • You have to hold it straight up and down when you suck.
  • Baby girl, you are all sticky.
  • Take that out of your mouth.
  • You don’t want to taste daddy’s cheese?
  • Put your balls away.


These are just a few that I have caught myself saying lately. Parents out there, please let me know some of the good ones that you have said and then thought “Did I just say that?”


All I Can Ask Is Why?

Posted in Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2012 by Bob

Ever since Alex arrived we have been trying to keep Tori’s routine as unchanged as possible. There have been a few things that have changed a little but for the most part we have kept things the same as before. To that end, I took Tori to day care this morning. That has nothing to do with anything other than I felt like telling you all. Anyhoo, when I got home, I had to take Mrs. Voices to the drop in clinic at her Dr. because she has pink eye, in both eyes, and we know no one who has it. WEIRD! Once she got her prescription, we still have a few things we need to get for Alex … crib mattress, diaper bag and a few other incidentals that come with having 2 little ones so close in age.

We were looking at a local baby store and I noticed the prices on some things. Now I know that there are parents that have to have the absolute best of everything. For me, a stroller is a stroller and if you spend a shit ton of cash on a stroller that doesn’t convert or anything is purely status for the parent. The prices for these things are ridiculous. Why in the name of all that is holy does a baby … sleeping in a  crib …  need a mattress that costs $400? They are not going to know the difference. Also, a baby does not even weigh enough to make a memory foam mattress even make sense!

Baby furniture is also a rip off. Most of the furniture is smaller, so why does it cost twice as much as grown up furniture? And clothes … don’t get me started on clothes. An entire unemployment check (well, maybe not that much) for an Easter dress that Tori will wear only once? It would have really been nice if my former employers waited at least another couple of paychecks before they decided to make up reasons to fire me. I wish I could be a Mr. Mom but financially these days, it just isn’t feasible. I promise this will be the last time I bitch about being fired … maybe. Yeah, I am bitter.


We’re Almost There

Posted in Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , , , , on October 7, 2011 by Bob

Wednesday was Tori’s bday. Yesterday was mine. Today is Jackie’s. To quote Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein … “Nice grouping!” Tori’s birthday party is tomorrow. We have been cleaning, shopping, decorating … for a small party. For such a small party, it seems that there is an awful lot of work to do. After tomorrow though, that should be all the hosting we have to do until the next baptism. I will be soooo happy when I get a little bit of a weekend to relax. All the work though is worth it … as I have said before.

I can’t forget to actually wish my wife a happy birthday. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIFE!


On another side note, speaking of my wife, I am convinced that I am having sympathy pregnancy symptoms this time around. Not only am I tired all the time, have back pain (more than usual small stuff), but I am the most forgetful S.O.B. lately. I can’t remember the simplest things lately. As long as I remember to pick Tori up from daycare I think I should be ok.

The Best Thing I Ever Did

Posted in Tori with tags , , , , , , on October 5, 2011 by Bob

Today is an easy one to write. It is my baby girl’s first birthday. I can’t believe that a year has gone by already since we welcomed the cutest, smileyest baby into the world. Seeing her smile, hearing her giggle and getting a hug, kiss and a “da da” from her at the end of the day, makes all the daily nonsense worth it.

Happy birthday my Tori Grace! Daddy loves you!


3 Weeks And Counting

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , , , on October 4, 2011 by Bob

In 3 short weeks we get to find out what we are having. People keep asking, I answer “a baby”. If they push, I mess with them and say “ever see V?” But in all seriousness, I am excited to find out if we are having a little boy or if I am going to get way out numbered with another girl. Either way, I won’t mind.

Today however, we did have a Dr. appointment and we got to here the heartbeat. Jackie has heard it already but this was the first visit I was able to get to. It is always so cool to hear it! It gives that little bit of reality dose since it seems so surreal that we are having another kid already.

It has been a real long week already, and it is only Tuesday. I ned to head off to bed so that I can get up early and go try to get some sponsors for my blog. I need to pay for 2 kids now so I have to see if I can commercialize a little. Yeah, it’s cheap and selling out but, these days, I think i am ok with that.


Flying The Friendly Sky

Posted in Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , , , , on May 27, 2011 by Bob

Well, we are off. We are heading to the airport to take Tori on her very first airplane trip. As I said the other day, she is teething so this will be interesting. That isn’t the part I am looking forward to the most though. I have read a lot recently about babies and the TSA. I am trying to figure out how to mess with them the best way I can.

I am contemplating giving Tori some prunes in a few minutes so that they are right through her at the proper time. They want to hand search the baby, they can get their fill. Of course I don’t want to do anything that will get me arrested or pulled out of line, but damn it would be so fun. I wish I had the guts to say things like “did you wash it all off of her?” or “QUICK! Tuck it in the diaper!” while they are about to search her, just to get them going. I am far to cowardly though to do that.

If anyone has any suggestions, I have about 45 min before I get to the security checkpoint so throw those suggestions at me. If you don’t get them until later, they would still be good for the return trip.

Oh yeah, it’s Friday and I am NOT at work!!  WOOHOO!

Splish Splash

Posted in Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , , on April 28, 2011 by Bob

For months I have been writing the occasional post about Tori. I have even posted pictures of her. They have been cute pictures. Pictures that any parent, grandparent, relative … future boyfriend … would be allowed to look at by Tori when she is older. Today, that all changes.

I have said all along that I am going to be “that father”. The one that embarrasses my children without even trying, or even realizing it. Well, I figure that I might as well get the ball rolling and get that very first “DO NOT show my boyfriend those pictures!!” pictures up on the web for posterity. That’s right, the dreaded “baby bath” pictures. So, without further adieu, here is baby Tori in all her glory. Future boyfriends, we will have more to mortify her with.

DADDY! A Little privacy please!

I'm gonna wash that food right outta my hair

No more tears my eye!

These aren't the droids you're looking for.

Until next time, remember … “May the schwartz be with yoooououoouuououoalablababla”

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