Archive for Chicago

Better Luck Next Time

Posted in Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , on May 24, 2011 by Bob

I read today that the rapture has been rescheduled. It has been moved to Oct 21.

The World Series this year begins on Oct. 19th.

If the new rapture date is accurate, that means only one thing…

This IS the year that the Chicago CUBS will go to the World Series and will only be able to play 2 games.

Go figure, everyone says that if the CUBS are in the World Series that means the world is ending. At least they should be able to play the whole thing.

Breaking Flash Mob News

Posted in Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Bob

VIMB News, Chicago: Reports came in from across the country today as flash mobs hit the express ways and toll ways of the nations largest cities today. The participants all seemed to show up in their own cars and filled the roadways for approximately 3-4 hours during the early evening hours. The group was well coordinated to the point that they observed time zone changes across the U.S.

Reports say the flash “traffic” mob started at approximately 5 p.m. in each respective times zone just as people were getting off of work, causing delays for people trying to get home. Cries of “Miller Time” were heard shortly before each mob struck, leading authorities to believe the organizers were at least 45 or older.

“I just sat on the expressway for hours” one commuter said. “It was like there wasn’t enough road for everyone at once.”

Shortly after the “rush hour” as officials are now calling it, the FBI found computer communications on social networks that found evidence that the same group is planning on doing this every weekday for the rest of the decade. There were also hints, in the same evidence, that show the group is planning on staging flash traffic mobs in the morning hours as well.

“Until such time as the person or persons responsible for organizing this is found, we are advising commuters to keep a full gas tank and maybe consider taking public transportation.” an official close to the case said speaking on condition of anonymity.

The City Of Snow

Posted in Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , on January 31, 2011 by Bob

As everyone knows, the midwest is looking down the throat of one of the worst storms ever. Supposedly, we are going to get slammed with 20 inches. (that’s what she said). I personally don’t think we are going to get as much as they say, but, who knows. I have been wrong before. I am preparing for the worst … I have extra salt, gas for the snow blower, we have plenty of food and water so that we can survive the Snowpocalypse , Snowmageddon or whatever else you want to call it. I live in the suburbs of Chicago so I only have this storm to worry about. Those in the city have another snow storm to weather … the mayoral election. Apparently, one of the candidates for mayor was a cocaine addict years ago. Does this mean she will be the best at snow removal?

Yeah, that whole thing was all a setup for one cheap shot.

It is snowing out right now. About maybe a half inch has come down so far. It is already blowing and starting to drift a little. That is report one on Blizzard-Gate 2011. If it starts to snow like they say, I may be able to post a little earlier tomorrow if leaving work early is in order. I will let you all know about the snow since I am sure you all want to know. Well, those of you who read this who don’t live here anyway.

Don’t worry, I won’t update on the Chicago mayoral race. I don’t want to do politics here.

Until next time, remember … “I think we are on the verge of a major climate shift!”

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