A few days ago, Jackie and I ordered Chinese food. Really nothing to alert the media about, however, it got me to thinking about something, the venerable fortune cookie.
For thousands of years (or for however long there have been fortune cookies) the same fortunes have been recycled over and over again. Cookie manufacturers have thrown in some excitement by teaching you a new word in Chinese or giving you your lucky numbers. (btw, I have played those lucky numbers in the lottery and they got me bupkis!)
To add even more variety to the lame fortunes, people started reading them and adding “in bed” to the end. Sometimes that makes for a very amusing fortune other times it leads to a fortune that will NEVER happen. Guys, you know the fortunes I mean.
ANYhoooo, I think it is high time to change the face of fortune cookies. We need to get rid of the lame fortunes like the below: (amended of course)
• A friend asks only for your time not your money … in bed
• Curiosity kills boredom. Nothing can kill curiosity … in bed
• In order to take, one must first give … in bed
I want to start my own fortune cookie fortune company. How hard can it be? I think that the fortunes REALLY need to seem like they are telling your fortune. Either that, or just some things that would make you do a double take. I have heard legend tell of cookies out there that actually have fortunes like the ones I am proposing. I have never seen these so I am to assume they either truly are legend, or there are not enough of them. Here are some of the fortunes that I am suggesting:
• “MEOW”
• Your car is on fire
• Yes, that itching is what you think it is
• No, she wasn’t 18
• We just cloned your credit card
• Dave Grohl is waiting for you in your bed
• Facebook will be gone in 5 years
You get the idea. I would love for people to send me some fortunes they would like to see. If my company ever gets off the ground, I will pay you if I use them. Yeah…pay you.
You read me rant about it last year so you know my feelings on xmas in the stores after Halloween. On my way home from work last week I saw a house that already had ALL of the xmas decorations up. AND THEY WERE LIT TOO!!! Come on people! I know the weather was nice but November 11th?!?! If you are going to put your decorations out this early … DO NOT light them, inflate them, animate them or otherwise call attention to them when it is pushing 70 degrees in Chicago!!!!
That’s about it for now. Until next time, remember what my good friend Charlie Chan used to say … “One small wind can raise much dust.” IN BED!
Voicesinmybrain 