Personalize Me

Mrs. Voices wants to get a personalized license plate. I want to get one. She can’t because she leases her car and apparently you can’t do that on a leased vehicle in Illinois. I haven’t gotten one because well, I drive a mini van and it is tough to come up with something that isn’t mini van, but not something that makes you look like a total douche.

What is a douche plate you ask? Well, there are plenty and I am sure you all have seen them. They are basically the plates that make you go “really?” I won’t even try to list them all because, well there are a lot. The most asinine plates however, are the ones that say the name of what you are driving. “MY BMW 5” or “ESCLDE 6”.

Thanks captain douchebag.

I mean, you are paying extra for these plates and all you can come up with is the type of car you are driving? The manufacturer already plastered that on the back of your car for you.  The worst part about these is that they have a number at the end. The number on the end makes them cheaper I think. If you are going to have a stupid plate, go all out and spend the douche dollars you have.

So, what are some of the stupidest, or best plates you have almost rear ended trying to read?

 

 

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Millions I Missed Out On

So, I have had my new car for a few weeks now and I am loving all of the little technology features that it has. Automatic headlights and windows are so basic these days. Now, they have all kinds of things that make driving so much more of a lazy person’s endeavor. Some of these technological advances however, have been stolen right out from under me. I am always saying “they should do this, why can’t a car do that, etc, etc. Unfortunately, I am usually saying these things to myself and not in front of a patent clerk. Some of the things that are on my car now that I have talked about “they should have”:

• Headlights that turn on when the windshield wipers are on

• Windshield wipers that turn on automatically when they sense moisture

• Automatic high beam lights

These things I have lost millions by not inventing them when I should have. So, just to get it out in the open, and so that I can claim I thought of them first, here are a few other things that should be built into every new car.

• Automatic shoe shine while you drive

• Front cameras for pulling into the garage and to see on the right front of the car

• Microwave glove box

• Vibrating seats (the wife picked that one)

I had a few other really great ones on my way to work the other day but since they passed this stupid law about texting while driving, I forgot them.

Tomorrow I will be writing to you fro parts unknown as we are leaving on vacation. The next few days will be short and sparse but I will be here in one form or another.

Have a safe weekend all!