Archive for American Idol

Naked Pictures!

Posted in Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , on January 22, 2012 by Bob

I don’t really have any, and you should all be thankful for that. I just figured this would be the best way to get you to pay attention with football and American Idol and all.

Just showing up to say hi and to keep the posts going. Tori has been a terror today and my shoulder is really messed up. I hope orthopedists give a volume discount. Basically, I can’t type so well tonight so just a quick hello and I am going to go back to watching Food Network.

And to those curious, Tori is feeling better, Piper is on the mend and I am just falling apart.


Hey … I Stole This

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , , , , , on December 18, 2011 by Bob

So I’m stealing this from Kapgar who stole it from Marty who in turn stole it from Avitable who stole it from 2 friends and they stole it from 2 friends and so on, and so on, and so on … oh wait no … that was the shampoo secret I stole earlier in the week. I didn’t think I would do a survey thing like this ever since I stopped doing them on AOL about 8 years ago but I figured, what the hell, it is an easy posting right? THEN I started looking at the questions and realizing I had to come up with answers. So, here it goes.

  1. If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
  2. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
    I will have to go with Frank Oz. (despite rumors of his attitude). Or, I would agree with Kevin and say Jim Henson if it could be someone dead.
  3. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
    Australia. Unless of course I have to have a passport, which I don’t, so then I guess I would have to say Denver because there are things to do there when you’re dead.
  4. What do you think about most?
    The cost of therapy that Tori will need with me as her father.
  5. You have the opportunity to spend a romantic night with the music celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
    Oh yes. Please let me pick Taylor Swift … oh wait. Romantic and Celebrity.
  6. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
    This one time, after I fed Tori something I really probably shouldn’t have, and Jackie wasn’t home to change Tori’s diaper …
  7. What’s your strangest talent?
    Please, this questions just begs for me to post it again. Sorry … had to.
  1. What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
    How do you know she’s a witch?
  2. Ever had a poem or song written about you?
    If there was, I am making nothing off of it.
  3. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
    August 13th 1988
  4. Do you have any strange phobias?
    STRANGE phobias … no.  Everyday normal phobias … call me Monk.
  5. What’s your religion?
    I believe that there is something out there to make me feel guilty about believing or not believing what I believe or don’t believe.
  6. What is your current desktop picture?
    Pictures of Tori on both screens.
  7. When you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
    Cursing the fresh air and wishing I was back indoors breathing the recycled breath of my co-workers.
  8. What’s the last song you listened to?
    Ass Hole by Denis Leary
  9. Favorite band?
    Rubber or possibly hair. Although, a good case can be made for Lap.
  10. What was the last lie you told?
    I love my job
  11. Do you believe in karma?
    I wish I didn’t but things keep proving themselves to me otherwise.
  12. What is a saying you say a lot?
    Thank you please. (I stole this years ago and haven’t dropped it)
  13. What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
    Weakness: My right knee. Strength: This roll of Duct Tape that has been in my car for years.
  14. Who is your celebrity crush?
    Jesssica Alba … although she could squash me like a grape. Man crush I would have to say Sean Connery.
  15. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.
    Bad covers on American Idol
  16. How do you vent your anger?
    I let it build up slowly over the year and let out bits and pieces at family gatherings.
  17. Do you have a collection of anything?
  18. What is your favorite word?

Worst Song Ever – Elite Eight

Posted in Music, Nonsense with tags , , , , , , , on March 25, 2011 by Bob

The polls are closed and round one votes have been tabulated. A few surprises in the first round, and a few not so surprising results as well. Just like on American Idol, if your favorites didn’t make it, it means you didn’t vote enough times. Just like AI and the City of Chicago, you can vote as many times as you want.

Let’s see how the brackets are shaping up, shall we?


These are some bad songs and it is interesting to see what is going up against what in the second round. This should be interesting with some real good match-ups this round! So, let’s get the voting started!






For round 2 I am going to keep the voting open through Monday or Tuesday, depending on the number of votes, due to the fact that I know some people actually have lives and won’t be reading my blog on the weekend. Have fun, vote safely, and vote with your heart, not your head.


Until next time, remember … “The federal government has failed to act, … So it’s time that we do.”

We Shouldn’t Worship False Idols

Posted in Music, Nonsense, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , , , on January 30, 2011 by Bob

What a weekend! Finally got the driveway cleared (just in time for the next foot of snow), got the Christmas decorations all down and put away, did a few other things. We even took Tori out to breakfast for the first time. She did pretty well, she had stuffed french toast with a side of bacon and some apple juice. I was pretty surprised that she finished it all since usually she doesn’t eat ANYWHERE near that much. Of course I am kidding. She is only 4 months old. She didn’t have a side of sausage.

So, we finished some shopping today and I did some laundry and yada, yada and then it happened. Jackie wanted to watch American Idol that she still hasn’t watched from the first week it was on. I watched with her due to morbid curiosity. I shouldn’t have done that. I really don’t know why I thought this would be any different than any other year that this insipid show has been on. It wasn’t. A few observations that I am sure many have made before.


1. If Steven Tyler is going to scream 900 times every episode, then I should have Tori audition as a judge. She sounds just like him when she screams.

2. Jennifer Lopez … she just sucks. She is trying to be all cutesy. It doesn’t work. Although I did find it amusing when Ryan was saying how she was a singer, dancer and a talented actress who’s movies have made half a million at the box office. She has made 23 movies according to IMDB which means, if I heard Ryan correctly of course, that each of her movies has only made $21k each on average. That is pretty bad. Goes along with how much I personally think she can’t act.

3. Steven Tyler … stop telling the 15 year old girls that they are showing just the right amount of skin. That is just creepy and wrong.

4. Randy is well, I don’t even know what to say. He is supposed to be the “leader” of the judges but he just kind of sat there like a lump I thought.

5. Someone tell the little teeny boppers (is that still a use-able phrase?) that Ryan is really gay. He is only dating Julianne Hough for appearances.

6. I really don’t understand why they even show the auditions and the people that suck. I understand that it is funny. I laugh too. I also get embarrassed for these people. Maybe it is because I am getting old that I don’t appreciate the exploitation aspect as much as I should. I think that the thing that bothers me the most is the people that sing worse than William Hung, show up with their parents who are there encouraging them and are telling them that they are good. Not just good, but good enough to be on a singing competition. I cry for our country.

Thankfully, on most nights, I won’t have to watch this train wreck of a reality show. Jackie can record it every week and watch it while I am paying bills, cleaning or giving myself a root canal.

I am not sure how viral I am getting. I DO know that in the last few days I have had almost more views of my video in the last 3 days than I have in the last 2 years. So that is kind of cool. I will have to come up with something that can really get things going. It is hard to worry about that though when I am sitting here watching Tori try to roll over. It is soooooo cute!!!!


Well, that’s it for today. Until next time, remember … “singing is not your thing”

American Idol … The Circus Is Coming To Town

Posted in Music, Nonsense, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 13, 2010 by Bob

I know, I know. It shocks me as well that I am writing about American Idol. Honestly, I could care less about who wins or loses. I will admit that I sit with my wife and watch most nights. Mainly because I am too lazy to go upstairs and watch something else. The other reason is Jackie usually wants to watch whatever show it is that I would go and watch in another room so … I would have to watch twice. There are some nights I go and pay bills, or clean the kitchen or something else, but mostly I sit and suffer through.

This season seemed particularly painful. The singing was not at all great by any means. Ellen was amusing as a judge but Cougar Kara is insufferable, Simon has lost his edge in his last season and even the most illiterate offenders on COPS can start their excuses in more than three ways i.e. “Dog”, “Ok, listen” or “Yo Yo Yo”.

Then … there is the host. If anyone was to ever don a douche cape (thank you Joel McHale) it is Ryan Seacrest. I know that a douche cape is something totally different than how I am using it here, but Ryan is the PERFECT example of douche, so it seems fitting. This season he seems to have taken on about 50% of Paula Abdul’s bizarre personality. He touches EVERYONE, even the male contestants in that creepy way, making you feel you are watching a younger version of Herbert from Family Guy. He also just says some of the stupidest things, making for some of the most awkward moments I have seen on television since the very first Funniest Home Video of someone getting hit in the groin with a wiffle bat. I can’t say that Brian Dunkleman would have been a better host … yes I can. He at least owns a home and doesn’t live in a tree making cookies and crackers in his spare time. It is true that Ryan has gotten a lot of jobs because of this and that is the bad thing. I hated it when I saw him on my box of Lucky Charms. (I know I am probably stealing these jokes from somewhere … but they are all so true and SO funny!)

I think I got a little off topic there. Now that the 13 year olds of America have voted the final three into history, we are faced with the next Idol issue. The home town visits of the finalists. Idol makes a big deal out of “the contestants get to go home!” What they fail to mention is that it is at the tax payer’s expense. I was reading in the paper all week about the plans for Lee Dewyze’s homecoming. I also read about how they had to figure out how to pay for it. Maybe I missed something. I don’t think Idol pays the villages of Mt. Prospect and Arlington Heights for the services that are going to be used. I am pretty sure that Arlington Park Race Track doesn’t come cheap to rent out for an afternoon especially when they are changing the racing schedule to accommodate. Does anyone really think that the gamblers who sit at Trackside everyday give a rat’s ass about American Idol or even know who Lee Dewyze is? All they know is that they have to crawl into the bar a few hours earlier to lose their money that day.

Fortunately for me, I don’t have to go anywhere near Rt. 14 through that part of Chicagoland on Friday. When the president comes to town there isn’t this much traffic disruption. Yes the roads get closed but the streets aren’t lines by thousands of non-tax paying, screaming 13 year olds.

You may think that I am bitter. I am not. I really don’t care one way or another. If I missed every episode of Idol I would be fine. My world wouldn’t end. I have never cried watching any of the performances … except maybe from the pain I felt when Sihoban screeched those high notes. Some of the performances have been good. Most have been bad. I have heard better karaoke. I have seen better performances from people who have never been on Idol. (Wojdyla and MDR). But I am digressing again. American Idol is coming to town. We all have to pay for it, even if we don’t know who’s socks the mama is wearing or we don’t care why Casey has a constant smile as if he is hiding something. Maybe he and Kara are having an affair like Paula allegedly did seasons ago.

Jackie has always thought it would be cool to be on American Idol. I have thought … why? I don’t think I would want to be on there. For one, the rumors of the B.S. they put the contestants through. For another reason, I am not really sure I trust their stylists. I think I would end up with a Sanjaya hairdo and then end up in the Costa Rican jungle screaming “I had 15 minutes of fame … get me away from Speidi!!!” I also don’t think I could stomach being on that show because of the Ford commerc … I mean “music videos” that they are forced to make. With all of the problems that Detroit is facing, they honestly think that having an effeminate, elfin, reality host who stole his teeth from Martha Rae, push a Ford Fiesta is the way to save sales? I mean come on … a Fiesta?!?!?! Get people to watch and give away a Mustang or something. And what the hell is “Idol Inspired”? Does that mean that slowly over a number of weeks parts will fall off and at least once a week it will scream in blood curdling tones. I had some funnier things about the Ford Fiesta last night but forgot them due to lack of sleep from the storms that rolled through.

I am pretty sure that by this point I have totally forgotten the main topic I wanted to write about. I think I have changed the title of this post 4 times while I have been writing as my focus has changed. Anyway, there is good news and bad news. Good news, Idol is only on for 2 more weeks. Bad news, So You Think You Can Dance starts right after that. Thank god for Gordon Ramsey and Hell’s Kitchen coming back to keep things in perspective.

That’s it for now, until next time remember … “The end of the animal trade would leave more time to trap or beat to death pop star wannabes.”

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