Who Is The Master?

As some of you know, our American Bulldog Piper, had a tumor on each of her back paws. Yesterday she had them removed. She has her feet bandaged and has to be very careful because the stitches are tight due to the size of the tumors, not a lot of skin to close with, etc. etc. Last night we coddled Piper as much as we could. We have to keep her downstairs so we helped her up on the couch and she slept most of the evening. Not sure if it was the drugs or she just had a long day, but poor piper looked stoned.

When it came time to go to bed for us, we determined that we were nervous about leaving Piper alone to chew her bandages off. So, I stayed downstairs and the plan was to sleep on the floor with the dog. The dog had other ideas.

After about 5 min., Piper decided she had enough of this floor nonsense and hobbled up over me and onto the couch. She somehow grabbed a pillow and put it on top of her paws and rested her chin on it. This is how she stayed the rest of the night. I stayed on the floor, sleeping more or less at HER feet, like a good master should.

She stirred a few times during the night making me think she might be licking or chewing so I kept waking up to check. She wasn’t. She was only shifting and went right back to snoring. My phone alarm went off this morning and I woke up. She was still sleeping peacefully. I once again dutifully got up, got her food, water and saran wrapped her bandaged feet so she could go outside so I could pick up after her.

It’s true. If aliens are looking down on us, they really will be confused as to who actually runs this planet.

So, with all of the SOPA, PIPA and whatever else is going on, I took a look at some of my posts and realize that I plagiarize a LOT. Mostly myself but, I do lift a lot of stuff from places. Not maliciously or anything like that. I don’t make money off of it. My question is though, if any of this passes, do I have to shut myself down if I complain to myself without due process of my own complaints? I thought of this this morning on my way into work. Then I heard Jon Stewart kind of did the same thing last night. Before I can get shut down … enjoy the clip of copyrighted material at the link below. If you don’t hear from me in the next few days, then we know SOPA passed. (sorry for it being a link, I don’t have time today to figure out how to embed in free WordPress again! One of these days I need to switch to self hosting … but anyhoo…)

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:video:thedailyshow.com:406251

 

 

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Don’t Believe Everything You Read

Hello Earth dwellers. It is I, Herman IQ 074. I have been laying low as of late while working on my own individual plans to take over the world. I have been occasionally reading my hairless Wampa’s communiqués and am disturbed by his latest posting.

Aliens are not, I repeat NOT, coming to take over the planet. At least not as he has portrayed them. I can also assure you that the human population of this planet are not going to be used as food. That would be an incredible waste of slave labor.

I can tell you that the rash of large deaths of animals from your world has been the result of aliens. ME! I have been doing small scale tests on new weaponry. That is all I am at liberty to say. I can tell you however, that my new weapon is almost complete and that once I receive official word from my superiors, then havoc will be wreaked.

Dead fish and birds are only the beginning. Prepare yourselves earthlings and long live the Empire!

As my Wampa would say … Until next time, remember … “People in today’s body conscious society are obsessed with losing weight. My plan is to secretly replace all the artificial sweeteners in the world with real ones, thus rendering the world’s population fat, slow moving, and completely toothless.”

They’re Coming To Take Me Away

Dead birds. Dead fish. Dead cows. Lately we have seen a number of mass die offs. Unfortunately, they have been relegated to the animal world and have not included the Westboro Baptist Church. Theologians are coming out of the woodwork claiming that these are signs of the impending “end of days.” By the pure fact that the Westboro folks are still around convinces me otherwise. I have a different theory that I have mentioned before, maybe even in this blog. (Yes, you may get a few repeat topics as I am doing this post a day thing and losing my mind)

I like to think, and firmly believe, that the cause of the mass animal die offs are because of UFOs. That’s right. Unidentified Flying Objects, Aliens, extra terrestrials. I know that they are capable of this. Their ships are advanced enough to have some sort of super propulsion that can kill these poor creatures just by flying past them. They also can beam up large flocks, schools and herds of various critters right into their ships and experiment on them, travel back in time to the exact point they took them, and dump the carcasses to leave us wondering what the heck happened. They know, from years of observation, that we will question too much if they take humans. They have tried it before and we always notice human abductions. The government tries to pass these people off as whack jobs, but we know.

Our New Leaders

The day is coming soon when the alien visitors will make contact with us. I am hoping they are nice. I am hoping they are coming to help us solve pollution, save the ice caps and help us to be better toward each other. In reality though I think they are going to want to use us as food. I mean, look at us … especially here in the U.S., each one of us could probably feed an alien family of 4 for a week if not more … they don’t even have to “super-size” us!

I want to be among the first to welcome our alien overlords. As in the original “V” (since I haven’t seen the new iteration), I will be a friend of the aliens so that I may be one of the last to be consumed. I will do your bidding and turn in anyone I know of trying to undermine our new masters.

Of course there is one other explanation for all of this as well. It is a coincidence and mother nature is just screwing with us.

That’s it for today folks. Until next time, break out your tin foil tuques and remember … “We could be pets, we could be food, but all we really are is livestock.”