Archive for Academy Award

I Can’t Believe I Watched The Whole Thing

Posted in Celebrity Deaths, Nonsense, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 28, 2011 by Bob

But I did it for you, my loyal readers, and those of you who stumbled upon this looking for something relevant. Yes, I watched the entire Oscars broadcast last night. I am deeply regretting that decision today. In my opinion, and apparently the opinions of a lot of others, it was THE worst Oscars show I can remember. I posted on my Facebook page this morning that  I was going to sue the academy to get that time of my life back. I don’t think it will work. I will agree with a friend of mine that commented when he said “Don’t blame the hosts, they did what they do. Both seemed to be themselves… which is the problem.” He said they took actors to do a stand up’s job. They did not do well. James Franco seemed like he did not want to be there and was just going through the motions to get paid. Anne Hathaway was over compensating for Franco’s lack of energy and it got REAL annoying.


The academy was pushing for weeks that they were trying to go hip and younger. Hell, the hosts even outright said that during the show last night. It didn’t work. The “hip and younger” academy pulled out Kirk Douglas early on. I didn’t have him on my death watch list this year because I thought he was already dead! His speech didn’t do any favors for the pacing of the show. I know he is like 95 so don’t get on me for picking on him, but for the love of god … let the poor man sit at home with his nurse and enjoy the show. He could hardly be understood and it was just sad to watch Spartacus struggle to stand up and then tell the winner as he handed over the Oscar “be careful, it’s heavy”.


Speaking of “He is still alive?”, the academy also brought out Eli Wallach. Why? I missed that part but if they are going for hip and young, let’s NOT bring people out, that the people they are trying to get to watch have to Google to find out who they even are. I am all for recognizing them, just when it takes up 5 minutes of the show for them to walk from the back of the stage to the front. Give them a Segway or something for cryin’ out loud.


James Franco dressing in drag and making a Charlie Sheen joke … really?


It was good to see Billy Crystal on stage to try to rescue the Oscars. He should have stayed up there. Instead, why bring Bob Hope back to life NOW? It just did not make sense. At least they didn’t make him dance with a vacuum cleaner.


Randy Newman … turn up your microphone. Although, you really wouldn’t be able to understand him much better than Kirk Douglas anyway but still. At least make it look like there are professional technicians working the show.


I would be remiss if I didn’t miss the omissions from the “In Memoriam” segment. While most of the people in the presentational re probably glad they did not have to listen to Celine Dion singing for them, it was amazing that they did not include Corey Haim, Peter Graves or Betty Garrett. Granted, Betty Garrett died this year but still, how bout a little love for Laverne and Shirley’s land lady.


I guess I really don’t understand why we even have to have these things televised. We, as the average person, get no input into the awards, we get nothing for watching them, there are usually little or no surprises, and they just get worse and worse every year. I am glad the actors and crew get recognition but, can’t we just read about it in the paper the next day? Let’s see ABC pick up the contract to televise the Razzies for the next 20 years. Now THAT would be entertainment!


Until next time, remember … “My father always told me I would be a late bloomer.”


And The Winner For Worst Joke At The Oscars Goes To …

Posted in Nonsense, TV/Movies, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2011 by Bob
Oscar icon

The worst joke goes to ...

Almost as predictable as the winners of the Oscars usually are, are the horrible jokes that the hosts and presenters come up with. Every few years you will get a host that actually has some funny things to say, but the presenters very rarely have one funny joke between all of them. So, as a salute to the many awkward moments that we will experience tonight, I thought that I would give a list of jokes that would be better than most of those that will be told at the Oscars. Anne … James … forget what you are thinking, forget what Ricky wrote for you … grab a  few of these and pass them around to the other presenters. They aren’t the best but they will probably be better than anything else tonight.

Q: What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear?

A: Whatever you want, he can’t hear you!


Q: What do you call a zipper on a banana?

A: A fruit fly!


Q: Why won’t bikes stand up by themselves?

A: Because they are two tired!


Q: Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

A: It ran out of juice!


Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?

A: To prove he wasn’t chicken!


Q: What do frogs drink?

A: CROAKa cola!


Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

A: You’re too small to smoke!


Q: What is the easiest thing to part with?

A: A comb!


Q: What did the strawberry say to the other strawberry?

A: If you weren’t so sweet we wouldn’t be in this jam!


Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

A: Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses!


Until next time, remember … “Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime.”

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