I Have Lost My Mind

A few years ago, my sister invited my little voices over to her house to spend NY Eve at her house with her little voices. This year I thought it would be a fine idea to reciprocate since we haven’t been home for a NY with the kids for a while.

The last few days, the way my little voices have been rolling around in my head, I am wondering what I have signed up for. I am scared. We will see if we make it. I would say I could solve everything by drinking but … that might not be good to take care of the kids. Wish us luck!

Hopefully you can read this all in one thing without being just a sample in your feed. Trying to adjust things … slowly but surely.

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Testing … Testing … Is this thing still on?

It has come to my attention recently … by that I mean today … that I haven’t posted in damn near 2 years. Why is this? I really have no idea other than I got lazy, was working, was spending time with the little voices … was lazy. However, I have decided that I want to start writing again. Annoying the few people that might still be following this bit of craziness. I bet it surprised you when this showed up in your email or however you get this, didn’t it?

Well, today is NOT the day for anything exciting or Earth shattering. It is mainly making sure that my login still works and that I still exist.

I can promise some new and exciting things coming in 2018! Not necessarily on my blog but SOMETHING exciting has to happen in 2018 somewhere, right?

So, unblock me, re-block me, get excited or dread the future because I”M BACK BABY! Soon.

A Half A Year Not Remembered

I would like to say that the title means I was drunk for half the year. Nope. Really, it means that I haven’t posted since June so there isn’t much to remember. I am back because I wanted to make sure that I got one last post in for the year. I like cutting it close. This isn’t going to be a top ten list, or a year in review. I don’t want to risk overusing those themes and getting banished from the internet. I didn’t even know that was possible.

What I WAS going to do, was make a post of the words/phrases that have been so overused they made a “banished list”.

It became problematic however, when I saw what some of the words were. Some of them I never heard of so I have no hope of using them. I don’t know what “manspreading” is, but I am pretty sure I have been doing that for at least the last 10 years. Doing it right now in fact as I sit here typing and eating caramel corn from Garret’s.

I mean, do you really need to be a stakeholder in some price point to be able to break the internet with your bae (still not sure what that one means)?

So, if anyone wants to call a presser and we can walk it back to the vape point where we find the secret sauce that will start the conversation.

As it is getting close to that time, I would like to wish you all a very happy New Year. I would stay longer but the physicality of writing this is taxing. I hope that everyone you know is giving you life throughout the new year. I think. I don’t really know what that means either.

Be sure to tune in next week at some point as I WILL be doing my celebrity death predictions for the year. I MIGHT even do a quick re-cap on what transpired … or who Expired last year.

In the immortal words of Frank Bartles … “Thank you for your support.”

Give Until It Doesn’t Hurt

It is coming up on St. Pat’s day. Everyone knows this time of year for drinking and debauchery. It is a time for green everything. I would like to ask all of you that read this to think about something else that is green. Cash. Not for me (although …) but for a friend of ours son. He participates in St. Baldrick’s.

If you know not of this, it is to raise money to find a cure for childhood cancers. How does one raise money? By getting sponsors and then the participant shaves their head. All the hair … all gone.

Now, I am sure you all know someone who does this. I am asking the hundreds of you that read this crazy little blog to sponsor this kid. Yes, I said KID. He is 6 and he shaves his head every year for this.

His goal is to raise $350 and he is a little more than half way there. He is getting his head shaved on the 12th. THIS THURSDAY. All I ask is that everyone who reads this at least THINK about making a donation.

Not to make you feel guilty but … my 3 yr old son and 4 yr old daughter volunteered, on their own, to give $4 each out of their own piggy banks. Yeah, I went there.

I know this isn’t my best writing tonight but the point is that I am making a shameless request for you all to help out some dear friends of ours. Click the link below and you will go to his page. Please comment here if you donate, it would be so awesome if he could crush his goal. he really is a great kid!

Trevor’s St. Baldrick’s Page – Donate Here

Valetine’s Day – Day Care Edition

It is Valentine’s Day tomorrow. A day where men get in trouble, new relationships are solidified or ended and feelings are crushed throughout the world. For the young among us, it is a time to get bags full of candy and pencils and stickers and … wait, what?

Maybe it is just because I am too old to remember, or because I am repressing memories of rejection en masse but, the vague recollections I have of Valentine’s day as a child, were getting a few cards in a paper lunch bag taped to the front of my desk. Granted, I have NO memories of Valentine’s before grade school but I experienced that today dropping the kids off.

At first, we were just planning on giving out the little cards that come with a sticker. Thought that was going to be good enough. When I picked up Tori yesterday, a few friends already had passed out some Valentine’s. With packets of Goldfish, and a little gift bag of a few things. I called Mrs. Voices and told her to stop at the store. Glad I did. When we got to “school” this morning, little bags of goodies abounded.

A friend of mine called it the “Valentine mompetition” and I heartily agree. What I do remember is getting the cards, maybe a box of chalk hearts … not an entire swag bag worthy of the Oscars. All I know is that I told Mrs. Voices … “I don’t want to be THAT parent that totally cheaps out.”

It seems to be just the evolution of things. It also happens at birthdays. The kids have a party, give out goodie bags, but then also give out bags of treats at school as well. It must be because of the whole, “must include everyone” mentality. To make sure that no one gets left out.

While writing this, I have decided that it is because I am getting cranky as I age. Let the kids have their fun Bob. They are kid’s for cryin’ out loud. If you want to be the cheapskate so be it. At least their mommy is cool.

2014 Is Dead … So Are These Celebs

Yes boys & girls, this is the last dead celebrity update for this year. It seems that this past year has been full of a lot of surprises in the celebrity death front. I am really going to have to think about the predictions for next year. It isn’t a dead on science anymore. See what I did there? Ok, in order get the crickets to stop chirping, we will get right to it.

Mary Ann Mobley – 77 – Actress, Miss America – Dec. 9

Judy Baar Topinka – Illinois Comptroller – Dec. 10

Robert Taylor – 70 – Animator/Director The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat – Dec. 11

Norman Bridwell – 86 – Author Clifford the Big Red Dog – Dec. 12

Booth Coleman – 91 – Actor, Dr. Zaius Planet of the Apes (original) – Dec. 15

Christine Cavanaugh – 51 – Voice Actor; Rugrats, Dexter’s Laboratory – Dec. 22

Joe Cocker – 70 – Singer – Dec. 22

Edward Hermann – 71 – Actor; Gilmore Girls, Lost Boys) – Dec. 31

Think that is everyone. Have to admit, I dozed off a few times typing this … New Year’s day and all. I will be putting together my predictions for the coming year in the next day or so … probably tomorrow at work.

The Worst Of The Best Of The Worst Lists Of … Oh Whatever

Once again the geniuses at VIMB have decided to be totally innovative and do absolutely nothing different from anyone else. In fact, we may even be duplicating things we have done in the past. We are really just too lazy to go back and look. (and we wonder why we won’t get hired by Cracked.com.)

While I was at work watching Christmas Vacation today, I began to think of all of the Christmas specials that have been made. I also thought about the ones that should not have been made in that list. I then thought that perhaps I should be working instead of all this thinking. In any case, I thought it would be fun to go back and do some more tribute to Letterman and some top 10 listage for the holidays. So, from the home office in Shitterton, Dorset, England:

The top 10 worst ideas I could think of for Christmas specials at 10 o’clock at night

10. I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas: Starring Megyn Kelly and George Zimmerman

9. The Tea Party Saves Santa

8. Justin Bieber and the Brazilian National Choir Sing Mannheim Steamroller’s Greatest Hits

7. Kanye’s Holiday Salute To The Troops

6. Santa’s Celebrity Sober House: Starring Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes, Charlie Sheen and Lamar Odom. With special guest Chris Brown as “the enforcer”.

5. Thamsanqa Jantjie: A Sign Language Holiday Sing-A-Long

4. My Favorite Holiday Cakes With David Mazzie

3. 101 Ways To Kill A Shelf Elf

2. Reindeer Dynasty

And the #1 worst idea I could think of for a Christmas special at 10 o’clock at night …

1. Star Wars Holiday Special

September Dead Celebs

Wow, either Death himself has been slacking off or I have. Probably a little bit of both. I know it is nowhere near the beginning of the month but I didn’t want to do another 2fer in Nov. so here is the list of dead celebs that I remember reading about in September. Notice that my blog is not on there as it is not really dead nor is it a celebrity.

 

 

Hal David – 91 – lyricist “Raindrops Keep falling on my head” – Sept 1

Mark Abrahamian – 46 – Musician in “Starship – Sept 2

Michael Clarke Duncan – 54 – Actor “Green Mile” – Sept 3

Lance LeGault – 75 – Actor Col. Decker on the A-Team – Sept 10

Andy Williams – 84 – Singer – Sept 25

Johnny Lewis – 28 – Actor Sons of Anarchy – Sept 26

 

Here is a picture of Tori and Alex to cheer up the death news a little.

 

I Stole This Because It’s Cool

I Want To Raise My Debt Ceiling

Dear politicians, I would like to raise my own debt ceiling to an unholy level so that I can quit my job and stay home with my daughter. I will pay for this by charging you a fee to rule over me and make stupid laws like telling me I can’t eat salt. If you fix my road, I will pay you a very low wage and give you a performance review once a year.

I will decide eventually IF I want to pay you back or if I just want to continue to raise my debt ceiling. I will be spending far more money than I will ever take in and you will not be able to foreclose on me, or sue me for anything.

Thank you,

Voices

 

This of course is a simplistic view but it gets the basics across. I usually don’t get political but I am really getting honked off at them messing with my TV shows.