Best … Post … Ever …

Is what was in my brain this morning as I was moving from dream to waking. Then children climbed into my bed and jumped on my mid-section. Now, this is what you get.
Thank you and good day to you.

The Birds Made Me Angry

I had a Dr. appointment today so I decided to take the day off work. Since I was home alone for the day, I decided I would open up one of the phone games I haven’t played in probably a year at least, Angry Birds. I am sorry I did that.

When it was at it’s peak of initial popularity, I put off playing Angy Birds for a long time. When I finally installed it, the appeal was the simplicity. You throw a bird at some thing. Occasionally, you hit the bird a second time and it exploded, or got bigger or had a light saber or whatever depending on what version you were playing. Since I am one that does every update whether I need it or not, Birds has been updating without me looking at the game in ages. It was not the same.

I think it was the “Space” version I opened. There were all these extra things that I had to do. I started tapping the icons at the top and had NO clue what was going on. Things vortexed (is that a word?), exploded, warped, transported … all kinds of things. I grew up in the 80s when video games were a joystick and the occasional fire button. Atari was my friend. Angry Birds has gotten too big for my britches.

Well, that’s about it Doc. Thanks for listening. Since this was short, can I credit the time for our next session?

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Older … Colder

Driving to work this morning, I passed a high school bus stop. There was one kid standing waiting for the bus … wearing a short sleeve shirt and jeans. I live near Chicago. It was -7 this morning.

It must be a youth thing. I remember, vaguely, when I was a kid, we could stay outside in the winter for hours. We would come home with wet gloves, hats and coats, mom would get us some hot chocolate and all was right with the world. Youngsters think nothing of walking around ill equipped for the weather. Me … ?

I warm my car up in the morning. I wear a hat, gloves and a really warm coat. I have been tempted to wear snow pants to work. I yell at the kids to not play in the snow on the way into daycare … not because I don’t want them to play, but because I want to get inside quicker.

It has to be a product of advancing age. Seniors are always colder. They move to Florida and Arizona.

Do I have a point? Not really. I just couldn’t believe that kid had NO COAT!!!

Here We Go Again

Dear everyone that lives in the northern part of Illinois: IT IS NORTHERN ILLINOIS!

It is going to snow, it is going to be cold. If you don’t like it and/or are surprised EVERY DAMN YEAR … I hear Arizona is nice this time of year.

 

Dear media outlets in the northern part of Illinois: IT IS NORTHERN ILLINOIS!

It is not ALWAYS a “Storm Of The Century” when it snows. It is not ALWAYS the top news story when it is cold out. We have deep wind chills. We always have. We always will. Don’t interview jack asses who drive 75 m.p.h. on icy roads and end up in a ditch, and try to pass them off as shocked and mistreated by the weather.

Buy a coat, buy a shovel, don’t drive like an idiot and deal with it.

Thank you and good night.

Bring Out Your Dead … 2015 Celebrity Death Predictions

They’re not dead yet! But they will be soon, if the predictions I make here today have any merit that is. While others are celebrating the new year and making positive steps toward changing their lives, I am taking macabre pleasure in trying to figure out who will make the biggest changes this year.

As in previous years, I am going to divide this up into a few categories. The perennials, the standard predictions and instead of the “fantasy picks” I am going to go with “out on the ledge” since I realized just how sick calling it fantasy was. We did have a few come off the list this past year as “successful” predictions. Eli Wallach & Shirley Temple left us this year so they won’t be back … literally. Also at the suggestion of my friend David Mazzie, I am renaming the “they just keep hanging on category” the “Vigodas”. If you don’t know why, then shame on you. Well, shall we get to it?

We will start with:

The Vigodas – Named after the most speculated death in the history of celebrity deaths, these are the celebs that are on someone’s list every year.

Abe Vigoda – His category, he needs to be on the list. I don’t want to take him off because as soon as I do, he will die. And I don’t want him to die.

Zsa Zsa Gabor – Really? How can she still be alive?!?!

Billy Graham – Keeping him in the mix.

Kirk Douglas – If the prediction is good enough for People, it is good enough for me to keep him on the list.

Al Molinaro – Yup, still kicking and eating Encore.

Christopher Lee – Moving into the Abes as this is his 2^nd year in a row.

Ian McKellan – Staying on the list. The Hobbits are done, the lord got his ring and Michael Fassbender fits into his helmet.Oh yeah, he’s old.

 

This Year’s Top Picks – These are the slam dunks.

Herman Wouk – He is an author and he is old. 100 I believe. For you young’uns out there, he wrote books on paper. They were pretty good too. Look him up.

Olivia de Havilland – Not sure the last time I had her on the list but she is going back on.

George Bush Senior – Coming back into the fray given his recent health issues.

Valerie Harper – While she has beat all the odds so far, I am not sure it will last.

Vera Lynn – Does anybody here remember her? Extra points if you do.

Carl Reiner – I didn’t know he was 92! Comedy legend.

Carol Channing – Her voice has already cause thousands of deadly strokes.

Joseph Wapner – Yup, the man that started it all in the people court. He will bang his gavel for the last time this year.

Christopher Lloyd – This is the year of all the BTTF 2 stuff. Unfortunately, the rejuvenation isn’t real.

Maggie Smith – Hogwarts has closed and Downton Abbey is boring.

 

Out On A Ledge – These probably won’t happen but that is what is so unpredictable obout predictions.

Justin Bieber – I have to have him on here. One of these days the stupid things he does will bite him in the ass.

Steve Buscemi – I have to have a real shocker in here. No other reason.

Richard Grieco – Did you know he was still alive? While they didn’t let him in the 21 Jump Street movie, they DID let him in the sequel He has been vindicated and can die a happy “actor”.

Morgan Freeman – He will somehow deliver his own eulogy … from the grave oooooooooooo.

Tara Reid – Killed in a mishap on the set of Sharknado 4

Sears/Kmart – I mean … come on.

 

Of course I could go on and on but I think I will leave it here. I now have a record of 2 correct predictions to beat. As always, if you feel like adding any, please add them in the comments. Remember to tune in each month (mostly) for the ongoing recap.

 

 

2014 Is Dead … So Are These Celebs

Yes boys & girls, this is the last dead celebrity update for this year. It seems that this past year has been full of a lot of surprises in the celebrity death front. I am really going to have to think about the predictions for next year. It isn’t a dead on science anymore. See what I did there? Ok, in order get the crickets to stop chirping, we will get right to it.

Mary Ann Mobley – 77 – Actress, Miss America – Dec. 9

Judy Baar Topinka – Illinois Comptroller – Dec. 10

Robert Taylor – 70 – Animator/Director The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat – Dec. 11

Norman Bridwell – 86 – Author Clifford the Big Red Dog – Dec. 12

Booth Coleman – 91 – Actor, Dr. Zaius Planet of the Apes (original) – Dec. 15

Christine Cavanaugh – 51 – Voice Actor; Rugrats, Dexter’s Laboratory – Dec. 22

Joe Cocker – 70 – Singer – Dec. 22

Edward Hermann – 71 – Actor; Gilmore Girls, Lost Boys) – Dec. 31

Think that is everyone. Have to admit, I dozed off a few times typing this … New Year’s day and all. I will be putting together my predictions for the coming year in the next day or so … probably tomorrow at work.