Bob’s Travel Tips – Flying

Welcome to the first in a series of informative posts on travel. By series, I mean a few posts until I get too busy, lazy or just forget. By travel, I mean going places. By tips … I probably mean ranting about people I have dealt with while traveling. Some may be helpful, some may not.

“But Bob, there are hundreds of professional travel sites out there. Why should we listen to you?”

Quite honestly, you should probably never listen to me. The thing is, the sites you mentioned are put together by, as you said, professionals. Rick Steves and Anthony Bourdain do a fine job however, they are paid to travel. They have people. They have money. They are not you and me.

Now, as I said, I am by no means any type of expert on travel, I am just an average guy who is fortunate to go places once in a while. I don’t travel first class and even though I tried to get the crack staff here at VIMB to do some of my planning for me … I realized that I AM the crack staff here at VIMB. So, I would like to use these little times we have together to give you some things that I have figured out or noticed along the way. Like the title says, the first out of the box is Flying.

I don’t fly often mainly because I don’t get to go many places far enough to fly. Plus I am cheap. These days the space in airplanes is far less than it ever has been and it is getting smaller every day. Even the “extra legroom” seats aka emergency exit rows, do not have as much room as they used to. To me that is scary because larger people won’t be able to escape.

Flying is also getting really expensive. They nickel and dime you on EVERYTHING. Depending on the airline, some don’t even give you a free can of Coke for cryin’ out loud. With all that said, here are a few things, in no particular order, to keep in mind when flying as most people do … economy/coach.

Carry on luggage – If you decide that whatever you have is too important and valuable to put in the cargo hold, or you are too cheap to check you bag, then at the end of the flight, keep your ass in your seat until the people who can walk off the plane, walk off the plane. Standing in the aisle and dropping your suitcase on people as you drag it out of the overhead holds up the entire process. Wait until everyone is gone. It will make it easier for you as well so you don’t have to push people out of the way.

Perfume/Cologne – You are in a closed tube for hours. Just don’t do it.

Sleeping – If you drool, or snore, you WILL get videoed and it WILL be on YouTube. Just sayin’.

Security – Be ready when you get there. You are in line for 10 min at least. There is no reason you should still be wearing your belt when you get to the buckets.

Baggage claim – don’t be that jack hole that pushes through everyone to be the first one in line where the bags come out. The thing snakes around. If you are in that much of a hurry, book an earlier flight.

Talking – Introducing yourself to your seat mate is a hit or miss proposition. A few tips on this … if I am wearing headphones … don’t talk to me. If you are trashed … don’t talk to me. If you are not a hot female … don’t talk to me. Pretty much … don’t talk to me.

Talking pt. 2 – If you MUST talk … on the phone, to the person you are flying with or to yourself … do it quietly. No one cares. If you can’t hear yourself … chew some gum.

Lavatory – FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T FLY IF YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN PEE!

Couples – Please don’t feel each other up, sloppily make out with each other or try to join the mile high club when you are 2 people sitting in a row with 3 or 4 seats and all seats are filled.

So basically, drive if you can.

 

Tune in next time when I give my tips on Vegas.

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One Response to “Bob’s Travel Tips – Flying”

  1. […] Rants and ramblings of little importance « Bob’s Travel Tips – Flying […]

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