I Don’t Look Good Enough To Die

I was watching the news the other morning and there was another sad story of someone who was shot and killed. Later there was a sad story of someone who went missing. There are stories of this nature far too often. They all have one thing in common. If you are killed go missing or die in some spectacular newsworthy fashion, the individual ALWAYS has a picture straight out of Glamor Shots. I am not trying to be insensitive but, how is it that anyone that dies in a way that makes it to the TV news, has all kinds of fancy picture?

Yes, lot of people have a lot of pictures of themselves. I don’t. Sure, I am in family shots, and party pictures and all that but, if I ever die in a news worthy fashion, there is not going to be a picture of just me. At least not one that is fancy enough to be on the news. They are going to have to use my work ID picture and that will only make me look like it was a good thing I met my end before I became disgruntled or something.

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Is It Real Or Is It Butt Juice

Probably the most disgusting title I have thought of to date. It is a valid question though these days. I have a lot of friends who care a lot about GMOs, BPAs, RBIs, TKOs or whatever other scary things are out there. To an extent, I see their point. To a larger extent, I don’t care. I saw something on Cracked.com the other day about genetically modified things and how we have always been tinkering with genetics. It just comes out now because it is big corporations doing it instead of the Amish couple a few blocks over. While Mordecai is busy selectively breeding his pigs, the big corps are doing the same thing only in a test tube. That is probably where people get upset. Personally, I don’t see the outrage.

There is always something flying around on the interwebs about people upset that artificial flavoring is being made with some sort of animal secretion or another. So? It is still natural. What do people think that cavemen used to make their vanilla lattes in the dead of winter when vanilla beans were dormant? They didn’t have the wonderful chemicals that we have today. They had to use beetles and cockroaches and anal glands and bug poop and all these things from all those animals to make their paints, their spices, their recreational drugs. If you think that Peter Griffin was the first one to lick a toad to get stoned you are smoking crack. We usually find out about these things from people who have been doing them for a very long time. We just use technology to make it easier.

When you think about it, even anything man made is technically natural, depending on how “technical” you want to get about it. Everything is made from something. Something, is made from other things … and other things are made from stuff, which we all know is made from a basic atom. So, even if something is petroleum based, it is all natural right?

When it comes down to it, I think it is rather silly to stress over whether your Starbucks coffee has beetle blood in it or if your corn is resistant to the Borg. I agree that maybe we shouldn’t give babies a lot of chemicals in things but, we make more and more things “safer” and “healthier” but there are more and more children with allergies, and more and more people with gluten this and sensitive that.

Is it really worth the time and effort (and often times cost) to eat like a caveman or some other ridiculousness? Feel free to bring the “quality v. quantity” argument into it. I argue that if you are constantly worrying about what can kill you, you can’t enjoy living.

Once again I have successfully veered off of my title topic while still mentioning it briefly in the body of my missive. I hope you find my ideas  intriguing and wish to subscribe to my newsletter.

 

 

Legal Disclaimer: The opinions stated here are wholly uneducated and fully not researched by the author or anyone he relies on for information.

 

Omen

Vacation, as I might have mentioned, is in 8 days. We are going to Vegas. Since I didn’t get to watch COPS last night, I am watching it tonight while the wife is at Zumba. The episode that is on is “Las Vegas Heat”. Is someone trying to tell me something? Can I do a Kickstarter for future bail?

 

Almost There

Soon I will be on vacation. 9 days. 7 of those are actual work days. A week from Wednesday, we will be dropping off the kids, dropping off the dog and heading to the airport. I need this vacation. Vegas. I am hoping that we will win big and retire. That is what I am hoping. What I am expecting, is to come home, do my taxes and hope that we get enough money back to cover said vacation.

Not exciting tonight but I am being forced to watch the Golden Globes and I needed a distraction. Not being forced but, I feel bad leaving my wife alone while I go upstairs and watch COPS. If I did, I would have missed her just commenting on Gravity winning something with “I really wanted to see that but is seems so heavy.” Gravity … heavy … it took me a minute as well. I’m going to be in trouble for sharing that won’t I?

Trying To Get A Little BitFit

I got a Fitbit Force for Christmas. All they had were small but Mrs. Voices wanted to have something for me so she got that. We had hopes to exchange it right away but it seems everyone has gotten Fitbits this year. Finally found a large Thursday and it was exchanged. I wore it for the first time at work Friday. It is interesting to see what I actually do during a day.

It turns out I am pretty lazy. I will get better. Now that I have something on my wrist staring at me … mocking me … telling me I am a sloth.

I also saw that I can have it automatically post to Twitter, Facebook and right here on my blog. It can post a blog EVERY DAY telling EVERYONE how lazy I am. I don’t think I want to do that for a couple of reasons. 1) I don’t want to annoy folks with my horrible numbers every day. 2) I don’t want people to mock me for my horrible numbers every day. Although, that may be better motivation.

At least I will be able to know how poorly I sleep every night. Not sure I needed a tracker to tell me that though.

  Just to show how lazy I am, I thought about posting about my Fitbit since Thursday night when I got it. I didn’t and then I see a few other people posing about their Fitbits. Makes me look like I am stealing their ideas. Really I’m not … this time anyway.

Call Me Captain Obvious

I am in the Chicago area. It is cold. It is damn cold. It is going to be REALLY damn cold tomorrow. Where I work, never closes. I will be wearing snow pants to work tomorrow. If work DOES in fact close by some miracle … I will stay home and wear no pants tomorrow.

I will leave you with that image.

About That 13 Inches …

Mrs. Voices read my post yesterday and felt that there need be clarification on my mention of “That is what 13 inches gets ya these days” when I was talking about my headache. I am sure that none of my loyal readers would think of anything else besides the large amount of snow that came through our area the last few days.

I did however decide to Google myself and the phrase “13 inches” to be on the safe side. MOSTLY what came up was referencing MacBooks. Mostly. Either way, I did not come up.

There, all cleared up.

Celebrity Death Watch 2014 – It’s A Dead Man’s Party

It’s a new year, and it is time to make a new list. I have to go back and see if any of my predictions for last year were correct. I have not been as diligent with the dead as I would have liked. However, I REALLY think that this year is going to be a year of surprises in the world of death. There will be no free passes, no monkey’s taking over bodies and no new Brendan Fraser movies. This has nothing to do with anything other than I watched Monkeybone recently. There are a LOT of people that I think SHOULD be on this list. Let’s not mince words here … there are some celebs that should just die already. Once again, I have my obvious choices and fantasy league. I am also going to take some of the perennials off of the “obvious” list and place them in their own category of “They Just Keep Hanging On”. I think I will keep that one short for the inaugural run. Ok, here we go!

We will start with:

They Just Keep Hanging On – Those who are always on the list

Zsa Zsa Gabor – I don’t know what to say. She is pushing 100 by some accounts and she is still alive … as far as we know. I do think she is about to be named “Bob” if you throw her in a lake but, as far as any government can figure out, she is still alive. 5 years on the list.

Abe Vigoda – By no means do I want him gone, he is my inspiration, however, I have to add him into this section because he has been on EVERY celebrity death watch list since before he was born.

Eli Wallach – Yup, he is still around. 98 years. He may not be good or bad anymore but I am pretty sure he is ugly.

Kirk Douglas – His chin cleft has been around longer than the Grand Canyon.

Billy Graham – Maybe there is something to this church stuff?

Due to die – New predictions or not perennial favorites

Gene Wilder – New to the list this year is Mel Brooks’ buddy and long time star of many of Mel’s movies. The comic genius that he is, is looking not all that great. He may be joining Gilda this year at some point.

Mel Brooks – He is not quite the 2000 year old man yet, and the Schwartz is with him, he is slowing down and hasn’t done much in the last few years. The way back machine won’t be saving him this year.

Hal Holbrook – Making a return appearance … and what an appearance he is. Just look at him. That explains why HE is on the list.

Christopher Lee – He may not actually die, he may just turn into a vampire … or move to the Shire.

Betty White – While we haven’t had to be inundated by her lately, she might still just be famous enough that it would be a shocker.

Martin Landau – He drools when he talks. Although, he is still making movies.

Shirley Temple – Her good ship Lollipop is going to sink.

Ian McKellan – Super busy gay old man is going to over exert himself … somehow … and his future days will past before his eyes.

Peter Fonda – Why not?

Al Pacino – I just have a weird feeling about this one. Can’t explain it.

Robert Loggia – I have wanted him dead ever since I got stuck behind him, Robert Loggia, at the airport I have wanted him gone. Oh wait, that wasn’t me. Ok, so maybe I don’t want him dead but someone else must. That is a harbinger.

Fantasy Picks – I kinda hate these because they are so unlikely that one day one of these will come true and I will feel bad.

Miley Cyrus – She is going to twerk herself to death. Yeah, I went for the cheap and easy one.

Justin Bieber – I have to keep him on here just because he needs to be. Might be the one exception to my opening statement about this list.

Homer Simpson – Hot on the heels of Brian getting killed off on Family Guy, they are going to try the same thing on The Simpsons. Homer will die and come back to life … as Peter Griffin.

John Travolta – He will leave Scientology and never be heard from again.

Jennifer Lawrence – She is far too good to be true. She is going to die during an autoerotic asphyxiation thing.

Danny Elfman – No reason other than I had to tie the title into the list somehow.

I am going to stop right there because I am realizing how macabre this thing is. That and I have a real bad headache. You know the kind that are at the base of the back of your skull and every time you try to look up or down it feels like your spine is being yanked out by the Predator … yeah, one of those. That is what 13 inches gets ya these days.

I may add to the list, or, feel free to add some yourself. I know there are many other sick individuals like myself out there.

Celebrity Deaths – December’s Dirt Naps

The year has ended and so have the lives of some more famous folks. I would do a year in review but that is really too much work. I also admit that because of the holidays, I didn’t really pas as close of attention this month as I should have … again. I am sure that this list is far from complete. Tomorrow, I will be posting my 2014 predictions so be sure to come back or sign up to get it! Here we go with December’s dead folks.

 

Nelson Mandela – 95 – South African President – Dec 5

Peter O’Toole – 81 – Actor Lawrence of Arabia – Dec 14

Joan Fontaine – 96 – Actress – Dec 15

George Jacobs – 87 – Frank Sinatra’s butler – Dec 28

James Avery – 68 – Uncle Phil – Dec 31

 

See you all tomorrow for the future of celebrity death!