I’m Too Out Of Touch To Get In Shape

I’ve been doing my best to lose weight the last 8 months. I was doing great. Then Halloween came along with candy. Then Thanksgiving came along with food. Now, Christmas is here with cookies. Cookies are the main recruitment tool of Satan himself. Due to all these things that I blame … my weight has plateaud.  Maybe even gained a pound or two … or 5.

I have come to the realization that I have to start exercising. I remember vaguely how to do that. I remember running, lifting weights, a few other tortures from my track days. I also vividly remember how much I hated exercising.  I pretty much still hate it. I know that I will not do it if I am left to my own devices, so I decided to look at some of the options out there. What I found is that there are apparently no classes for exercise. There are apparently a number of comic book sound effects classes at every park district and health club in the area.

Doesn’t anyone just exercise anymore? I see things for Shabam, Zumba, Pump and Spin. I can pound my Pilates and and soulcycle until my Flywheel falls off. I can be insane while I rip myself for 30 (30 what I am not sure) or I can pee 90 times a day to get in shape. I can box my Pilates instructor while I am doing yoga in outer space.  Of course I can also prance my way fit or even act out that porn novel about Grey’s anatomy. (yes, there is a workout for that book) I can pretend I am a stripper or I can volunteer to film the sequel to Death Race.

All I want to do is exercise. So, I bought myself some of those hand grip spring things. I will have a six pack in no time.

 

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