The Elf On The Shelf: A Creepy Christmas Pain In The Ass

Normally, I don’t cave in to following what everyone else is doing. I especially wasn’t going to do this silly elf thing when I saw that it cost $30 for a 10 inch doll. I know that Tori would think is was a super fun thing so I started looking for a generic elf. I figured I don’t need an “official” elf. I really with I could have found a Hermey the dentist elf that was big enough, but to no avail.

My sister found that they had an “Elf on the Shelf” at Costco for only $12. Turns out is doesn’t have a plastic face (it is a full plush doll), and comes with an ‘activity book’ instead of the story of the elf on the shelf. On the plus side, the elf we have isn’t quite as creepy as the normal one. It was also only $12 instead of $30. On the minus side, the only thing I know of the story is what I have picked up on the street, and the streets I tend to hang out on, may not be supplying me with the proper information on this phenomenon.

What I do know, is that the elf is supposed to move to a different location every night. At first I thought it was because he just went out partying after everyone was asleep and he was so drunk when he got home that he forgot where he was supposed to be. I was corrected on that point. I thought the reporting back to Santa angle was clever and would help me get Tori to behave more. She just cries when I tell her the elf is going to rat her out to the big guy.

I also didn’t know until a couple of days after we started this craziness that we were supposed to name it. I told Tori this and she did give him a pretty kick ass name. The Blackhawks were playing that night and so she named it after 2 of “Her Blackwawks”. It’s name is now officially Toews the candy Kaner elf.

I did a little research to find out what other people have done with this thing. I found out there are websites, complete blogs, Pintrest pages and who knows what else out there on this. Really? People buy clothes for the damn things? IT’S A DOLL! Sorry, I digress. I didn’t think I was going to have to be THAT creative. I just thought I would have to move it a few inches every night to psych out the kids and make them think that he it was really leaving every night.

I did find one site of pictures that has it doing al kinds of raunchy things but, I don’t need to pay for child therapy quite yet. They are going to need it soon enough with me as a father so … don’t need to push it.

What is the point of all this you ask? As always, I have no point. I just need to get it out there and silence the voices. I have less than 20 more places to find for this thing to go.  I am hoping Tori will forget all the places and I will be able to duplicate some. I doubt it. Mostly, I am realizing what a pain this thing will be. Maybe I cam talk Mrs. Voices into being the keeper of the creep.

Might as well show him doing … whatever a … shelf … elf … does?

Bigger than a Bumble

Bigger than a Bumble

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2 Responses to “The Elf On The Shelf: A Creepy Christmas Pain In The Ass”

  1. Tell me you hugged that girl hard when she announced the name for the elf.

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