Can I Get A Witness!

Mrs. Voices stayed home today as our daycare options were skewed because of the holiday week. I got a call later telling me about the guy that came to give us an estimate on building some steps off our deck. I got the story of how she thought he was early because the doorbell rang. It wasn’t him. It was someone that I never get to talk to when they come to my door. It was a witness. Not to a crime, not to an accident … a Jehovah’s witness.

The pamphlet they left said that the end is near. The end of suffering. I didn’t read enough of it  to know how the end was coming but I just kept picturing the “Left Below” episode of The Simpsons. It sounded like they were predicting the end of the world. At least that is what I could gather from the first few words of the first sentence of each paragraph that I cobbled together.

When the wife called and told me about this, I asked if she said anything fun to get rid of her. She just politely said that we weren’t interested. They apparently wanted to come back at a different time to discuss further when they could bring a bible. I think the wife listened to the spiel a little too long. If it were me I would have said … well I would like to THINK that I would say something clever and crazy.

I always want to tell them something to drive them nuts. Not just that we are atheists or that we are devil worshipers. I kow they have a job to do just like everyone else so I don’t want to insult them. I just think that it would be a fun discussion if when they asked me what religion I was … the convo would go something like this.

witness: If you don’t mind me asking, what religion are you?

me: me.

witness: yes, you, what faith do you follow.

me: me.

witness: beg pardon?

me: I am my savior. May I ask what tenets you could bring to my fold?

witness: um … no, I would like you to convert to Jehovah’s Witness.

me: I understand you are lost child. Simply let yourself be healed and I shall deliver you once you transfer your savings to me.

I think that then, they may leave without further questions and our house would be put on the religious equivalent of the do not call registry. I just want to have fun.

Or, I would have to pull a Rex Kramer on their ass …

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