Can I Get A Witness!

Mrs. Voices stayed home today as our daycare options were skewed because of the holiday week. I got a call later telling me about the guy that came to give us an estimate on building some steps off our deck. I got the story of how she thought he was early because the doorbell rang. It wasn’t him. It was someone that I never get to talk to when they come to my door. It was a witness. Not to a crime, not to an accident … a Jehovah’s witness.

The pamphlet they left said that the end is near. The end of suffering. I didn’t read enough of it  to know how the end was coming but I just kept picturing the “Left Below” episode of The Simpsons. It sounded like they were predicting the end of the world. At least that is what I could gather from the first few words of the first sentence of each paragraph that I cobbled together.

When the wife called and told me about this, I asked if she said anything fun to get rid of her. She just politely said that we weren’t interested. They apparently wanted to come back at a different time to discuss further when they could bring a bible. I think the wife listened to the spiel a little too long. If it were me I would have said … well I would like to THINK that I would say something clever and crazy.

I always want to tell them something to drive them nuts. Not just that we are atheists or that we are devil worshipers. I kow they have a job to do just like everyone else so I don’t want to insult them. I just think that it would be a fun discussion if when they asked me what religion I was … the convo would go something like this.

witness: If you don’t mind me asking, what religion are you?

me: me.

witness: yes, you, what faith do you follow.

me: me.

witness: beg pardon?

me: I am my savior. May I ask what tenets you could bring to my fold?

witness: um … no, I would like you to convert to Jehovah’s Witness.

me: I understand you are lost child. Simply let yourself be healed and I shall deliver you once you transfer your savings to me.

I think that then, they may leave without further questions and our house would be put on the religious equivalent of the do not call registry. I just want to have fun.

Or, I would have to pull a Rex Kramer on their ass …

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Celebrity Deaths – June Fridge Fillers

Another month has come and gone and here we are hitting the summer stride. Can’t tell by the weather really but … yeah, it’s summer. Hopefully those on this month’s list aren’t hanging around waiting to be brought back because the temps WILL heat up soon, and that, that would just be kinda gross.

 

Deacon Jones – 74 – Football player – June 3

Esther Williams – 91 – Swimmer/Actress – June 6

Slim Whitman – 90 – Country singer – June 19

Bill Krause – 78 – Founder of Kum & Go convenience stores – June 19

James Gandolfini – 51 – Actor – June 19

Gary David Goldberg – 68 – TV Screenwriter/Producer – June 22

Richard Matheson – 87 – Author I Am Legend – June 23

Bobby “Blue” Bland – 83 – Blues singer – June 23

Alan Myers – 58 – Drummer Devo – June 24

Matt Osborne – 55 – Wrestler Doink the Clown – June 28

Jim Kelly – 67 – Martial Artist/Actor Enter the Dragon – June 29

 

I wonder if it is wrong for me to laugh any time I think of Kum & Go. Anyway, since the list was so short this time around, and to reward you for hanging out, here is a little tribute to Mr. Whitman. I hope you enjoy.