The Reviews Are In!

And they are starting to get annoying. Just like the many memes over the past few months that have now disappeared because they got old, (what others think I do, ehrmagerd, most interesting man in the world, Psy) I think it is time to start getting back to writing real reviews for products on the interwebs.

I don’t buy a lot of things online. I like to touch, feel and see what it is I am buying. I do use the web and retailer sites for comparison shopping and to see if there are any reviews or ratings on the item. If it is a large enough item I can usually find something reliable on Consumer Reports. For smaller things though, or newer items, I find I need to rely on the site that sells it.

Lately though, the reviews online are of absolutely no use. More and more the reviews are being filled up with creative writing essays that while humorous, don’t help me one bit. I understand when it is for something ridiculous like a banana slicer that looks like a banana, but I am starting to see it more and more on real items that actually need good reviews. I don’t care If the lawnmower gets you a lot of women … with it cut my damn grass?

I guess doing that is a meme in and of itself if you go by the definition of a meme. Although I don’t think that Richard Dawkins quite had this in mind when he coined the word.  (look at me sounding all educated).

Not much else to say on this other than please, for the love of god someone PLEASE write some real reviews. Unless it is of this blog … and it is a bad review … then feel free to make something up and write a review that reading this blog made you a god with the women … or goddess with the men … or whatever.

 

I just want to tell everyone that my hedge fund is coming along nicely. I thought I had mentioned this in a previous post but now that I am looking back for the link to it so you know what I am talking about, I can’t find it. Oh well, I decided to start my own hedge fund so I could buy companies left and right. I have $14.38. A rip roaring start. I am always welcome to the idea of accepting investors. Hint Hint.

 

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Please Read Carefully As Our Menu Has Changed

We are now serving nothing but Tofu. But seriously, I have noticed over the last oh, decade, that anytime you call a company that has voice prompt hell, that they ALL start off with “Please listen to the options carefully as our menu has changed.” This is true for companies that I have been calling for years. Their menu is either constantly changing or they just are too lazy to take it off.

“But we have to leave it on for that long in case it is a once every 3 years customer calling.”

Well if that is the case, then they probably wouldn’t remember what the old menu was anyway.

 

Yes, it is a little thing that annoys me. With every one of these types of posts, I realize I am more and more becoming the latent reincarnation of Andy Rooney. All I need are the eyebrows and the giant waddle and I think I am there.

 

I didn’t even realize that I finally predicted a celeb death correctly … the actual year it happened! Wait, this would be my second. I think I got the Gibb prediction correct. Anyhoo, Senor Chavez kicked last month and I predicted it earlier. Of course that wasn’t going too far out on a limb but still. It’s the little victories.

 

Dead Fish … Smells Fishy

That is a headline that I would have had to put yesterday if I posted. I thought it would have been way to confusing to put up the celebrity death update on April Fool’s Day. Have you figured out the headline yet? It will be the headline again one day, without the smelling part. Anyhoo, other than LiLo’s fake pregnancy scare (I say scare because Snookie will be a better mother than Linds), it was a relatively quiet April 1^st. I mention it because the following are all true stories. Any similarity to fake individuals, living or zombie, is purely coincidental.

 

Bonnie Franklin – 69 – Mom on One Day at a Time – March 1

Lilian Cahn – 89 – Co-founder of Coach, Inc – March 4

Dawn Clark Netsch – 86 – Illinois Politician – March 5

William Moody – 58 – Paul Bearer – March 5

Hugo Chavez – 58 – Venezuelan president – March 5

Alvin Lee – 68 – Guitarist Ten Years After – March 6

Clive Burr – 65 – Drummer Iron Maiden – March 12

Frank Thornton – 92 – Actor Are You Being Served? – March 16

Robert Zildjian – 89 – Cymbals guy – March 28

Richard Griffiths – 65 – Uncle Vernon Dursley in Harry Potter – March 28

Reid Flair – 25 – Wrestler and son of Ric Flair – March 29

 

Small list this month. I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to the “less popular” deaths. Although, know this … Abe Vigoda lives. LONG LIVE SALVATORE FISH, KING OF THE WAPONIS!