I … Am A Horrible Father

It’s true. I am. I must be according to everything that has come out in studies and reports from groups and watch dogs. I did something unthinkable with Tori today. I am ashamed and should be investigated I am sure. No, I did not take her to a seedy establishment (well, we did go to Walmart so that is debatable). I did not hang her over a balcony or swing her around in a crocodile pit. I did not drive to above mentioned establishment with her on my lap (Walmart is really close, I would just let her drive). Neigh, what I did was far more egregious and deplorable.

We had just finished breakfast. I had a yogurt and granola bar, Tori had her usual 136 grain free range organic oatmeal and non-dairy organic keifer yogurt blend. We did our toddler and me yoga class, 25 min of Taoist meditation and recited our multiplication tables before finishing our 45 min study of intermediate Latin. I realized that if we were going to go out in public, that I needed to get in the shower. It was far too early for Tori to take a nap and I couldn’t just leave her on my bed with Piper. I decided the safest place for her would be to sit in her crib while I showered.

I took her into her room and she was giggling as I sang her “C is for Cookie”. I put her down into her crib and as soon as I started to walk out, she started crying. My attempts at soothing her were as futile as resistance to the Borg. I tried Elmo, her giraffe, her binky … nothing worked. I had one last option. I didn’t want to do it, but, I was smelly and running out of options. The small tv that is still in her room from when Jackie was up in the middle of the night nursing was still on Tori’s dresser. I reluctantly turned it to face her crib. I turned it on and put on Dinosaur Train on PBS. She quieted right down, sat and watched while I cleaned up.

I know that showing my toddler television shows will cause her to develop into an anti-social, mass murderer of some sort but I just didn’t have a choice. I know that it is my duty, as a parent in the year 2011-12 to spend every waking minute with my child, not allowing her to figure anything out on her own because that might be dangerous. I know that every parent that raised a child who is alive today was the worst in the world and every adult alive today was raised horribly and will probably cease all brain function within the next 5 years. I got off track there somewhere but the point is, I certainly hope I don’t get arrested for letting my child watch a slightly educational PBS cartoon because I had to shower.

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4 Responses to “I … Am A Horrible Father”

  1. I can assure you, from a person that has been without t.v. for almost 3 yrs – kids still know all the hot shows. But somehow I doubt she’s irrepairable from this. Better luck next time! Jenn

  2. Most parents are guilty of using the idiot box as a babysitter from time to time. When Gilda was 2, she woke up SO early – so she learned how to turn on the tv to PBS via the remote, and I would lay in bed for an extra half hour. It was awesome. Coincidence that the first stuffed cat she had and the first stuffed animal that she gave an actual name to (other than kitty, doggy – whatever) was Nova? Maybe. Doubtful. But hey = PBS is best for kids’ shows. Really.

  3. You know, it kind of sounds like you are more traumatized by the show than your toddler daughter. I’m looking forward to the blog post that she’ll be putting up here about this incident 20 years from now. 🙂

  4. It’s the people who never even think twice about it who have the problem. I think you’re safe.

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