Archive for December, 2011

Overture, Curtains, Lights, This Is It, The Night Of Nights

Posted in Holiday, Nonsense with tags , , , on December 31, 2011 by Bob

A rather long title, but, it has been an awfully long year. Today is the last day of the year. Sadly, it is also my last post of the year. I would like to say that I am thrilled that I technically do not have to post every day anymore. I am happy that I completed the challenge with only 2 misses during the year. I missed January first last year because I didn’t know about the challenge until January second. The other day I missed was because I was busy, tired or lazy or something and realized at 2 am I forgot to blog. I made up for it though with a few days of multiple postings.

I am trying to decide if I am going to continue with posting every day over the next year. I feel like if I don’t, I will feel like I am missing something. I do enjoy writing and I think that with some of the new things I have planned that I touched on yesterday but didn’t actually mention, will give me plenty to write about.

Well, now that all that is said to make my blog a little longer and not just a “Happy New Year” cop out. I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have read me over the past year, liked, followed, commented and otherwise made the voices in my brain keep me from going insane. There, I got a little mushy.

So, with all that said and posted, I want to wish everyone out there a safe and happy new Year. Celebrate safely, don’t drink and drive, don’t drink and make out with someone you don’t know, or with someone you DO know that you shouldn’t be making out with, don’t drink and run down the street in your underwear at midnight, don’t drink and dance and most of all, don’t drink and do a keg stand.

Have a great night everyone and see you next year!


Second To Last Post Of The Year

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , , , , on December 30, 2011 by Bob

I have been trying to think of something outrageously spectacular for my last 2 blogs of the year, thus completing the post a day challenge for 2011. While I was doing this, I started to think to myself, “Self, do you really need to come up with something for the last 2 posts of the year, thus completing the post a day challenge for 2011?” Then a Lego commercial came on TV, I got distracted, forgot what I was thinking about and got up and made a sandwich. Now I am sitting here trying to think of something while the wife is watching Fashion Police. The scary part is, I am finding Joan Rivers actually amusing. None of this of course, has anything to do with my blog. In fact, I forgot what the hell I was actually going to write about tonight before I went off on my tangents that were supposed to make it seem like I was having a hard time coming up with something.

The new year is coming up. (smooth transition huh?) I have plans to have plenty of new ideas to try in the coming year. There will be a visit very soon of my first video starring my new Muppet. Granted, it will be a youtube video embedded in my post but still. There will also be plenty of updates on the baby that will be here in 2 AND A HALF MONTHS!!!! Holy crap! I just realized how soon the new baby is going to be here! Damn I have a lot of stuff to do! Ok, gotta go and get to bed so I can stress out about stuff tomorrow before we party for probably our last new years out for a while. But it will soooo be worth it in the years to come 🙂

I … Am A Horrible Father

Posted in Nonsense, Tori, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , on December 29, 2011 by Bob

It’s true. I am. I must be according to everything that has come out in studies and reports from groups and watch dogs. I did something unthinkable with Tori today. I am ashamed and should be investigated I am sure. No, I did not take her to a seedy establishment (well, we did go to Walmart so that is debatable). I did not hang her over a balcony or swing her around in a crocodile pit. I did not drive to above mentioned establishment with her on my lap (Walmart is really close, I would just let her drive). Neigh, what I did was far more egregious and deplorable.

We had just finished breakfast. I had a yogurt and granola bar, Tori had her usual 136 grain free range organic oatmeal and non-dairy organic keifer yogurt blend. We did our toddler and me yoga class, 25 min of Taoist meditation and recited our multiplication tables before finishing our 45 min study of intermediate Latin. I realized that if we were going to go out in public, that I needed to get in the shower. It was far too early for Tori to take a nap and I couldn’t just leave her on my bed with Piper. I decided the safest place for her would be to sit in her crib while I showered.

I took her into her room and she was giggling as I sang her “C is for Cookie”. I put her down into her crib and as soon as I started to walk out, she started crying. My attempts at soothing her were as futile as resistance to the Borg. I tried Elmo, her giraffe, her binky … nothing worked. I had one last option. I didn’t want to do it, but, I was smelly and running out of options. The small tv that is still in her room from when Jackie was up in the middle of the night nursing was still on Tori’s dresser. I reluctantly turned it to face her crib. I turned it on and put on Dinosaur Train on PBS. She quieted right down, sat and watched while I cleaned up.

I know that showing my toddler television shows will cause her to develop into an anti-social, mass murderer of some sort but I just didn’t have a choice. I know that it is my duty, as a parent in the year 2011-12 to spend every waking minute with my child, not allowing her to figure anything out on her own because that might be dangerous. I know that every parent that raised a child who is alive today was the worst in the world and every adult alive today was raised horribly and will probably cease all brain function within the next 5 years. I got off track there somewhere but the point is, I certainly hope I don’t get arrested for letting my child watch a slightly educational PBS cartoon because I had to shower.

How Long Can I Keep It Up?

Posted in Nonsense, Tori, Vacation with tags , , on December 28, 2011 by Bob

I have to admit, the prospect of a year of posting every day finally coming  an end is VERY appealing. On the other hand, I wonder how much I can keep it going past the 1 year goal. I kind of think that come March when little Nicodemus Dude Bartholomew Wonderbutt Donatello gets here, it will be harder to keep up. With 4 days left, I suppose I should be trying to come up with something a little better than my usual fare. Rest assured I am busy playing with Tori this week since I am off work and it is me and her all on our own. I have found that I love this. If anyone wants to give me a million dollars so I can quit my job and just stay home with Tori, I would be grateful.

Going back to something I was saying one day, I am working on a few things for the end of the year. Or is it for the beginning of the year? I can’t remember. I will have something the next three or 4 days, and then I will have a few things after those days and a few things after that. I may take a day off in the new year or I may keep writing. Yeah, I am this close to falling asleep. Tori tires me out but I love it. Yeah, you might get three days of Tori stuff.

ComEd Sucks

Posted in Nonsense, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , , , on December 27, 2011 by Bob

Since I have been home for a few days now and not running all over, I have had time to look out my back window. I also had time to look online to see why the trees that block the sound of the train were cut down. It is because ComEd is putting up new high voltage lines right behind my house. They could have gone along the road but the jack ass geniuses at ComEd and the Illinois Commerce Commission decided that it would be far better to run the lines right behind people homes, decreasing the home value and creating possible health issues.  I know the village of Huntley fought this a little bit, I just hope that they fought it enough. I am wondering who at ComEd, the ICC or Huntley will be paying for the decrease in home value because these power lines are right behind people homes. Maybe if I have even more money to throw away I will consider sueing someone for some amount. I doubt it will do any good though and obviously our elected politicians did not do enough to be able to move these another 100 yards away or so. Yeah, I am bitter and angry. Letters will be written this week while Tori is napping.

Jackie got the last Harry Potter movie for Christmas. It had a digital copy with this new “UltraVoiolet” crap from Flixter. So far, what a pain in the ass. I hope that this method fails miserably and they go back to just regular digital copies. I hate that I had to register for all this and that I can’t figure out how to get it into my iTunes yet. Just an annoying day all around I guess.

What’s In A Name

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , , on December 26, 2011 by Bob

Other than an identity, it is just something that you are called. It really doesn’t make up who you are … or does it? Some folks say that your name dictates who you will be and what career you will have. I agree to a point. If you give your child a really dorky name, he will live in your basement until he is 40 playing video games. If you give him a decent name, he will move out as soon as he can and be normal.

Jackie and I are trying to come up with a name for our future little one. It is not easy. Tori’s name came to us pretty easily. For this little guy’s name, we are having a bit more trouble. We each seem to have too many requirements that the other one doesn’t agree with. He is due around St. Patrick’s Day so at first we were thinking about an Irish name because of that. Turns out, Jackie doesn’t like the names that I come up with and I don’t like the ones that she comes up with.

We don’t want anything that ends with son, sin, sen, san etc, because it would sound to weird with our last name. It also can’t start with a T because I don’t like the names starting with the same letter or the names sounding the same. Jackie has to have a name that works well with a shortened nickname. It also has to go with the middle name we are thinking about. And it has to be a boy’s name. Yeah, see how many restrictions there are to this? I know we will come up with something but, man, I thought the second time around would be easier. We just need a name that jumps out at us. That calls to us. That says, HEY PICK ME! Anyone have any suggestions? Anyone?


And To All A Good Night

Posted in Holiday, Nonsense with tags , , , on December 25, 2011 by Bob

Wow, what an excellent Christmas. It wasn’t Tori’s first Christmas, but it was the first where she sort of had a clue what was going on. She even left her Santa hat on until we got to grandma’s and everyone got to see her cuteness.

Believe it or not, we actually got this picture at home.

Anyhoo, Tori had a great Christmas. We all had a great Christmas and I got a Muppet! That was the biggest surprise. I had no idea! He will be debuting here soon!

Just want to wish everyone a happy and merry Festihanuchristmakwanzadan! Me and the missus are going to relax a little, enjoy the Grizwalds and then settle in for a long winter’s nap.

Until next time, remember … “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”

It’s A Christmas Eve Miracle!

Posted in Herman IQ 074, Holiday, Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , , , on December 24, 2011 by Bob

So, this morning I decided that I had to do some laundry in order to have clean clothes to wear to my in-law’s and my parent’s for Christmas eve. It is traditional Christmas Eve lasagne at my mom’s so I just had to wash some jeans. Since it was jeans I was washing, I decided to wash my jacket as well. I don’t think I washed it since we got back from Vegas, but I could be wrong. In either case, I did the standard emptying of pockets in the jeans and my jacket, turning all the pockets inside out so as to make sure nothing got into the wash. I went down stairs to start my gift wrapping odyssey. After the wash cycle was complete, Jackie was going to put the little voice down for her nap and asked if I ever put the clothes in the dryer. I told her no and she said she would do it. All of a sudden from up in the laundry room there came such a clatter … of laughter and “oh my god you are not going to believe what i just found in the wash!” I told her to tell me, but she said she had to show me. She came down and stood on the stairs and held out over the railing what she had found so I could see it.

I could NOT believe what I was seeing. I had emptied my pockets umpteen times. Searched through them over and over. I had been wearing my jacket for 2 weeks … HOW on earth could I have missed this?

Zombie Herman?


YES! It is Herman who we thought was lost in the wilds of Freemont Street! How he made it home I have no clue. He is still in quarantine to determine if indeed he is a zombie or not. I kid you not people, this was NOT planned or expected. I also did not clone Herman and replace him. Jackie laughed a little when she showed me because I was almost as excited as Lindsey Lohan when she found out she could drink again.

Yeah, I am a little bit of a geek for being this excited. It really is kind of cool though, and a little creepy. I really have been wearing the coat since we got back from Vegas and I have been in and out of the pockets. I have no clue what happened. Jackie was more practical. She said “I really am impressed at how well the pain stayed on his uniform after going through the wash.” I love my wife.

Welcome Home Herman!!!!!! (once we find out if you are a zombie or not that is)

I’m Done

Posted in Holiday, Nonsense with tags , on December 23, 2011 by Bob

Just a quick hello. I just wanted to verify that I am officially 100% done Christmas shopping. We are out at a party tonight so wrapping happens tomorrow in the few free hours I have. Forgive any typos in here since I am typing this on my phone. I have to go and change Tori now. Talk to you all tomorrow.

What Not To Buy … A Gifting Guide

Posted in Holiday, How To, Nonsense with tags , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2011 by Bob

So, the other day the team here at Voicesinmybrain gave our directions on how to shop last minute. We have received literally hundreds of comments on that post. Granted, they were mostly spam, but we still had a big enough response that the editorial staff got together and read through the one email we got from Melvin R. in Susquehanna, PA. This email had a simple request: “You told us how to shop and gave a few suggestions, but, what should I avoid buying for my girlfriend?” Excellent question Melvin. Since the editorial staff only has 2 women, and one of them can’t speak, there was limited input from the female perspective. We did do our best however to come up with our top 10 list of gifts NOT to get your girlfriend for Christmas (or any other holiday for that matter). In no particular order, here they are.

1. A stripper pole – No matter how sexy you think she is, and no matter how sexy SHE thinks she is, you should never suggest she dance for you like that. For this to truly be a gift, she should buy it for YOU.

2. Anything that vibrates – Do you really want to encourage her to replace you?

3. Edible Clothing – Again, this is really a gift for you. If you think it isn’t, consider the fact that she is going to be all sticky and gross after you are done slobbering all over her.

4. Cooking lessons – If she doesn’t already know how to cook, then that means she doesn’t want to. Trying a not so subtle hint as this is a possible relationship ender.  Take her to dinner somewhere nice instead.

5. Anything to do with cleaning – See #4 … same concept.

6. Gym Membership – Again, see #4 … Do you see the pattern here?

7. Clothes – So many things can go wrong with this … Wrong size which can get you in trouble, wrong style which could show her how bad your fashion sense is (I learned that one the hard way) and god forbid you buy sexy lingerie.

8. A romantic weekend – This actually depends on how long you have been together. Too soon and you will scare her away. Don’t wait too long in the relationship though or she will expect a ring during the weekend.

9. A pet – This is like saying, “I want a pet but I don’t want to take care of it so I am giving it to you as a gift so I can play with it but you have to take care of it.”

10. A poem or original song – No matter how “romantic” you think this idea might be, unless you are Dr. Seuss or Dave Grohl, all you will be saying is “I am soooo cheap!”

Remember, we worked for minutes and did a modicum of research in order to bring you this helpful information. Please do not embarrass yourself this gift giving season. Heed our advice and you will find you will be the best gifter on your side of the bed.

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