Archive for October, 2011

Why Can’t I? : Part 2

Posted in Nonsense on October 31, 2011 by Bob

Sorry, It was brought to my attention that my reality show was not working. It is now so click here to read the fixed blog. This is all I will post today … I swear!

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Why Can’t I?

Posted in Nonsense, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2011 by Bob

Today some sad, sad news came out. Kim Kardashian and that guy that she pretended to marry 72 days ago, are getting a Hollywood divorce. Why is this news? Well, it means the E! network will be losing a bit of money because they are losing a reality show … for now. I am sure they will have “Kim & Kourtney Have a Threesome” or some other idiotic show like that. They will surely broadcast her next wedding, and probably the divorce. Either way, Joel McHale will have plenty of fodder for The Soup.

This whole thing got me thinking. Why exactly are the Kardashians famous? Are ALL of them famous because of Kim’s sex tape? I know someone, somewhere was married to some lawyer or something, and now Kris is married to Plastic Man … I mean Bruce Jenner. Other than that, all they do, as far as I can tell, is put their name on clothes and stuff. I can put my name on clothes and stuff.

The way I look at it, if someone like them can have a reality show that has absolutely no redeeming value, then so can I. In fact, I have spent minutes of my free time and at least $5 of my own money to put together a pilot for the networks. I think that it has just as good a chance as any other show. The SP/FX on my show rival Terra Nova! You know what, because all of you have been faithful readers for so long, I am going to give you all a sneak peek at my new reality show … Untitled. I asked Tori for a name but all I got was “juice”. Everyone enjoy and watch your local listings for when this will be on the air … somewhere.Now I will be famous for being famous too!

AHHHHHHHH

Posted in Holiday, Nonsense with tags , , on October 31, 2011 by Bob

AHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Welcome To Daycare

Posted in Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , , , , , on October 30, 2011 by Bob

And the germs that it brings. At least, I am going to blame it on daycare. I don’t want to feel like it was my fault.WARNING: Those who have not had children or if you have a weak stomach may not want to read further.

What was my fault, or not my fault, you ask? You may remember me writing about how Tori got me sick last week with a cold. Well, she was finally getting over it. Today, we were cuddling on the couch, everything was so nice and sweet and then …. It wasn’t a retching sound so much as one second I wasn’t covered in baby vomit and the next I was. Earlier in the day when we were grocery shopping, she was eating cheese. When we got home, mommy gave her this Earth’s Best Pumpkin Squeezey thing. Let me tell you, those two smells don’t go well together normally much less … yeah. Fortunately, Jackie and I both survived that and got her cleaned up. Tori seemed no worse for wear, it didn’t even phase her other than we had to change her clothes. We set her down on the floor and she was walking around again in no time.

Dinner time came and we broke out some spaghetti left over from the other night for Tori for dinner. She really was not going at it with the same gusto as she went for the cheese earlier. I found out why about 30 seconds after I put my leftovers in the microwave to heat up.round 2 all over the high chair, her self, her food and her sippy. It didn’t smell any better the second time.

We cleaned her up the best that we could and Jackie took her upstairs to the tub to hose her down. She did ok in the bath and by that I mean she didn’t pump her stomach again. She did however, cry almost the entire time and wouldn’t be consoled unless Jackie was holding her. I stayed down and continued to clean the high chair as best as I could even more. It needed it. I did well and didn’t puke myself.

We got her settled a little, took her temperature, it was a little high but nothing alarming, and brought her back downstairs and gave her a clean sippy of water. She drank some of it and fell asleep on Jackie. Jackie took her up and put her to sleep. She didn’t even flinch, hopefully, it was a combo of being tired and a little bit of too much snacking today. I know that if she really IS sick again, I will be too. I am out of sick days. I am NOT using my vacations days. I am going to Vegas with Jackie and I am taking the week at the end of the year off. If I get sick again because of Tori, or if I have to stay home with Tori, then so be it.

I am not sure if I said why I was blaming day care. My sister said that she thinks there might be a bug going around. Tori’s cousin goes to the same place. He is there 5 days a week while she only goes 2 days. (The other days are at grandma’s). He got sick the other day last week at day care. The same day Tori was there. They were hanging out a little. A few days is just the right time to incubate. Great. I am not holding against day care though. It happens. It would and will happen when she is in school. I just find it convenient to blame them though.

Sorry if I grossed anyone out. I DID give fair warning. If she gets sicker, I will be sure to update you all on her future emanations. I will make sure I update well before, or well after the dinner hour. By the way, aren’t you glad I didn’t add any pictures to this one?

Hey, I Need To Blog!

Posted in Nonsense with tags , on October 29, 2011 by Bob

So, we are out with Tori, 3 places we had to go tonight. We couldn’t go to the fourth that we wanted to. It is 11 pm and Tori is still going strong. Don’t know how but man … She is a trooper!

I almost forgot to post tonight. I know it is a little brief but what the heck. If this isn’t long enough, I got like 400 other posts you all can read.

And just because she is so cute … Here is some more Tori.

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My Dinner With Tori

Posted in Food, Nonsense, Tori with tags , , , , , on October 28, 2011 by Bob

I was told that one of the funniest things next to a dog eating peanut butter, was a baby eating spaghetti. Tonight, since we haven’t been grocery shopping in too long, we decided to go out to dinner. We almost always do Mexican on Fridays, no reason, I just like Mexican food. Tonight though, the pregnant one overrode the votes and we went Italian.

We went to this place called Moretti’s. It is more of a bar/pizza/Italian food place than it is an “Italian restaurant”. They do have a pretty good lasagne though. That is what I got. We decided to get Tori some spaghetti. No sauce. I will say this, it was pretty damn amusing. I looked at her and told her straight up I would not take video of it because it would haunt her forever. I have plenty of things I will be able to mortify her with. I don’t need it to be this.

She looked confused, intrigued, frustrated, determined and satisfied all at the same time with each strand she attempted shove in her mouth. Between it sticking to her hand, and the fact she couldn’t get a hold of it with her two little teeth … yeah, it was funny, but oh so cute. Sorry though, as I promised, no pictures.

I think that is enough embarrassment of her for one night. One of these days she is going to go back and read all of these things I say about her and write a tell all leaflet.

BOO!

Posted in Holiday, Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 27, 2011 by Bob

As we approach this coming weekend, and the witching hour grows near, I like to reflect on what has made me who I am today as a fan of the scariest of seasons. Actually, I think Christmas is the scariest of seasons lately but … whatever.

I … believe in ghosts, or whatever you want to call them. I think that there is something out there that can cross over from the other side. I love haunted houses, I love scary movies … even though I can’t sleep sometimes after a good one. Although I still can’t watch anything that is related to Jersey Shore … that just is WAY too scary. Anyway, there are a few things that happened to me in my youth that make me believe. Well one thing that made me believe, and one that just scared the crap out of me.

The first thing, the thing that just scared the bejeezus out of me, happened maybe in 5th or 6th grade, maybe 7th. It was sometime in the very early 80’s I remember that much. It was a Friday night and as on every Friday night, I was up in my parent’s room watching “Son of Svengoolie” on the black & white tv that was in their room. For those of you who don’t know Sven, he plays B horror movies and has corny sketches and jokes similar to Elvira. Anyhoo, the movies were on later at night way back then (I think) and this particular night it was storming. So, I am up watching whatever movie was on, it is raining, I have the lights off, and all of a sudden, right as something is “jumping out” during the movie, the channel changes all by itself. Remember, this is early 80s. I was watching a B&W set. The only remote was a clicker that just was able to change the channel forward. The on/off switch was when you turned the tuner to a certain point. You also could only change the VHF channels and not the UHF channels. (for the younger readers I am not explaining that one. You are on a computer, look it up) I think I jumped through the roof into the attic. I didn’t even have the remote next to me on the bed. It was sitting on top of the TV!!! We later found out that it just so happened that older garage door openers operated the same way the remote on the tv did. It turns out our neighbor was operating his garage door opener and it changed the TV channel. Still … scary stuff.

The other thing that happened, and this actually creeped me out more than scared me, I had an old Sony Walkman 2 sitting on my desk in my bedroom. I had taken it apart for some reason, I think to clean it and replace a belt or something, so I had the batteries taken out. I was falling asleep and I heard a strange noise. I looked over and the led light on the Walkman was on AND it was running. THE BATTERIES WERE NOT IN IT! I looked. It was creepy. I have also had other “feelings” and what not when I think I have felt something. Who knows. I like to think they exist. If not, then how am I going to come back and haunt all the people that I keep promising I am going to come back and haunt.

I was watching It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown tonight and have seen a few other shows this week that have involved trick-or-treating. I have noticed something … the kids are all trick or treating at night, just like I did when I was a kid. None of these shows had kids trick or treating between the hours of 3 pm and 7 pm on a weekday. I am sorry but, what the *****?! I don’t even get home from work until 6 – 6:30. I am not going to hand out candy for 30 min. I sure as hell am not going to come home from work early to give out candy. Now, when Tori is older and wants to go out, I guess I will have to but both Jackie and I can’t leave work early. And the voices aren’t going to be much good to hand out candy so … I am not going to be handing out candy for the kids to take and sell to the dentist. (I stole that from my mom).

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