Gas Etiquite

Fart

Caution: Hazardous Gasses

I am not talking about at the pump. I am talking about gas in polite company. If you are in polite company actually, you shouldn’t be passing gas at all. The only place that you should let loose is in a bathroom. Outside is acceptable if you are alone and there is a strong breeze. Although it happens, you should NEVER fart around others. Barking spiders are NEVER acceptable. No one is perfect however and sometimes it will happen. If it does, at least try to be courteous as possible to those around you. Here are a few things to remember if you absolutely MUST pass gas in public.

• No matter how long you think you will be alone in your office, as soon as you let loose, someone will come in.

• Elevators are so off limits. Don’t even get in if you think you have to.

• You can never blame it on the dog.

• It makes more noise than you think

• There is no such thing as a “one cheek sneak”. It is totally noticable.

• It WILL follow you.

• A hot crowded room will not hide it, it will make it worse.

• Coughing won’t hide the smell stupid.

• A dutch oven should ONLY be used for cooking.

If you remember these few things, you might survive that weekend with the in-laws.

Until next time, remember … “If I hear so much as a mouse fart in here the rest of the night I swear by God and sonny Jesus you will all visit the infirmary.”

 

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Gas Etiquite”

  1. Oh holy crap – my kid has a friend, a little tiny stick of a girl, who has the world’s SMELLIEST farts. It’s truly disgusting, and totally HANGS around her for HOURS. Seriously – I thought she’d crapped her pants, but no! Just gas.
    I don’t know what they feed that kid at home, but UGH. Nasty.

  2. I’m fooked.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: