Am I Covered?

There has been a lot of talk on the interwebs this week about the impending rapture. Personally, I don’t think anything is going to happen. If it does, I am REALLY certain that I am going to be stuck here for the next 6 months while the world decays. I work in advertising so I know that everyone there will still be here a while as well.

Then today, I heard the the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) is telling us how to prepare for zombie attacks. If the government is telling us about it, then it MUST be true.

With these things in the forefront, I decided I better hedge my bets and check to see how my family would fare financially if these events came to fruition.

I called up my insurance agent and asked him the following:

– Does my life insurance cover asencion

– Do my Auto and Home Owners policies cover damage by renegade zombies.

After about 5 minutes of laughing in my ear, I was informed that no … I was not covered for either. I was then informed that he wasn’t laughing because I wasn’t covered, but rather he didn’t think I would be one of the few ascending on the rapture to begin with, so he didn’t understand why I was worried. Jerk ass.

I asked if there was ANY insurance available through any agency or any carrier … after another 5 minutes of laughing, he asked if I was serious. I said I was. He hung up on me. So, I hope that if this does happen tomorrow that my wife and baby ascend with me, if I do, because otherwise they are pretty much screwed.

Macho Man Randy Savage passed away today. He had a heart attack while driving and crashed his car. It was rumored the car was stolen because the cops found a snapped slim jim in the passenger seat. Yeah, I went there. But seriously, he dies and Jeff Conaway is hanging on in his coma and Zsa Zsa Gabor came out of her’s? If this rapture does happen, I think the only people left will be cockroaches, Abe Vigoda and Zsa Zsa.

Until next time, remember … “The first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons… were the fatties.”

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