Don’t Believe Everything You Read

Hello Earth dwellers. It is I, Herman IQ 074. I have been laying low as of late while working on my own individual plans to take over the world. I have been occasionally reading my hairless Wampa’s communiqués and am disturbed by his latest posting.

Aliens are not, I repeat NOT, coming to take over the planet. At least not as he has portrayed them. I can also assure you that the human population of this planet are not going to be used as food. That would be an incredible waste of slave labor.

I can tell you that the rash of large deaths of animals from your world has been the result of aliens. ME! I have been doing small scale tests on new weaponry. That is all I am at liberty to say. I can tell you however, that my new weapon is almost complete and that once I receive official word from my superiors, then havoc will be wreaked.

Dead fish and birds are only the beginning. Prepare yourselves earthlings and long live the Empire!

As my Wampa would say … Until next time, remember … “People in today’s body conscious society are obsessed with losing weight. My plan is to secretly replace all the artificial sweeteners in the world with real ones, thus rendering the world’s population fat, slow moving, and completely toothless.”

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