How Did We Ever Survive?

Today was a beautiful day. I decided to go for a bike ride. About an hour into my bike ride, I wondered what would happen if a collection agency was trying to call me about some long forgotten debt. I wondered if I was missing an important email from King Kareem Jamal Ubiquitous, (one of the 300 Nigerian kings) telling me that out of all the people on earth, he chose ME to watch over his billions and spend as much as I wanted.  My mind raced. I began to feel overwhelmed with the implications. Another popped into my head. What would I do if I missed a streaming video commercial that could add inches to my life and cause me to be the center of a major harassment suit at the office after all the women wanted to sit on my lap as I was Santa at the Christmas party? I suddenly wasn’t Smilin’ Bob.

I slammed on the coaster brakes of my blue bike with banana seat and tall handle bars. I went to reach for my laptop so I could log into the wireless network and find all the things I was missing. I stopped mid gesture and thought “wait … I am out for a leisurely bike ride to get away from the world and relax for a few hours. I didn’t bring my laptop. I didn’t even bring my cell phone. Why on earth would I have these thoughts? I blame AT&T. I actually blame ALL of the wireless carriers and purveyors of such technology.

Technology has it’s place. I have a lot of technology. I work in an industry that without the web, we wouldn’t be working. I don’t understand though, why anyone would go for a normal bike ride WITH their laptop. That is ridiculous. If you are traveling cross country on your bike, then I understand, but the thought that we can’t be out of touch with the rest of the world for a few hours is simply sad. It is even so bad that some movie theaters have taken to the practice of blocking cell phone signals so that people can’t take calls for the 90 min or so that they are in a movie.

The obesity problem in America is at an epidemic level according to just about anyone you ask. Yet, there are more and more companies out there trying to keep us permanently “jacked in” so that we feel that we are total losers if we miss the latest updates, as they happen, on a Kardashian bikini wax. Kids today, and adults for that matter are sitting around playing Madden Football instead of getting a bunch of friends and getting a game going in the park. If they do happen to go outside, children who in the past wouldn’t even be allowed a phone in their bedroom, are sitting on the basketball court texting each other as they sit 6 feet apart.

Yes, I am getting old and cranky. I already know this. There are many times that I miss the old days when phones had cords and you couldn’t watch tv through the back window of the mini van in front of you stuck in traffic. Of course, if that were still the case, I wouldn’t be able to write about it in this fashion. You also wouldn’t have to put up with reading it.

I think that all the fighting about net neutrality and more bandwidth should be replaced with a fight for a time frame, maybe one hour a day, or even one hour a week, where all wireless should be shut down. I know it is a crazy thought but then again, I have a lot of crazy thoughts. I think during that hour there would be a lot of people looking like they are going through crack withdrawal. Maybe I should become Amish. I look good in hats although I don’t think I can grow the beard like that. Plus, there are plenty of other things I would want to raise besides a barn.

Well, I have gone off track far enough on this Techtainment Tuesday. I will let my laptop charge so I can take it with me the next time I go fishing.

Going for our second 3D Ultrasound on Saturday. If it turns out well, I will make sure I get some of the pictures up somewhere for all to see.

Until next time, remember … “I don’t need the Kiron Chip anymore… I’ve *become* the chip!”

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7 Responses to “How Did We Ever Survive?”

  1. But…. I need the GPS so I don’t get lost. And what if I get hungry? How will I know where the nearest Burger King is if I can’t ‘Google’ it? Besides, how will the rest of the world know how important I am if I’m not constantly talking on my cell phone?

    • I still don’t trust GPS totally since it seems to give me bad or out of date directions too many times. It might be a good thing that it doesn’t tell you the nearest BK. I don’t go nearly as much cuz their commercials are just too darn creepy. And I only let important people comment on my blog so the fact that your comment is here AND I am replying means you are important. Ok, so I may be inflating my own worth with that last part LOL

  2. GAH.
    I agree with you 100%!!
    People need to get lives. The end.

    • Yes…yes they do. And I am preparing to “give up” my life as soon as the new one arrives. And I couldn’t be happier!!

  3. Admittedly, we take cell phones with us on bike rides. But it’s more for emergency sake than connectivity. And I fully support cell signal hammers in movie theaters or any artistic venue.

  4. Ummm… “jammers.”

    • I like “hammers” better. I would pay an extra couple of bucks to watch people’s faces as a “cell phone hammer” came down and crushed their phones. It would probably be cheaper to operate than a signal jammer too.

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