Archive for August, 2010

The New Date Night … Dinner And Gas?

Posted in Food, Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , , on August 27, 2010 by Bob

Recently I have been hearing a few radio commercials that are advertising the selection of food at a gas station. This is nothing new. I have been known to grab the occasional Taquito, Toronado or breakfast sandwich. Gas stations have had refrigerator sections with sandwiches and other odd items for a while. Ever since the mini-mart merged with the gas pump they have had over priced groceries. I am ok with that. In fact I kinda like it sometimes. That is not what is disturbing to me. (ever notice how many things disturb me? Disturbing in itself isn’t it?)

The commercials are for Speedway. They are advertising “fresh” pizza by the slice. Ok, that is fine. The part that bothers me is the “come in for dinner”. I guess I picture more “on the road” types stopping at a gas station for lunch … but not dinner. It also just be my perception. When I hear the commercial I picture a family loading up the car to go to Speedway for dinner. “Come on kids! We going for reheated pizza by the slice! Don’t forget your ups. The drinks are cheaper if we do re-fills than new ones!”

It isn’t just Speedway. In fact, they aren’t even the worst. Our good friends at BP have done a wonderful job of  remodeling most of their stations. The one I occasionally stop at for my afternoon beverage and lottery ticket has what seems to be a full “café” area where you can custom order sandwiches, burgers, etc. Mind you, this isn’t a rouge Subway or other fast food franchise that has embedded themselves. This is actually the gas station’s operation. I have to admit that I don’t know EXACTLY what they serve since I have never actually eaten there.

Um ... Not sure I would eat Sushi here.

More and more of the places we fuel our cars and fuel ourselves (I think I just actually stole that from some gas station’s mantra) are combining. Even grocery stores are selling gas now. Although, I know Meijer has done that for years, we didn’t have Meijer’s by us until relatively recently. (10-15 years or so maybe?)

I really don’t know why I am bothered by this trend as I admittedly am quite the connoisseur of gas station gastronomy (what a great show to take on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives!). Regrettably, I can tell you who maintains their roller grills the best, who has the best selection of fountain drinks, where the clerks are the slowest at ringing you up and even who has the most annoying door chime when you walk in. I think the part that tweaks my melon a little is that they are advertising as if they are “finer dining”, that they can compete with the fast food chains. Not sure about that. Sometimes the food is a step below fast food and sometimes it is a step above. I can go into full out reviews at a later date if there is enough interest.

I am afraid the future will be … (cue wavy future traveling view)

“Good afternoon sir … welcome to Petrol on the Green. Do you have a reservation? Ah good, right this way. Would you like to start with a tank of unleaded? We have a special on premium today. Please enjoy a Pop-Tart and Mt. Dew while we fill up your car.”

Wait a second. That actually sounds pretty good. Almost harkening back to the days of full service stations. I might actually dig this idea! Of course they would have to carry more than just Pop-Tarts and would have to have ALL the Mt. Dew flavors but still. I just may have to start a campaign to further this concept instead of bashing it. The increased revenue from dining would also help the gas station owners.

I know there actually are a few places like this that exist already. I am reminded of the old fashioned truck stop. Food and gas go together like … food and gas. The concept just needs to be fancified. (some truck stops may be fancy, just haven’t visited many) Don’t need to go as far as tuxedos or hosting wedding receptions, but servers and tablecloths. I am pretty sure that I would be happy dining at Ruth’s Chris Steak House and Filling Station. Of course, now that I have written this down … someone will steal my idea and make millions off of it. At least I am helping the economy.

Well kids, I am out of gas myself on this one. I really might consider a review of the best gas station foods. It could open up a whole new blog and then … when Food Network Calls … I will be ready!

Until next time, remember … “The gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams.”

Advertisements

Look … I Am Right Here … Right Now … Aren’t You Glad I Told You?

Posted in Nonsense, Tech Stuff with tags , , , , , , on August 24, 2010 by Bob

Yes, once again I have shirked my duties as the guardian of Techtainment Tuesday and almost let it lapse into oblivion.  I am telling you now though that I am here and writing this from a well protected, undisclosed location. Why am I am a secret location you might ask? Even if you don’t ask, I will tell you. It is because I don’t want people to know where I am every minute of the day.

Just Checked in - Undisclosed Location

Facebook came out last week with Places. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand the purpose of any of the geo-location social sites I guess. It seems that there are so many people who complain about privacy this and privacy that, and how Big Brother is watching them. HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Dumb asses! Stop telling everyone where you are and what you are doing! There, privacy issues solved.

What I don’t get from ‘Places’ and ‘Foursquare’ (which was a playground game when I was a kid) is why. Why is it necessary for me to “check in” when I go someplace? Are my 200 some odd Facebook friends going to rush over to wherever I am just to see me? I doubt it. Will the creepy stalker I have know where to find me now … yes. Will the friend from high school who used to be in trouble all the time but was really a good person at heart but fell on hard times years ago and is now a professional cat burglar use places to find out when I am not home and rob me blind … yes! When I “check in” to a location and they look and see who has checked into their establishment use the information to somehow send me even more junk mail than I already get and start using my mobile phone to harass me as well … YES! By becoming “mayor” of the local “Jack-in-the-Box” or “Chuck E. Cheese” lead to a fulfilling political career that will only end in shame and disgrace when I try to sell the local “Dog Catcher” seat … probably.

I have read that when you use one of these services, you can show up, walk into a bar, look at your phone and see who is there. Why can’t I just look around the bar? If I am going to use the phone to see who is there, why even bother going. I can see they are there, text them and say “hey, where are you?” I don’t even have to go there.

I love it when I try to talk about tech that I really don’t understand. GPS in my phone I understand. Giving EVERYONE who wants it , the ability to use my GPS to find me … I don’t understand. Please, someone explain the redeeming quality of any of these services to me.

Although I myself am still waiting to be a featured blog, I found a great way to get people to read me. Simply find someone who is featured, read their blog, hope that you have written a blog of the same tile a while ago, leave them a comment that you wrote about the same topic and then link to YOUR blog in THEIR comments. I have to thank Girl Normal for letting me piggy back her success for a day or two. I had a great number of referrals from her blog to mine. Not only that, but she has a pretty nice blog. I like the snowmen.

I have to get ready to go to a bar later. I am not going to tell you which one because then everyone will go and well, I don’t like people. Anyhoo, until next time remember … “You must love Big Brother. It is not enough to obey him. You must love him.”

Things Are Hard Everywhere … Except Wisconsin

Posted in Nonsense, Wacky News with tags , , , , , on August 16, 2010 by Bob

I know this is a little dated since I first found this headline last week but, I had a three day weekend and I wanted to just relax. So pretend it is last Thursday, you are one day away from the weekend, and this is a topical post. I saw a news headline Thursday that said Wisconsin teachers are suing because Viagra was removed as a covered item in their heath coverage. I really could just end this right there but I am compelled to ramble on further.

I understand that there is not much to do in Wisconsin but seriously, they don’t have ANY other issues as teachers? Granted, I did not read the story, and still don’t plan to because the headline was enough for me. Wisconsin must be the BEST place to be a teacher if the only gripe they have is that Viagra was taken off their health coverage. I can only imagine what goes on in the teacher’s lounges up there. My other question would be, is it only Viagra? Is Cialis banned as well? Will Wisconsinites have to bring their his and her, claw foot bathtubs in from the middle of the lake?

Speaking of which, how is THAT an endorsement of Cialis? “Take our pill and not only will you not want to be in the same tub as your wife, you will want to drag that cast iron monster into a lake and ride it to the bottom!” It is like a flash back to the old days of television when married couples slept in separate beds. Only different. Come on, how many people have outdoor tubs like that?

I will have to say though that those commercials are better than the King advertising Viagra. I haven’t been able to watch an Elvis movie since they started using him in their commercials. The next step is actually going to be HIM, like Fred Astaire dancing with the vacuum. I don’t think I want to know what they will have his CG self doing in those commercials. But I digress …

Back to topic. I am inviting anyone who works in the Wisconsin school system to clarify this issue. I am hoping that the one person I am thinking of did NOT initiate this lawsuit. Yes David, I am speaking of you. Yeah, I called you out on this. You are the only one I know of who works in the system up there.

Well, this was a hard post to write. I thought it would stand up on it’s own with the subject matter, but I feel it fell a little limp. I think I was a little soft on the topic. At least that once this is posted you can read it whenever the mood strikes you. If this blog takes more than 4 hours to read you may be suffering from a severe medical condition … seriously see a doctor.

Well, I am spent for today so until next time, remember … “We’re consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don’t concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy’s name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.”

Nothing Like A Good Blaster At Your Side

Posted in Herman IQ 074, Nonsense, Tech Stuff with tags , , , , , on August 10, 2010 by Bob

Hello Earth dwellers. It is I, Herman IQ 074. My witless, I mean hairless, Wampa is off making plans for when his off spring arrives.  A very inefficient means of cloning I have to say. While he is away, I have commandeered his archaic communication device to bring you his Techtainment Tuesday entry. I am writing this with something called Dragon Naturally Speaking. This much closer seems like the entry method I am used to. The voice that you may or may not be hearing though is most likely some earth woman named Majel Barrett. I have just recently learned about dragons and was not aware that they could talk, or that computers on this backwater planet, were all voiced by one person.

I would like to use this as a communication to all my clone brethren as well. I need to make you aware of the closest thing I have found to a threat on this planet. I came across a piece of technology that I am not sure if all of you are aware of. I thought that after years of battling those insipid light sabers that we were free from them. It appears we are not!

I found this page quite by accident but it worries me. We cannot allow this to fall into the hands of the people of this planet. This seems to be a powerful weapon based on the warnings on the page to obtain this weapon. It does however seem to lack the heft of the sabers used by the rebel scum of the past. We must still destroy this threat as soon as possible.

Speaking of powerful earth weapons, I was flipping through frequencies of my Wampa’s video communication screen and was rendered paralyzed by something that came on the screen. As the images flashed in front of me, I felt a wav of nausea come over me. I was frozen. I felt the knowledge being pulled from my brain. I was finally able to tear my eyes away and run. I listened from a distance to see if I could hear the name of such a powerful weapon. It seems the name of this weapon is a “mersychore”, at least that is what it sounded like. Quite a powerful way to incapacitate an enemy.

I must leave you now. I have a helmet polishing at 4 and must  return before my wampa gets home.

As my Wampa would say … until next time, remember … “You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.”

You Ask, I Answer

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , on August 9, 2010 by Bob

Happy Monday to all the fans of VIMB. Over the course of my time here at Voicesinmybrain.com, I have had many letters come in. Yes, letters. Snail mail. Pieces of paper, written on with ink (mostly), and mailed to me here in my secret, abandoned military facility. I think that these folks, just wanted to keep that old fashioned, personal touch when they communicated with me. They also may have been sending me envelopes tainted with Ricin powder or Anthrax but the test results won’t be back for months. In any case, I have an entire desk full of letters that I just have not had time to answer. So, I figured here would be as good as any place to answer the burning questions and insightful comments sent in by you … the VIMB reader.

Our first letter comes in all the way from Devonport, Tasmania. It reads:

“Dear Voices, what’s up with the dog in your header image? I mean, do you think you can talk to your dog or something so that counts as a voice? I don’t think so. I mean, it’s a cool dog and all but … get original for cryin’ out load. Putting your pet on your page is lame.”

Sincerely,

Rodger

Well Rodger, I like my dog and yes she sometimes tells me things. I quite frequently use her as inspiration for my blog posts. If you have a better logo for me, send it. Thanks for writing. By the way, you spell your name stupidly. – Voices

Our next piece of correspondence comes from a Mrs. Euginia Fairburn in Chugwater Wyoming. Euginia writes:

“Dear Woolworth, please let me know why I can’t find any of your stores anymore. I love the soda fountains and the hosiery I used to get there. Please send me 7 pairs of knee highs in modest black. Enclosed is my check for $1.56. Keep the extra as a small tip. Thank you.

Dear Euginia, I am not Woolworth’s. I believe you may have sent the wrong letter to the wrong place, or, you are just too old to be writing or breathing. I will however cash your check and buy myself a Coke. Thanks much! – Voices

The last letter for today comes from a celebrity. I couldn’t believe it when I got this one. It is from Kurtwood Smith. You may know him as Red on That 70’s Show.

He writes:

DUMB ASS!”

Dear Kurtwood,

Thanks! – V

That is all I have time to get to for today, but keep those cards and letters coming. I enjoy personally reading and shredding each and every one.

I still have not been featured on the home page of WordPress.com. I am not expecting that this will get me there either. I also haven’t forgotten about all the challenges that have come in over the last week or so. I am working on those … they just take a little more time.

So, until next time, remember … “This suit is for leisure. But many times I wear it to get down to business.”

Dead Silence

Posted in Celebrity Deaths, Nonsense, TV/Movies with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2010 by Bob

Wow. I totally spaced that a new month had started. I cannot believe that I missed the Aug update for the dead celebrity watch. I guess that lack of sleep really did get to me. I need to just put a reminder on my phone or something. Well, we all know that some famous folks died last month so let’s get straight to it shall we. By the way, I added links to either Wikipedia or IMDB so you can see what the people are famous for if you don’t know or my short description isn’t enough.

Bob Probert – 45 – Hockey Player – July 5th

Simion Stanciu – 60 – Romanian Pan Flautist – July 6th

Vonetta McGee – 65 – Actress – July 9th

Robert Spillane – 45 – Actor and son of Mickey Spillane – July 10th

Louis Keller – 87 – Inventor of the Bobcat – July 11th

George Steinbrenner – 80 – Owner of the Yankees – July 13th

Frances Kuyper – 92 – Founded world’s first Cake Museum – July 15th

James Gammon – 70 – The manager in Major League – July 16th

Shirley Silvey – 82 – Animator for Rocky & Bullwinkle, George of the Jungle – July 17th

David Warren – 85 – Inventor of the Flight Data Recorder – July 19th

Dorothy Stowe – 89 – Co-founder of Greenpeace – July 23rd

Maury Chaykin – 61 – Actor in Lots of different things – July 27th

Bob Fenimore – 84 – Chicago Bear – July 28th

John Aylesworth – 80 – Co-Creator of Hee Haw – July 28th

Lorene Yarnell – 62 – Mime (Shields and Yarnell) Dot Matrix in Spaceballs – July 29th

Dan Resin – 79 – Dr. Beeper in Caddyshack and Tidy Bowl Man – July 31st

Mitch Miller – 99 – Sing Along With Mitch – July 31st

A few shockers in there for me I must admit. I also didn’t realize that the Tidy Bowl man and the Dr. were one in the same. I should have. I am ashamed of myself. It is a sad sad day when people die, but at least it gives me something to write about.

Until next time remember … “We’re outta towels, and I’m too old to go diving into lockers.”

Lighten Up!

Posted in Nonsense with tags , , , , , , on August 4, 2010 by Bob

Are you tired of never having enough money?

Are you tired of carrying around those extra pounds?

Are you tired of pumping thousands of dollars a year in gas into your car?

Well we have the solution! Ladies and gentleman welcome to Cash For Fat. That’s right! Now you don’t have to pay the plastic surgeon because with our brand new, soon to be FDA approved method*, WE PAY YOU!

That’s right ladies and gentleman, in one short office visit you can earn between $5 and $10 for your unwanted fat. We have our processing facilities right on site so YOU don’t have to deal with a middleman! Here at Fat Direct we will take your fat and give you cash. Sign up for our vehicle modification program, and you can have your fat sucked twice a month and delivered directly into your fuel tank, saving you tens of dollars a year.

“But, what do you do with my fat?” Excellent question! We are always thinking about the environment. With our state of the art rendering techniques, we take your fat and recycle it into all kinds of useful products including, but not limited to: Animal Feed, Big Wheel Tires, Teething Rings, Frying Oil, Gummi Products, Window Caulk, George Foreman Grills, Sham Wows, Spare Body Parts for Heidi Pratt and Silly Putty.

Not happy with the results? We offer a money back guarantee! If you are not 100% satisfied, just come back within 12 days and get a full fat refund††. Bring in your cash and we will inject the fat right back into you. We will even let you choose where!

In today’s tough economy, who wants to take the risk of getting rid of your precious memories and keepsakes. That just doesn’t make sense. Fat for Cash on the other hand is a great way to not only get fit, but get rich while making yourself look great! So visit one of our 4,345 locations in the tri-city area. If it was an empty storefront, we filled it so you can always find us.

Can’t make it to one of our locations or you are just a do-it-yourself kind of person? Call our toll free number and we will send you our custom plastic bio-container to send in your own fat. Once appraised, we will send you a check within 4-6 months.

The cost and uses of fat are only going to increase and right now fat is at its highest value in nearly a decade. Act now before the fat market is flooded and prices fall to disturbingly low levels.

We want to help you, help yourself, make money off of your unfortunate body.

*The FDA has not looked at any of our methods. In fact, in all honesty, we haven’t even submitted them to the FDA for review.
Actual savings maybe more or less depending on your driving style. The conversion cost to change your car to a fat burner is approximately $35, 678.98
†† Refunds are not guaranteed to return your original fat. Fat returned may be someone else’s fat. We can not guarantee the freshness of said returned fat.
The preceding message was a work of fiction. Any similarity to real companies past or present, is purely coincidental. If for any reason you believe this, please send me $500 and I will send you a check for $1000. This might be protected under intellectual copyright laws somewhere … or it might not.
%d bloggers like this: