24 Leaves iPhones On Verizon

Welcome back to another exciting edition of Techtainment Tuesday. Maybe only sort of exciting. I am still fighting a lot of the sympathetic tiredness. Today, we are in mourning. We found out this weekend that we officially have lost one of the best shows on television. In just a few mere hours we will see the end of 24. Jack Bauer will leave our televisions for the big screen. I am saddened. I love 24. Jack Bauer is one bad ass mo fo. For days he has led us through many an adventure. Granted, it has pretty much been the same story line. I never knew that the US was attacked that many times by nuclear weapons. I do think however that a few of the other characters have been underrated.

Take Chloe for example. She deserves far more credit than she gets. She is smart. Smarter than most of the people around her. Mary Lynn Rajskub on her own is pretty darn funny. I have seen her in a few other things and she was HYSTERICAL when she stopped by The Soup. Other underrated characters, most that got killed off way too soon: Edgar, Morris, Milo, George … the list goes on. 24 will be missed by me. Mainly because now they will try to put American Idol on 4 nights a week.

On the technology side of things, it looks like I would be able to get an iPhone soon even if I don’t want to leave Verizon. I am not sure I want one. I don’t like the touch screen with no click. That is why I like my BB Storm. Plus, I don’t need all the apps. I know I have hashed this over before but, as I said, I am dog tired lately and it is a struggle to get my mind to work past the hours I am at work.

Exactly 2 people who have read my blog and have not ever commented, have asked me about my quotes. Actually, I think they have just proof read my blog maybe once. Or maybe I just told them I write one. In any case, they asked me “what’s the deal with your quotes? They don’t make any sense half the time.” I told them they were just not paying attention. I didn’t want to tell them the meaning behind my quotes because I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good side note. So what do they mean? Nothing other than every quote I put at the end of my post is from a TV show, movie or song and has something to do, even in the most bizarre of ways, with what I posted that day.

So, until next time, remember … “There are things in this world which are out of our control. Sometimes we like to blame ourselves for them so we can try to make sense out of them.” Other times, we just drink every time Jack says “copy that”.

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Miley, Music, Fergie And Fungus

One of my resolutions for the new year was to expose myself to a greater variety of music. The reason for this is that my wife tells me I am rather boring since I listen to predominately 80’s music. It is what I grew up with, It is what I know. I have a few more recent groups that I listen to. There are a few “modern” songs that I like. But for the most part, I cannot stand most of the pabulum that is played on the major radio stations, albeit there are only about 20 songs that are rotated throughout the day. I am extremely unfortunate that almost everywhere I go that has a “top 40” station playing, be it my wife’s car, a gas station, Chili’s, I am subjected to one of three singers that I am not really a fan of at all.

I get to hear the “I scream every song lyric” stylings of Kelly Clarkson; the “my voice sounds much better when it goes through enhancement software” inane-ness of Miley Cyrus; Or something by Pink or Black Eyed Peas. Ok that is four. I know there are those of you that like those artists but I don’t care that Pink feels something because she is sober and I am pretty sure that I would hurt myself if I were to “Boom Boom Pow”.

So, I decided that I would maybe go the indie music route. I haven’t really gotten too far yet. I have listed to a little Vampire Weekend and keeping with that theme suffered through New Moon to hear some Death Cab for Cutie and whatever else was on that soundtrack. I am liking what I heard so far. I will also say that earlier this year Jackie made me watch all seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (ok I got into it, I’ll admit it. But how couldn’t I? There were lesbionics a plenty!) and I actually kind of liked a lot of the off beat groups/individuals that sang at the club place they hung out at. Of course there were also some I sat and thought, WHAT?!?!

With my pinky toe in the indie music scene, I looked at info for the Pitchfork Music Festival. I have never heard of any of the groups going to be there. That isn’t a bad thing. I just didn’t know what day I should go to experience the full effect. So I figured I would go all three days. 1. The 3 day passes are sold out. 2. I am not sure that I am fully committed enough to indie music to pay $90 to go. Again, I am not besmirching the fest or the music in any way. I am just not sure I am ready.

After my little research, I thought,  “isn’t there something that those of us with little knowledge of music can go to and see people we have never heard of, with no crowds, for no cost so we don’t feel guilty about leaving if we don’t like what we here?” (yeah, I think in sentences like that.) There wasn’t anything I could find. So, I am thinking of starting up my very own music festival. That’s right, my OWN gathering of unique groups and interesting sounds. I don’t know where it will be yet, but I thought maybe I could ride the gardening coat tails of pitchfork a little. I am calling my festival … The Garden Weasel Festival of Music and Sound. I figure it should take place sometime in August … or maybe February. Haven’t decided yet.

“Who will be at this wonderful festival” you ask. Well, believe it or not, I have already lined up three performers. The first is “Eddie”, a gaunt, toothless, elderly gentleman who hums tunes outside of Walmart. He also taps his feet to a totally different tune than what he is humming. THAT ladies and gentleman is talent. The second performer I have lined up is “little Stevie” from a few streets over. This kid is only 4 but when I walk my dog past his house, he is yelling and screaming so loud he could probably give miss Clarkson a run for her money. The third is a group that call themselves “Fungus Into Crust”. Their lead singer is Senior Technician for the Septic service friend of mine uses. I haven’t  actually heard them play, but I thought the name was fun. If you know of anyone that sounds like they would compliment the line up so far, let me know! They will get free water and Pringles Snack Stacks.

Until next time remember … “Bunnies aren’t just cute Like everybody Supposes! They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses!”

Oooh Baby Baby … Baby Baby

A pretty short Techtainment Tuesday today everyone. I have been really dragging the last few weeks and I am finding it hard to come up with things on theme day. I still want to keep it though mainly so I can say I have one. I am pretty sure it is sympathetic tiredness. Since I am not gaining sympathetic pregnancy weight, I am getting tired.

Funny I should mention the wife’s pregnancy as that is what today’s Techtainment Tuesday is about. On the technical front … ultrasounds are SOOO COOL! We originally went in for a normal visit and to just hear the heartbeat. This is done with what looked like the microphone and speaker toy in Toy Story. Apparently the baby is taking after me though and being a pain. My luck we are having Mikey from “look Who’s Talking”. The little guy/girl was hiding and swimming around upside down so the doc had to break out the full ultrasound to find it. The bonus to this is that we got to get new pictures that are actually starting to look like a baby instead of a mutant amphibian. The down side is, I am pretty sure that just for him flipping the “on” switch on that thing is going to cost us a couple hundred dollars more than if we didn’t. Of course I will gladly pay it, it just seems like a scam. I think he made the microphone thing not work on purpose.

Believe it or not, I am tying in the visit to the baby doctor with the entertainment. No, I am not using the ultrasound, or the microphone as entertaining. What is entertaining to me is that all of the artwork in the OBGYN offices are large prints. All of them done by Georgia O’Keeffe. I find that amusing.

Until next time … “Somebody burp me before I blow up!”

A New Moon Rises

So, this afternoon while Jackie was off at a bachelorette party, I was instructed to go to Walmart. Normally, this is not a big deal. I usually do most of the shopping because I do not shop, I buy. I can go into a grocery store and get 2 weeks of groceries for Jackie and I, and food for a holiday dinner for the entire family (9 people) in about 20 min. Walmart takes me a little longer because NOTHING there is in a logical place. Still, I can get in and out relatively quick.

We needed a few cleaning supplies and I needed some body wash, and an onion so I could make corned beef hash tomorrow to use up the rest of the leftover corned beef. I also got a few other things that I knew we needed. Um, I think I digressed from my original point which I can’t remember what is was … OH YEAH!!

So, since I was going anyway, I was told to pick up the newly released New Moon vampire movie. First, they aren’t even by the movies. The movies are by the cameras in a separate display. A number of different versions are there. I picked a double disk something with exclusive scenes of someone doing something in some town that a story of some sort is based on that is only sold at Walmart. So I pick this up and the “I’m retired but I work at Walmart on the weekends because I can’t stand my wife’s nagging” clerk told me on the other side they might still have the bundled movie set that comes with a calendar and I could look at the “action figures”. Come on. I may not look 40 but I certainly don’t look like a 15 year old girl who wants a vampire doll.

Up to the checkout I go and NONE of the “fast lanes” are open. I am a little annoyed that Walmart got rid of their self check out lanes. I LOVE those at Jewel. But I digress. So I find this lane that has 2 guys in front of me and another guy gets in line behind me. ALL of us had New Moon in one form or another. ALL of us were sent out in the snow to get it. ALL of us had said we were NOT going to go out at midnight last night to get it. Which is why we were all in line right now. We stood and all joked about the fact we were buying it for our wives. We also decided that it was good that WE went to buy it and not them because of the large displays of “stuff” they had. We all agreed it was cheaper this way. I felt as I bonded a little at Walmart checkout. We should have all gone out for a beer. Why I needed to share this … I have no clue. Just thought it was amusing that there were so many of us buying the same movie at the same time.

I saw a trailer this week for a new movie coming out called “Kick-Ass”. I looked it up and apparently it is based on some comic book but, to me it looks an awful lot like a remake of Mystery Men but with kids. Oh well.

Until next time remember … I’m a Pantera’s box you do not wanna open.

It’s Going To Be A Good Year

So far my New Years Resolutions have been going pretty well. I have not lost it and gone berserker on a store clerk or customer service rep yet, I have been keeping up with my blog posts, we had people over, I have listened to a few new music types, took my side of the bed back (although it is a constant battle that I am still fighting) and as of Monday, I have a full time job!

It isn’t a new job. It is the job I worked freelance for a year, then was hired, then left, then freelanced for another 9 months, and now hired again. Confused? Tune in to the next episode of … SOAP!

Sorry, got a little off track there. Needless to say that I am rocking out on my resolutions this year. Some are still to be seen, such as the lawn mowing. I also am not doing so well on growing an ass. It is actually getting smaller I think. But stock in Velcro now folks!

With the new job, new kid on the way, maybe some other new stuff we have been putting off .. I think it is going to be a very good year this year.

I was thinking the month started off pretty slow with celeb deaths but it has seemed to blossom the last week or so. Yesterday Fess Parker died. I don’t think I ever had a coon skin cap but if I did now, I would wear it just so all the young folk I work with would ask what the hell I was wearing and then I could break out my geek TV trivia knowledge. I am so going to be that embarrassing father aren’t I?

Anyhoo, until next time remember … “Never pet a burning dog. “

I REALLY Hope Aliens Are Not Watching

It is Techtainment Tuesday once again. If you were expecting to hear my new theme song that I busted out last week, you have to wait until I am self hosted. I am not paying an extra $20 a year to have sound. I will be there soon enough. I will be better tech soon. I promise.

Let’s get to it shall we? Honestly, I had no idea what to write about today. I am not interested in IE9 yet, I am not planning on leaving my BB for an iPhone, and I don’t have a server so I don’t need a 12 core processor. Other than the Rock and Roll HOF inductees, not much interested me on the entertainment front. I did put ham on 5 and held the Mayo in memoriam though.

When I got home, since it was so nice out, I decided I would clean up the backyard after a winter’s worth of the dog. This is where the entertainment part comes in. If you have never owned a 115 pound dog and have not picked up after it for the entire winter because snow covered everything all the time … you are lucky. It took me about an hour or so. I guess about 75 pounds. This is just what I could get. I have cleaned up a little bit at times, in spots that weren’t buried in snow. It has been said before but, if aliens are watching us, they must really be wondering who is the master and who is the pet. If I were the advanced civilization, I would be laughing my ass off if I were watching me pick up dog poop for an hour.

It got me to thinking though, what kind of technology might those aliens be able to give us that could make the job less … degrading. Do they have some kind of laser that magically disintegrates the waste without damaging the surrounding grass? Do they have technologically advanced grass that is far more living and eats the poop? My bet is that they can telepathically tell their pets how to use indoor plumbing. Even if they could give me an advanced pooper scooper I would be happy.

Well, that is about it for today. Until next time remember … “Shit doesn’t just disappear!”

Cougar Wars

The date: March 12, 2010. The place: A small bowling alley and bar, in a small town in northern Illinois. The time: Night. The events that you are about to read about are true. No names have been changed to protect the innocent. Other names have been made up, only because the real names were not known.

It was a Friday night like any other. Jim and Justin were set to play in a small bowling alley lounge in Huntley. Their scheduled start time was 9:30 but were there, and set up, a good 30 min early. Right then and there should have been a sign to as how the night would go.

We arrived at 9 pm and found a suitable table, close to the stage, where we could wait for our friends. Scanning the bar area, we noticed that the clientele of this particular establishment was, single, older, females. We conversed with the band, ordered some drinks and Jimmy and Justin went on stage … on time. Another omen. They were playing for about 15 – 20 min when the show began.

We had seen them sitting in the corner, stalking, waiting for the opportunity to pounce on their prey. They were not the only ones. On the other side of the bar, another pack was stalking the same prey. We think it was mainly Justin. The two groups gave each other dirty looks. They knew they were encroaching on the other’s territory. It was subtle. Then one of them walked to the stage, looked at Justin, smiled, looked at the other two and then went back to her table. This did not go unnoticed by the most observant in our party. The warning call went out by Danielle, “COUGAR WARRRRRRRS!”. It had begun.

The shots started making their way to the stage. Each time, another of the middle- aged temptresses toasted the young pair of musicians. They wanted them. “COUGAR WARRRRRS” rang out again from the other side of our table. Danielle was certain to try to keep the boys safe. Another cougar started to move in. She sat at the table in font of us. She had a profile that would make Lois Griffin jealous and pants so tight that a desert animal would give up it’s humps as to not have it’s foot anywhere near her. Although she did do a fair job of bejeweling her jeans.

More shots sent to the stage. Another cry of “COUGAR WARRRRRRS”. More laughter, more fear. Soon, the cougars were well known by all. They circled the stage like hungry animals who had not tasted the flesh of a young man in decades. Then, the unthinkable happened. Jogging suit guy. He seemed harmless. An older gentleman wearing sweat pants, and a matching pullover jogging suit top with a stylish polo underneath. Yes, sweat pants and a polo. He started hitting on the cougars, but they shunned him like a vegan at Ruth’s Chris. We think he started hitting on some of the men. Then he started dancing.

“COUGAR WARRRRRRRS” rang out again. We are not sure why, we think Danielle just likes saying it. If they did a McHenry County version of “Jersey Shore” Danielle could be our Snooki. Don’t worry, it’s ok, she isn’t Italian either. She would be Bugga.

As the night wore on, the cougars gave each other dirty looks, jogging suit man danced the night away. All was going well until a large man approximately the size of John Goodman started dirty dancing in front of the stage. He thrust, he ground, he gave us ass crack. We threw up in our mouths a little. At that point, even the cougars could stand it no more. They left. As did we.

The night lasted only a few hours. The memories … neigh, the nightmares, shall last us a lifetime.

Until next time remember … if you want to post a real cool mp3 file here, move to self hosting first so you don’t have to pay an extra $20 to do it. Sorry Bugga.

A Public Service Announcement Initiated By Steve Cochran

On the way home from work today, there was a discussion on the radio of things that were ok to do as a kid but not as an adult. I was listening to the Steve Cochran show on WGN Radio 720 AM. They talked about many things, but the one that caught my attention most, was an activity that they decided needed a PSA. I agree.

What were they talking about you ask? To be blunt … hitting other guys in the nuts. This is not a self defense activity. What is being talked about here is flicking out and knocking a fellow male of the species right where it hurts. This can be done with the back of a hand, a towel snap, throwing a small but weight substantial item … anything that hits just hard enough to cause extreme pain and discomfort.

Ladies and gentleman, I am joining this cause and bringing it out to those that read here. A foundation was talked about on the show. They were calling it N.U.T.T. or Never Underestimate Testicle Taps. (I think I got that right) I believe this is a very worthy cause. Too many times, grown men, and sometimes women, think that a light tap to the groinal region is funny and harmless. I am here to tell you that it is not. My dog does it to me all the time with her alligator like tail. It hurts. It is debilitating. It is not funny.

I ask that people join the cause. Spread the word. Do not engage in such a painful past time. Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, teach your children well. Together we can make a difference. Together we can abolish this medieval practice of humiliation.

I will follow this crusade and keep people posted. There is talk of logos, t-shirts, bumper stickers … all to support the cause. If the ball is dropped by the Cochran contingent, I will pick up the torch and carry on as I believe this is something that can be ignored no longer. I thank you in advance for your support in the propagation of this cause.

Until next time remember …Just Say NO!

Just Say No to Groinal Violence

It’s time for tech … It’s time for Tech … it’s time for TECHTAINMENT TUESDAY!

If you imagine that title as a little jingle reminiscent of School House Rock or something similar, then it is more fun. Anyhoo, yes, it is once again Techtainment Tuesday boys and girls. I had some trouble trying to come up with something this week. Due to circumstances that are beyond my control, I feel totally tired and brain dead so far. I think it might be sympathy tiredness. Is that possible? I know sympathy weight gain and morning sickness, but can I be sympathetically tired and just out of it? But I digress …

I figured that with the Oscars so fresh in our minds, I would do another movie type thing. Now, I haven’t watched the Oscars yet, (I DRVed them so I could fast forward past the musical numbers) so don’t tell me who won. Just kidding, I know who won. I also know that they did a couple of tributes. They did one to John Hughes, who taught me how to be a geeky teenager in the 80’s, and they did a tribute to Horror movies. I heard that some of them weren’t really horror movies but still, Roger Corman won some kind of award and that ROCKS!

Today, I am going to do my own little tribute to Science Fiction movies. Science Fiction is defined by Webster (from 1851 mind you) as: fiction dealing principally with the impact of actual or imagined science on society or individuals or having a scientific factor as an essential orienting component. Wikipedia understandably has a much longer definition which you can read here if you are so inclined.

While I do enjoy a wide range of Sci-Fi, I don’t consider myself a Sci-Fi geek. Well, maybe a little bit with Stargate, but that is about it. I do know my trivia from Star Trek and Star Wars and what not. I have my own clone trooper, but I do not live in my mother’s basement, I am married, I have a job, and am expecting a child. I also do not have any uniforms, prosthetic forehead ridges or ears, cannot speak Klingon and have never been to a “Con”. (Although, I would go to the Stargate convention IF I win the free tickets.) Ok, so maybe I am on that fine line bordering geekdome. All of this is beside the point. My main point of today is to list out my favorite Sci-Fi movies. What a better tie in than entertaining technologically. Now, there are a lot more movies that I am sure I like, and watch over and over. But these are the ones that I thought of off the top of my head as I was writing this during lunch. I figure the first ones to pop in my head are the ones I like the most right?

I think that most of these are agreed upon to fit into the Sci-Fi genre. There are a lot of others that could be considered Sci-Fi/Fantasy, as they are sometimes lumped together, but I am not so much for the fantasy part … I changed my mind, as I was sitting here thinking to movies I wanted to list as examples, I realized there are a lot of movies that I would consider “fantasy” that I like. Once again, I digress. That will be another day’s blog when I can’t think of anything.

Oh yeah, the movies. Listed below, in alphabetical order as to not play favorites, are my top 16 Sci-Fi movies. Why 16? Just how many I thought of. This is not an all time list as everyone’s opinions vary greatly. This is just MY list of some of MY favorite Sci-Fi movies. I will say that I think my wife has only seen 2 or three of these and didn’t like one of my favorites, TRON, at all. I made her watch it so she would be ready when the sequel comes out. I am starting to babble again, here they are:

• 2001: A Space Odyssey – A classic! I recommend reading the book first so that the movie goes a little faster for you.

• Altered States – I have wanted to try a deprivation chamber ever since seeing this movie. If you have seen it you know why.

• Blade Runner – Would you help a turtle that is on it’s back?

• Day The Earth Stood Still (original) – Classic McCarthy era paranoia. Don’t want to even see the remake. The message and times are what made this one so good.

• Fantastic Voyage – Shrinking down and Raquel Welch in a tight wetsuit. Says it all.

• Forbidden Planet – Any movie that makes the lyrics of “Late Night Double Feature Picture Show” is a classic in my book. Plus, Robby the Robot!

• Gattaca – Weird, creepy and disturbing. LOVE IT!

• Godzilla (1954) – Any of the Godzilla movies from Japan with the guy in a rubber suit are great.

• Logan’s Run – Only live until 30? I know a lot of people, including me who didn’t start living until after that. (One of the better spoofs on Family Guy by the way.)

• Planet of the Apes (1968) – Apes taking over. I think my dog is secretly watching this one too often.

• Scanners – Now THIS is a power I want to have. Lots of people who’s heads I would like to explode. David Cronenberg classic.

• Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back – I think the best one. Love Hoth, Darth is Luke’s father, yada yada.

• Stargate – If I could, I would SO go through the gate. This is probably my most geeky thing.

• The Andromeda Strain (original, although the mini-series wasn’t too horrible)– Scary to think that it could totally happen. Could you hit the fail safe?

• Them! – Giant ants. Scared the bejeezus out of me as a child. Still get wigged out if ants  are crawling on me.

• Tron – For its time. GREAT effects. When the sequel comes out this year (December 17 I understand after watching the trailer) they can advertise “Starring Oscar Winner Jeff Bridges”

Well, those are my favs. I know, kind of a long post today but what the heck. Thow out some suggestions for GOOD or CLASSIC sci-fi movies.

Until next time … Klaatu barada nikto!

Oscar Just Ain’t Some Muppet In A Garbage Can

In less than 24 hours, Hollywood will celebrate the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the best that the movie industry had to offer in 2009. The Oscars. Every year the academy gets together and nominates what they think are the best movies and who they think are the best actors. They also throw in all those technical categories as well. Every year there are some surprises, some not so surprises and some total disagreements. Every year, every critic tries to guess the winners. They pick long shots, sure bets and some even pick the long, long shots. Parties are thrown to watch the broadcast, which in itself is sometimes a long shot. I am not inviting you to an Oscar party. I am not going to give my Oscar picks. I am not going to even talk about the movies or actors that are nominated. What I AM going to do however; is give you what I think is needed. I am going to give you what I think Hollywood missed out on.

Without further adieu, below are some of the movies that I think Hollywood SHOULD have made that would have won Oscars.

Best Picture

Eight is Enough: The Movie

A touching story about a newly divorced couple, who while married couldn’t have children  They resorted to fertility drugs. These too failed so they went on a string of 8 reality shows. The movie takes us through the heartwarming story of how reality television destroyed their marriage.

Best Actor

Falcon Heene as The Roaming Gnome in: Rome With Me

An Action packed adventure that has the youngster exploring haunted attics all over Europe

Best Actress

Jaimee Grubbs as herself in: Bedposts and Paparazzi

I really couldn’t make anything up better than what this already is.

Best Original Song

Hoedown Throwdown by Miley Cyrus

Theme from: Jon & Tiger Plus 8 … and Counting

Best Visual Effects

Joan Rivers

Best Live Action Short Film

The Rainbow Connection as sung by Me

Well, those are a few of the movies that I think should have been made and win awards at this years Oscars. I probably won’t actually watch them so someone let me know who actually wins.

Until next time remember … It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told.